Been thinking abouthow I interact with people

zacb · Deinonychus Joined: May 08, 2012 Posts: 360

I am kind of going to be going all over the place so please forgive me. But I have noticed that I feel like I may be able to connect with someone, but it just feels like there is a lost dimension to the relationship. That's the only way to describe it.

Now on to the second thing I was thinking about. I was watching Forrest Gump tonight, and it got me thinking about something that I have thought about before. I may love somebody in the sense of helping them out for no apparent reason, or love them as in lust, but when it come to true love (the first) , I have kind of the same problem as I do with the first problem. I may go through the motions, but as far as anything deep, it hardly happens (on rare occasions it does). But it seems like I go through the motions with caring about someone, but I actually kind of don't care.

Now unto a separate matter. At one point in my life, I felt so depressed I wanted to commit suicide, which thank God I am over. But in order to do that I put up a wall and focused on my future and so I stuck my head to the books and kind of isolated myself. This was prior to knowing about asperger syndrome. So anyways I kind of have noticed something. That even though I try to block out the pain, it does not entirely go away. And so I have noticed that in the long run that if I continue to cover it up it won't get to the root. Since the root is not just friendlessness, but actually asperger syndrome, I actually need to focus on that, and the friendship aspect will get better. I guess to some up how I have made myself feel is that I am emotionless (not fully, but rather) and I just feel as though I need to be more expressive . So I guess how do I do that. I may go through the motions, but it never feels like I am actually expressing anything.

So any thoughts? Thanks