How do you handle compliments?

Post Reply New Topic

This question is for the AS folks. How do you handle compliments? Do they make you uncomfortable? How exactly do they make you feel? I ask because I find that when I compliment my special someone (has AS) says he said he has a hard time knowing what to say. I told him "Thank You" is usually appropriate and so he's started doing that. I thought it was interesting that he had a hard time with compliments and wondered what were your experiences.

They are a little awkward or uncomfortable. I always say thanks or OK.

They are a little awkward or uncomfortable. I always say thanks or OK.

I definitely have a difficult time knowing what to say because I don't want to come off as egotistical, although I probably already do as I don't know if I am the most modest bloke.

Agreed - I really, really want to avoid coming across as a snotty, egotistical alpha-male (a trait I despise) so I'll usually (without thinking about it) minimize the compliment and say something like, "Thanks, but I'm just doing my job" or "Thanks, but I'm sure it's what any friend would do," etc.

I really should just accept it with a warm and sincere, "Hey, thanks!"

I either take too long thinking of a suitable way to respond or I'll give them a fake smile to bide some time. If I still can't think of anything I just nod >.>

Smile and say "Thank you".
Usually I feel pleased that the person wants to say something nice about me.

As a very short man, I've learned to question
whether compliments are said sincerely,
or out of pity / patronizing demeanor.

Mostly I get compliments for my artistic abilities
that amount to, "I wish I could draw/paint like that. [pointing]"
to which I typically reply, "You can. What's stopping you?"
I appreciate their sentiment, but their statements are evidently false.
If their wishes were sincere, they would put in the time
and practice that I have.

When friends compliment my intelligence with no indicated
context, that stumps me. I usually go silent, or ask
them how I have conveyed that impression. I would
gladly dispel this favorable impression if in return I could
escape the impression others have that I'm an idiot,
because I am neither extreme.

It depends. When I was younger, I found it very difficult to believe them and didn't know how to respond. However, now I have more confidence and so my responses have changed. Some times I say "Thank You", but lately I have adopted more self-confident responses like "It's because I'm awesome!", or Han Solo's response to Leia-" I know". Now, the more obnoxious ones are only done with people I know well and who understand me well enough that they won't find it off putting. It is surprising to me though just how much I can get away with and I sometimes do try to push the envelope just a little. Then again, my trying to get away with something means I probably just act in a way that makes me seem more normal as I am usually quite reserved and proper.

Last edited by outofplace on 22 Jun 2012, 12:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

The rationalization IE, "it's what anyone would do" etc, actually puts the person who gives the compliment down because their judgment is called into question.

It's an old habit I'm trying to break... if I don't actively think about it, the natural reaction is to minimize the compliment. I imagine some might take that badly...

All the more reason to do what I ended my post with. A genuine "thanks!" is all that's required and would likely have the best outcome anyway.

I find it awkward and I newer know what to say.

There are the "look" compliments like "you have such pretty eyes" or something like that. I would never say that to a person I do not know very well, and I usually just end up smiling and sometimes I just try to get away as fast as possible (It sometimes happens that I have misunderstood/overlooked all aparently obvious signs that some male is interested in me ) I find that looks just give a first impression, you have to talk to people to get to know them, therefore I find it rather stupid to remark on good looks. An execption is my more "extreme" styles, like when I had turquoise hair. Then I found it ok if strangers remarked something positive/cool.

Then there are the "you are very intelligent" compliments. I dont really know what to say to that either. As I have no idea if people really mean what they are saying (usually I think they are just saying it, because it is considered a non comittet compliment, like "I like your new sweater"). If it is a male and he seems to be slightly interested (hard to tell, really) then I usually ignore it as a it dosn´t meen anything. Most of the time I just try to mumble something that I find reasonable to say in the situation, mostly belitteling myself, I guess.

I rarely make compliments myself. If I do, it is either somethig on the lines of --- well I hardly ever do, come to think about it. I sometimes remark on the fact that people have a new haricut or new coat or something like that, and they seem to accept it as some form of compliment

I think I only make compliments to my children or if it is somebody that I know Very well.

For me they are awkward. Back in school, girls would bully me by pretending they thought I was hot when it was really not possible then. I didn't look good til I left school I was the computer club guy. So when I do get genuine compliments they make me feel a bit sad or awkward. Sometimes I can pick up when people mean it though and take them well getting there!

Compliments are awkward for me for one of two reasons, either because a) I don't believe that it's a sincere compliment - I think whoever said it is just trying to make me feel better about myself (it's well-known that I have low self-esteem) or b) On much rarer occasions, I know that what they're saying is true, but I don't want to come across as arrogant.

In cases of Scenario a, I do some self-deprecation and refute their compliment. In cases of Scenario b, I smile, blush, laugh and say "Thank you".

My normal response is to break eye contact, a nervous "heh", and pretending to be occupied with something. I've slowly been developing the "thank you" response, and if I am able to process it in time, I follow with "you too" (which is usually a lie). I do the obnoxious "I know" or "one does one's best" reactions when I am actively attempting to be a D-bag for fun. I usually don't believe it when people give compliments. I think it's just social protocol to say them. But I try not to see the givers of them as "liars". Instead I see them as making an honest attempt to make someone else feel good about him/herself, even if it's obviously not true (but not too obvious). The fact that they made an effort to lie to attempt to make you feel good about yourself, albeit probably unsuccessfully, makes them okay in my book (in that aspect).

P.S. I don't really have a book.

I handle them badly. I usually just look at the floor and mumble things. I also don't give compliments very well either. I can manage 'You look nice' or 'Well done' but that is it. I don't give compliments about people's personality for example. In the past, some of my boyfriends have commented on this. Luckily my boyfriend now doesn't mind the lack of compliments.