amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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 Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 12:52 am Post subject: lost please help! |
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So, I am 25 years old and am still having an extremely hard time living life day to day. I am extremely intelligent but I am crippled by my non-existant communication skill. Which frustrates me! Anything I do, comes natural! I pick up sports, education, mechanics, etc. Everything just comes natural! When I say everything, I mean everything, and immediately! My communication limits me. Its so bad its crippling. I can't make friends. So that means no girl friend, no buddies, etc. Unless I act wild and wear booty shorts to the mall or a Santa hat and a speedo in the summer at the beach. Then I meet people that are wild too but my lack of communication skills limits the progression of the friendship. So it only lasts a short while. Then they realize that they made a mistake.
I work out a lot. I'm 6 foot tall 205 pounds of muscle or 93.2kg. I boxed for 5 years so I'm used to being in shape. I can sit around for months and maintain my shape.
I am severely obsessive with a lot of topics. Mainly computers! I am proficient in 4 languages and am working on 2 more at the moment. If I do pick an interest up, I go at it fullheartedly! Never half ass!
As you can see, I like to talk about myself a lot lol From afar, I seem normal. Its when I start to talk that it is obvious! When I walk in the mall, I am so uncomfortable! I walk and look where I am walking but then I see people and they are looking at me. Which makes for a lot of eye contact! Sometimes I stare, or look away really fast. Then I don't know what to do so ill stare at the wall or the floor and I feel the level of awkwardess skyrocket! I don't know weather to smile or say hi. While waiting at the counter for a coffee, I'll remain quite because of lack of knowing what to say. It makes it awkward for everyone behind the counter.
My family consists of my herion addict mother and sister. A brother in prison and my sisters 2 kids. They ha e done me so dirty and make me feel like a burden and unwanted. They avoid me and often redicule me.
I am on disability and only collect $700 a month. An apartment I. New Jersey is roughly $800 or more a month. So I'm living at my grand fathers for the moment but I feel so lost because of my situation and feel like there is no way out!
I feel so alone and I see everyone on these autism forum's with significant others and friends and communicating fine and I wonder, is aspergers just a bull sh** diagnosis or are people freely and readily adopting this "label" to feel better about them being awkward?
I thought aspergers was a communication disorder. I dont fit in in tbe real world or even tbe internet. I was reading someones post on here and he said he has a friend with aspergers and he doesn't know if he can befriend him anymore. I wish I could find that one person that could push all my baggage aside and be a friend to me. I don't know what to do or where to go and would like to hear feed back! Thanks |
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redrobin62
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 3828
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 1:12 am Post subject: |
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| They have Meetup groups for aspies in most cities in the U.S., probably the world at this point. There's online dating. There's work or school. There's religious organizations. Visit your local dog park with a golden lab retriever. Don't laugh. Dogs are a weak spot for females. |
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amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| I tried college and it didn't work out man. And if I can't make friends how am I going to get a GF? This is just the way it is and the way it shall remain! |
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vanhalenkurtz
Velociraptor
Joined: May 10, 2012
Posts: 460
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 1:38 am Post subject: |
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Pardon the tough love but going to college to find a girlfriend is a poor use of funds. Far as you know, a girlfriend is where your self-esteem problems really kick up. You got to find out how to be friends with yourself to get some viable traction.
_________________
ASQ: 45. RAADS-R: 229.
BAP: 132 aloof, 132 rigid, 104 pragmatic.
Aspie score: 173 / 200.
NT score: 33 / 200.
EQ: 6. |
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amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 1:59 am Post subject: |
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| I didn't say I went to college to find a girl friend. You misunderstood what I said. I went to school to learn. I love learning. It didn't work out though. Mostly because the environment was to much for me to handle! Way too many people and it was a sensory overload! I felt all eyes were on me and I would say the dumbest stuff in class and look like a fool. No one would socialize with me and I felt out of place. A very uncomfortable feeling! |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:22 am Post subject: |
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| amboxer21 wrote: | | I tried college and it didn't work out man. And if I can't make friends how am I going to get a GF? This is just the way it is and the way it shall remain! |
look for a good Aspie girl who shares your special interests  |
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amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:33 am Post subject: |
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| I don't even know where to begin to look for an aspire chick with the same level of communication issues as I have. I'm more concerned about my life in general and how it is affected by my lack of communication skills. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:35 am Post subject: Re: lost please help! |
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| amboxer21 wrote: | | I am on disability and only collect $700 a month. An apartment I. New Jersey is roughly $800 or more a month. So I'm living at my grand fathers for the moment but I feel so lost because of my situation and feel like there is no way out ... I wish I could find that one person that could push all my baggage aside and be a friend to me. |
You could get into a relationship and wind up feeling the same way as you do at your grandfathers ... only it would be far more complicated to get out of. Be careful, I think you're all set up to walk blindly into something like that. You probably don't even believe it could happen!
