Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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 Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 2:00 am Post subject: Revising a childhood creation. |
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Back in elementary school, I developed a character named Alphaboy. He's stuck with me ever since, and he's one of favorite characters. Something about him brings out my inner idealist. For awhile, I kind of forgot about him, but now, its all coming back to me. I said to myself, "I've changed, and so shall Alphaboy." What is Alphaboy though? Well...
I don't really have a concrete storyline as of yet, but some encouragement and advice would help. It's set in a dystopian alternate reality where humans and extraterrestrials coexist, but don't really get along (think District 9). Into this framework comes fourteen year-old Ryuhei Ogata, the titular Alphaboy. You see, he's not exactly from around here. He's the heir to a mighty warrior race known as the Alphas. His biological father sent the fertilized ovum that grew into Ryuhei into space in a "wombship". Ryuhei was adopted by a kindly Earth scientist named Junko, and when he discovers this by the time the story begins, he doesn't know what to make of it. In an effort to find himself, he joins the Earth Defense Force (either before or after discovery), acing all of the exams necessary for a kid his age to get on the battlefield without a lick of combat experience. He's assigned to a special unit of teens known as Stardust (The IMF meets the Children from NGE) and... I don't really know what happens next. Something to do with another, evil alien race called the Zentarans. And Heat-style shootouts. Chases. Oh, and Ryu looks like Shinji Ikari. The love interest looks like Asuka, Junko looks like Yui, and I'm starting to get off on a tangent now... I like cheese.
Still, waves of nostalgia are shooting through me. This is going to be good, but unfortunately, I'm swamped with other writing projects. Damn. I guess what I'm trying to ask is this: How do I make sense of the mess? It sounds like one of those projects that I'd have to outline and extensively research. The subtle difference in genre may have something to do with it. My current WIP, Redesigning Eva, is a psychological thriller, and is easier to write for me because its so character-driven. Alphaboy is still character-driven, it's just more of an action spy-thriller.
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 6:24 am Post subject: |
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The main characters in the other stories, do they make a cameo appearance in the main story?
Can you expand on the heat-style shootouts?
It's a good start but would like to know more backstory of Alphaboy. What he was like before joining Stardust and EDF? You mentioned he changes so does he change when he joins these teams or when a specific event happens that happens to cause a loss of memory and he starts over as a new lease of life?
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| PastFixations wrote: | The main characters in the other stories, do they make a cameo appearance in the main story?
Can you expand on the heat-style shootouts?
It's a good start but would like to know more backstory of Alphaboy. What he was like before joining Stardust and EDF? You mentioned he changes so does he change when he joins these teams or when a specific event happens that happens to cause a loss of memory and he starts over as a new lease of life? |
1. No?
2. Huh? Explain.
3. I'll edit in the explanation later.
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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1. So Eva won't be in this story about Alphaboy.
2. You mentioned heat-style shootouts after talking about the evil race called Zentarans. I'm curious as to their conflict. Is it over universal supremacy? Are they fighting over earth? Who started this war is really what I'm asking.
3. Okay.
4. It's been a long time since we last even talked and that there was a misunderstanding and that I forgive you for it. Actually since then I've tried to build on my writing so that it does not become an issue so if that did not happen. I would not have known so thank you.
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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 It's okay, PF.
I'd go with universal supremacy. Chalk it up to the bloodlust of the Zentarans. I wouldn't say the two parties are at war, just on edge. All it takes it a little push, like a devastating blow to the Republic, to get the drain flowing. One idea I had is that the Zentarans would be using peace talks with the Republic as a ruse to cover the main antagonist's espionage and terrorist activities, intended to subvert the will of the Republic, and turn it into a Vichy state. They've sent countless Zentaran agents and military to Earth under the guise of an exodus of political refugees. Zaur, the prince of the Zentaran Empire, is ostensibly doing this to gain the appreciation of his old man, who doesn't feel he's evil enough. In actuality, he intends to overthrow the current Zentaran regime and take charge, starting a full fledged invasion at the heart of the Republic. Why? Well, why the hell not? Evil laugh. Guy's a sadistic f**k.
Ryuhei is a complex character. Before he figured out the truth of his origins, he enlisted in the EDF as a means of finding himself. He and Junko aren't really seeing eye to eye. In fact, all the kids in Stardust have some ulterior motivation for why they do what they do. Anyway, in terms of personality, Ryu is laid back, a professional who doesn't know it, a little angsty/ponderous about his origins (for the sake of drama, but not to Wangst-levels). He has a strong sense of justice and morality, thanks to his upbringing. He always looks out for his friends, and his Alpha traits keep him on edge.
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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So Zaur is the one calling the shots and his dad is the classic ott villain with a vengeance and takes control from his son. Mm
m, kay.
How many members are in there in Stardust? It sounds like Stardust are a small group of gifted talents or they are just a formed group by the Republic while EDF and Zentarans have the armies and spies while the Republic keep things in check.
Does Ryuhei struggle in the field of battle at first?
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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No. His dad the Emperor is the head honcho. Zaur's the loose cannon.
There are about a handful of kids in Stardust. The team exists, but it doesn't.
I'm not sure what you mean by him struggling in battle. He's green, but he's got a spark.
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 8:59 am Post subject: |
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Right. So does Zaur attack the Republic with a seperate army or does the Emperor of the Zentarans have this plan anyway but beaten to it by Zaur.
I was refering to Ryuhei having to go into battle without combat experience. Hence I thought he would struggle having to go into battle without being trained enough prior to entering into a battle.
I'm only trying to get the story to expand, not to slant it. I'm helping you to explain what you can.
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:39 am Post subject: |
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The Zentarans are planning to gain the Republic's trust, turning it into a Vichy State of sorts. Zaur has other ideas; he intends to crush the Republic from within, thus demoralizing them and paving the way for further conquest. Zaur's father is more pragmatic and sly; he thinks the silver tounge is the best weapon in dealing with the humans.
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 3:55 pm Post subject: |
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So the Earth Defence Force will thwart the Zentarans to ultimately run the universe in peace or is it for power of ruling over the universe?
Also when does Ryuhei become Alphaboy? Is it perhaps when Zaur starts over-running the Republic?
Also does Zaur crush the Republic when his father had the Republic in his own grasp?
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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Neither. The Zentarans are a threat masquerading as potential allies.
When does Ryuhei become Alphaboy? The epilogue has him being made the new commander of Stardust, now renamed Alpha. His codename? You guessed it.
Zaur kills his old man. He was a liability to his own plan.
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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As a scientist, does Junko become more than just someone who raised Ryuhei? Does he play out further into the story with a more significant role?
Taken hostage or something to trigger Ryuhei to think of.
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
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Age: 19
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Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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She.
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BrandonSP
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 06, 2010
Age: 23
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Location: San Diego, CA
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: Revising a childhood creation. |
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| Giftorcurse wrote: | | Oh, and Ryu looks like Shinji Ikari. The love interest looks like Asuka, Junko looks like Yui, and I'm starting to get off on a tangent now... I like cheese. |
Why must you base your characters' appearances on those of other peoples'? Can't you design your own unique looks for your own characters? |
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Giftorcurse
In a perpetual state of stage fright.
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2426
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry, I tend to visualize a lot. Also, Alphaboy is very anime in style, in particular Evangelion, so call it my tribute.
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