MeloJag
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Posts: 141
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 Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 6:08 pm Post subject: How to not view females differently |
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| I've noticed recently that I come across to females as a creep. Part of this is of course because of the social difficulties we have. However a big part of it is also because I view them as aliens. So then how does one go about changing this? The only idea I have come up with is to be mindful of it. But I dont know, any one got ideas? |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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Why do you view them that way?
Maybe subjecting your underlying reasoning to criticism will make this perception of yours unravel.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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SilkySifaka
Lemur
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 1396
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | Why do you view them that way?
Maybe subjecting your underlying reasoning to criticism will make this perception of yours unravel. |
This.
'Women' aren't just one entity - we're not a distinct species and we aren't all the same. Lumping us all together as aliens is probably not very helpful. We are all individuals with different needs, wants and personalities. Perhaps it might be best focussing on getting to know women as individuals, as people rather than as 'women'. |
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sacrip
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 18, 2008
Age: 39
Posts: 667
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Really, the best way to understand women is to talk to them, just like you'd talk to any man. Some are smart, some are dumb, some are hard working, some are lazy, etc...They have to live in this world just like we do, except with less upper body strength and funnier looking shoes.
And don't call them 'females'. That just makes YOU sound like an alien.
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Everything would be better if you were in charge. |
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MeloJag
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Yea Definitely I think that is the answer. I just need to be around them and trying talking to them more. |
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MeloJag
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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| actually I just need try to get to know people more |
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ThinkTrees
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 218
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, just apply logic: male & female of same species = more commonalities than differences.
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Zinia
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 344
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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I'm glad you're trying not to view women as aliens.
I also have a difficult time with my view of men. I've found that it stems from my past experiences. Maybe try looking over your past experiences and memories of various females. Write about them. Then look through them and consider if you were assigning your observations of those PEOPLE's actions to their being female.
For example: When I was a teenager a rich man solicited me for prostitution. I didn't do it, but at the time I seemed to have glossed over his actions and assumed they were because he was male.
In retrospect, I see that he didn't do that because he was male--he did it because he was someone who was fine with committing two crimes--sleeping with a minor and also paying for prostitution (both of which are illegal).
So, it helped for me to see him as a person who did this stuff, instead of as a typical male. Most men wouldn't do that.
In reality, women are just people. There are all kinds of women--individuals, all of them.
Maybe try reading about various women too--seeing diverse voices and experiences.
Another thing I like to do is read books with female point of view, written by male authors. Maybe if you could find some books you like, written by women, then you would be able to understand that there are more similarities than differences.
I think that your issues with relating to women might very well be attributed to your view of women in general, and I think it's very wise of you to consider your view of women. |
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lostonearth35
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 06, 2010
Age: 39
Posts: 839
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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Fine, you try not to view women as aliens and I'll try not to view men as pigs.  Though lord knows it's hard when they tell us to go to the kitchen and make them a "sammich".  |
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MinorAnnoyance
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 05, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 132
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 10:25 pm Post subject: |
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| I've been reading a lot of non-fiction books written by women somewhat for the purpose of seeing how women think. They're mostly written by comics or comedy writers I know from TV since that's what I'd want to read anyway. |
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Stargazer43
Scruffy-looking Nerf Herder
Joined: Nov 07, 2011
Posts: 1328
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Women really aren't all that different from us, we're all people after all! Once you understand that we're really all much more similar than different, then I think you won't have nearly as many problems dealing with women! |
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Bloodheart
Grisha's Gal
Joined: Jan 18, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 2168
Location: Newcastle, England.
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 11:49 pm Post subject: |
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If you find a magical answer for this let me know - I am a female and I treat females differently.
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Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. |
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MeloJag
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah I think reading about various women will be the next step. Been reading mostly about men. Thanks everyone
@lostonearth35 yea good luck with that. We are not all pigs, some of us are just half-pig lol j/k  |
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MeloJag
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Zinia, thats a excellent idea for an exercise to do. I'll have to try it. |
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MinorAnnoyance
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 05, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 132
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Stargazer43 wrote: | | Women really aren't all that different from us, we're all people after all! Once you understand that we're really all much more similar than different, then I think you won't have nearly as many problems dealing with women! |
I've often heard reference to "learning to talk to women" but I don't have a problem talking to women, It's people I have trouble with and there's a lot of overlap there. |
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