AudaciousLarue
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 17, 2012
Posts: 75
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 Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 8:22 pm Post subject: Am I insane? |
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I suffer from autism, obviously. I am a junior-going-on-senior in high school and I'm still searching for answers in my life. The one thing that bugs me is this nagging suspicion that I have schizophrenia or something else.
I always knew that I wasn't normal. But no one ever told me until a few years ago. I've been incredibly depressed since then.
Anyways, I keep thinking that I might be insane(but then again, if I were insane would I even be posting this thread?)
When I was a child up until even now(and what I am about to say scares me honestly...) I was obsessed with...violence, even before I laid eyes on violent movies or video games(which frankly I don't watch/play). Not actually causing harm, but, like, thinking about hurting people all the time.
I told my psychiatrist and my parents. They said I have O.C.D. that when combined with autism, creates such violent thoughts. Is this true?
Secondly, I sometimes feel extremely paranoid. I look over my shoulder, obsessively check doors to make sure that they are locked, etc. etc.
Is this autism/O.C.D. too? |
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redrobin62
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 3821
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Maybe you SHOULD start playing violent video games like Fallout 3 or Call Of Duty Modern Warfare just to get your violent urges out. It really really REALLY sucks when people go on violent deadly rampages like the one in Seattle today. |
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Blueberrypie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 11, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 47
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| Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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Do not make the fatal mistake of thinking random strangers on the internet can give you the answers you seek. You're smarter than this. You should be, at least. Anyone here whom will answer to your question will base their reply on how you've expressed yourself. The "AM I CRAZY!? PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT! I HAVE AN OBSESSIVE FIXATION ON VIOLENCE AND HURTING OTHER PEOPLE, I'M ALSO PARANOID, DEPRESSED AND FEEL MISERABLE ABOUT MYSELF!!!11" isn't really a good way to portray yourself on the net. I understand that you're in pain, a lot of people can relate to you with your issues. I just want you to know that you'll get comfort on this website, not necessarily truth or the answers you're seeking.
A professional told you that these compulsive thoughts stems from your troubles, and I'd be inclined to believe that.
On another note, let me try to give you my subjective and entirely debatable quib:
You're paranoid because you're insecure. You don't 'fit' into Society very well and struggle with social dynamics, making you feel progressively alienated from your peers. When it comes to autism, it isn't strange for a youth to become fixated on violence, revenge and such when struggling to fit in and become part of the 'crowd'. You're frustrated and in pain, and a way to blow off steam is to stimulate yourself intellectually by the use of your imagination. One could also call it mental mastrubation, lol. This is ordinary when it comes to people whom are bullied. Some see themselves with magical powers, the girl they like, or someone might portray themselves as a successful businessman with everything he so desires. It is normal to dream. Your fantasies might stem from feeling slighted or somesuch, and you therefore harbor feelings of ill will towards X, Y and life in general.
I imagine it'll help to become more 'grounded' in yourself, as in... Get confident. Believe in yourself. Stop being a weakling. We don't like beta males. Stand up for yourself. Trust yourself. Blablabla, I don't really know. The fact that you recognize that your violent inclinations is morally wrong is a good thing, but I think you'll need to 'accept' yourself, silly as it sounds. My impression is that you're afraid of yourself and what you might be capable of, were you to lose control.
That's what I THINK. That's my impression from people that's in pain and feel depressed, anyway.
Their 'dark thoughts' reflect their emotional health. |
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AudaciousLarue
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 17, 2012
Posts: 75
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| Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 7:15 am Post subject: |
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I should have phrased the thread differently...or even not made it at all.
I do thank "Blueberrypie" for attempting to make a serious response.
I understand that violence is no doubt wrong, and believe that I'll never act it out.
I'm usually careful about this...I just didn't feel right yesterday.  |
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