Liv337
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 08, 2012
Posts: 2
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 Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:39 pm Post subject: I love him, should I tell him? |
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I am a young adult and I am completely IN LOVE with a guy who has AS. I am NT, and we go to school together. People who are friends with us say that they all think he likes me a lot also because he does things like hanging out with me, talking to me, and being around me all the time. He also laughs a lot mor with me than he does with most people, treats me differently than he does his other female friends, and he is willing to hug me, lay on my shoulder, etc..
So that's my first question.. DO YOU THINK HE LIKES ME? WHAT ARE SOME COMMON WAYS THAT PEOPLE WITH AS SHOW THAT THEY LIKE SOMEONE?
Secondly, I've heard that when people have AS you often have to be very upfront with them, because they have a hard time picking up social cues. So here is my second question SHOULD I TELL HIM HOW I FEEL? AND IF SO, HOW SHOULD I WORD IT??
I do't want to scare him off, because he just ended a relationship with another girl (she is NT) because she was bossy, and she didn't accept him for who he is, she constantly tried to force him to be the 'perfect boyfriend' which I know he will never be in her eyes, and the eyes of society, but to me, he's absolutely perfect, and I just want to let him know that if he dated me, it wouldn't be controlling and awkward b/c I truly like him for him. So, since I do not have any experience with people who have AS, I'm not sure how to tell him all this... Any Ideas would be SO SO appreciated!!
THANK YOU!  |
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redrobin62
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 3822
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:04 am Post subject: |
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What are his aspie traits?
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:05 am Post subject: |
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| I think telling him is a good idea, you might never get a sense of how he feels otherwise. I would take his answer at face value, i.e. if he says he's interested but still seems awkward (either body language or conversationally), that's just how it is with AS sometimes, doesn't mean he's lying. |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 872
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 2:54 am Post subject: |
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| If you aren't comfortable with telling him in person, write a letter, email or send a text. I sent a detailed email to the Aspie guy that I like because I was embarrassed to do in person. I put it all out there for him. It was the best thing I could have done. He would have never known how I felt. You have to put it out there and see what happens. Don't worry about the wording. Speak from the heart. That's the best way get an honest and sincere message across. |
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Liv337
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 08, 2012
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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His aspie traits are:
Repetitive routines (usually, but is willing to break them sometimes)
Strong sensitivity to certain fabrics (always wears the same type of clothes)
Eccentric Personality (He is very outgoing and social, extremely friendly, hates confrontation)
Being "in his own world"
Single-mindedness
Likes and dislikes can be a bit strong
Collects things |
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Roxas_XIII
Fortune favors the bold
Joined: Jan 09, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 3298
Location: Laramie, WY
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 7:26 am Post subject: Re: I love him, should I tell him? |
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| Liv337 wrote: | I am a young adult and I am completely IN LOVE with a guy who has AS. I am NT, and we go to school together. People who are friends with us say that they all think he likes me a lot also because he does things like hanging out with me, talking to me, and being around me all the time. He also laughs a lot mor with me than he does with most people, treats me differently than he does his other female friends, and he is willing to hug me, lay on my shoulder, etc..
So that's my first question.. DO YOU THINK HE LIKES ME? WHAT ARE SOME COMMON WAYS THAT PEOPLE WITH AS SHOW THAT THEY LIKE SOMEONE?
Secondly, I've heard that when people have AS you often have to be very upfront with them, because they have a hard time picking up social cues. So here is my second question SHOULD I TELL HIM HOW I FEEL? AND IF SO, HOW SHOULD I WORD IT??
I do't want to scare him off, because he just ended a relationship with another girl (she is NT) because she was bossy, and she didn't accept him for who he is, she constantly tried to force him to be the 'perfect boyfriend' which I know he will never be in her eyes, and the eyes of society, but to me, he's absolutely perfect, and I just want to let him know that if he dated me, it wouldn't be controlling and awkward b/c I truly like him for him. So, since I do not have any experience with people who have AS, I'm not sure how to tell him all this... Any Ideas would be SO SO appreciated!!
THANK YOU! |
Just freakin' GO FOR IT! By the sounds of it he may be having the exact same dilemma, and it's probably even harder for him because he is AS. But the whole hanging out all the time, he's obviously happy just being AROUND you, basically what I call the "Lover's Aura Effect", where you're head over heels with someone but aren't in a relationship yet, but you don't really care because their very presence makes your day better.
But seriously, you think YOU'RE getting cold feet telling him how you feel? Lady you have no idea, speaking from both the AS and male perspective, he's probably has the same problem times X. The woman I'm dating right now, I fell for her the first time I met her, but it took me a month and a half to summon enough courage to break the ice. As it turns out, just like you, she had already gotten the idea that I liked her, and from her perspective I was a sweet and caring guy with whom she wouldn't have minded being "more than friends", but was unsure whether or not I was ever going to ask her. She kept dropping hints like calling me "adorable" in response to my over-dramatized reaction to something we were joking about, et cetera. In the end she was about to give up thinking that her intuition was wrong, thankfully I rallied just in time and asked her. We've been dating over half a year and counting, and for what its worth I would have no problems whatsoever right now with staying this way, till death do us part.
But anyways, you and your guy friend here have the same damn problem. Both of you are head over heels with the other but are afraid to confess your feelings, so you act like two people who meet each other on the sidewalk and keep trying to walk around each other but can't cause they move the same direction each time. It's a stalemate, essentially. I've seen this trope played out in so many shojo manga it's not even funny, and if someone doesn't buck up and confess in time it never ends well. So, for the love of the sixth Major Arcana* JUST TELL HIM ALREADY!!!
*Referring of course to the tarot. The sixth Major Arcana is The Lovers and is one of the few cards that means what it says. My aforementioned girlfriend is an amateur fortuneteller so I tend to drop obscure tarot references often.
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"Yeah, so this one time, I tried playing poker with tarot cards... got a full house, and about four people died." ~ Unknown comedian
Happy New Year from WP's resident fortune-teller! May the cards be ever in your favor. |
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Aelfwine
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 04, 2012
Posts: 184
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree to the post from Roxas_XIII. |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2130
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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Yes; but I might start with like before love.
I would go and be very blunt "I like you and I would like to go on a date with you"
sh**; if a girl I liked said that to be, I'd prob fall down in thanks to God. |
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Silhouette-Song
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Nov 18, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 191
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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I told the aspie in my life I liked him and now we're going out.
D: I was shocked.
Go for it and good luck
Be blunt. Don't beat around the bush.
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So why care for these petty obsessions? Your designer heart still beats with common blood.
~Grave Robber, Repo! Genetic Opera. |
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Roxas_XIII
Fortune favors the bold
Joined: Jan 09, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 3298
Location: Laramie, WY
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Aelfwine wrote: | | I agree to the post from Roxas_XIII. |
Like I said, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, watched the re-runs. You can trust me on this.
_________________
"Yeah, so this one time, I tried playing poker with tarot cards... got a full house, and about four people died." ~ Unknown comedian
Happy New Year from WP's resident fortune-teller! May the cards be ever in your favor. |
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