I don't have any easy answer, I'm struggling with similar problems and I always have been, but I know the solution is total independance. Even though I don't know how to get there, I know that's the right destination. |
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amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:48 am Post subject: |
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I have been in relationships before and I always get too attached, too quick! And I often feel confused, alienated and lost. It spirals out of control and I know I should let go but can't. It really gets quite messy!
This is going to sound messed up but I am glad someone has similar problems. Only because it lets me know that I am not alone! I'm sorry! |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:49 am Post subject: Re: lost please help! |
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| amboxer21 wrote: |
I feel so alone and I see everyone on these autism forum's with significant others and friends and communicating fine and I wonder, is aspergers just a bull sh** diagnosis or are people freely and readily adopting this "label" to feel better about them being awkward?
I thought aspergers was a communication disorder. I dont fit in in tbe real world or even tbe internet. I was reading someones post on here and he said he has a friend with aspergers and he doesn't know if he can befriend him anymore. I wish I could find that one person that could push all my baggage aside and be a friend to me. I don't know what to do or where to go and would like to hear feed back! Thanks |
I communicate best in writing -- in real life I don't do nearly as good by a long shot.
Although social skills don't come naturally to us, they can be learned. Another thing to keep in mind -- since we have to cognitively learn social skills, unless there is early diagnosis and intervention, we tend to be late bloomers -- I didn't start to find my feet until my mid 30's. |
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amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:56 am Post subject: |
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I feel its lo late! I'm already 25 and have no idea how or where to begin to establish proper communication skills. I absorb information and educational material like a sponge but when it comes to communication, it just doesn't happen. I think that's what aspergers/autism is though. A life long struggle to try to developed the undevelopeable! I have accepted that this is who I am and cannot change it. Maybe you got lucky curiouskitten.
I just wish j had a family who cared and knew I have a problem that will not allow me to be independent. In order to do anything in life "we" need good communication skills. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 3:04 am Post subject: |
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| amboxer21 wrote: | | I feel its lo late! I'm already 25 |
Hey, I'm 39, and I'm not out of time yet. Best if you get a move on but don't sweat it so much ... time is hardly a barrier for you at all right now. People start their whole lives over (or even just start) from scratch decades later than 25. |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 3:12 am Post subject: |
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| amboxer21 wrote: | I feel its lo late! I'm already 25 and have no idea how or where to begin to establish proper communication skills. I absorb information and educational material like a sponge but when it comes to communication, it just doesn't happen. I think that's what aspergers/autism is though. A life long struggle to try to developed the undevelopeable! I have accepted that this is who I am and cannot change it. Maybe you got lucky curiouskitten.
I just wish j had a family who cared and knew I have a problem that will not allow me to be independent. In order to do anything in life "we" need good communication skills. |
I'm actually actively researching how to communicate more effectively at work. For me, research means books, and without access to a good library, that's going slow.
My family cared, and tried, but Aspergers was unknown when I was your age. Nobody had a clue what was wrong with me, or what to do about it besides yell at me to be more mature and get over my phobias.
I met my current husband online back in '98 -- on a forum focused on role-playing and discussing ancient history. Being close friends and having interests in common has provided us with a good foundation for our marriage. |
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amboxer21
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 329
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 3:15 am Post subject: |
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| Maybe you two have a much milder case than I? |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 3:21 am Post subject: |
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| amboxer21 wrote: | | Maybe you two have a much milder case than I? |
That's possible, but it's more likely that we're both older. Aspies tend to be late bloomers, esp if there isn't early intervention.
My best friend's daughter is on SSI -- she got it on the first try, her case was that open and shut. When I was her age, I wasn't doing much better than she is now. |
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