LittleSwallow
Raven
Joined: Aug 26, 2011
Posts: 116
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 Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:16 am Post subject: Good or bad idea to be overprotective of Aspies??? |
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or Autistic people??
Do you find that family or friends or other people like teachers and what not, treat you like a child and organise issues in your life without at least showing you how to do it? Also when you show interest in something life-changing, like finally wanting to drive, that you can't do it, because either no one is encouraging you or helping you in anyway possible, because they think you are going to fail at it anyway?
Do you find it hard than to be more independant? |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:48 am Post subject: Yes |
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Yes, this happened to me a good bit when I was younger, but doesn't happen nearly as much now. I am in my early 50s now, live alone, and by now my family knows I tend to go my own way on things, but they do still try to influence me on stuff occasionally.  |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13482
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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Over protective is a bad idea because they how are we going to learn from our mistakes and learn to live a normal life or learn to deal with things and how to cope and adapt?
I had to deal with all this in school and I hated it. Then finally my mother stepped in and said I was nearly an adult and I am going to have to make mistakes, learn from them or how else would I learn? I had to fight to take driver's ed and do driving after school, and fight to take drama. Then finally I said about drama "Then let me find out for myself I can't do it and see how wrong I was and right you were" and they shut up. It took me days to come up with that to say it. it was like reverse psychology. Plus they were telling me I can't work fast food or it be too chaotic, too demanding and I would have to work fast and deal with people.
They were trying to set limitations for me. Now just imagine if my own parents were the same way? 
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btbnnyr
Rabbit In Cat's Clothing
Joined: May 19, 2011
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:26 pm Post subject: |
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Bad idear to be overprotective, I think.
Good idear to teach autistic children how to do things, and don't assume that they can't do this or that, just because they are autistic. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
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Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah I have ran into that sort of thing...It's like people think I don't try hard enough and then if I do actually come up with an idea and jump on it then it seems people don't take me seriously at all and just assume I'll give up without trying or something. So I don't end up getting a lot of encouragement. Like I kind of have issues with motivation and using a phone makes me very anxious so it's hard for me to schedule appointments and check on job applications and such over the phone and kind of in general considering my face to face social skills kinda suck. I mean to me that is difficult but if I set my mind to it I can do it, it just kind of has to be at my pace...but then my mom is likely to turn it into 'well you can't do it yourself so I took the liberty of doing all this for you.' but its kind of grudginly like 'i'll help' but you should have been able to already have done it yourself.' Seems like kind of a double standard.
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Atomsk
Bass Fiend
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Age: 24
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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| This happens to me often. So now, I rarely tell my mother about plans I have and things I want to do. I'll tell her some idea I have and she'll just shoot it down, and she'll say it very loudly in a way that makes it so I can't talk - her voice can be loud and irritating under normal circumstances, and under those it's really bad. So I just don't run ideas by her anymore. |
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Oren
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 27, 2010
Posts: 616
Location: United States
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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I broke away from that by standing up for myself and refusing to accept it.
That was very difficult and took time.
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ADoyle90815
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 17, 2011
Age: 37
Posts: 325
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 2:27 am Post subject: |
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| It hasn't happened to me that much, but I knew someone growing up who was also on the autistic spectrum that I'll call "Will" whose parents were extremely overprotective and controlling. This person would probably never get married because his mom would be one of those monster-in-laws starting with a detailed background check. I was surprised that she let this person move into an apartment with a roommate as part of some housing program for disabled adults. The mom also decided that "Will" wasn't capable of driving, so she stopped him from finishing the driving lessons and taking the actual road test. While it's possible that she was right in that he couldn't have driven safely, I also think it was a way to prevent Will from gaining more independence. I do think that if his mom wasn't so overprotective, that person I called Will would be more independent than he is today. |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
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Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 5:07 am Post subject: |
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imho: overprotection is never good for anyone involved.
. . . but neither am I a fan of the sink or swim method that was the default for my generation.
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howzat
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Age: 26
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Location: Hornsey North London
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 3:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Its a terrible idea to over protect as you will end up not learning anything in the long term. |
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 30
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Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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Very frustrating, yes. Sometimes people assume I am incompetent, do things for me, and then get confused because I can't do them. Well, duh; you're jumping in and doing them for me before I have a chance to figure them out for myself!
But I have the opposite problem more often: People assume that I'm high-functioning and can't have any of the problems they associated with low-functioning. As a result they end up getting confused, disappointed, or angry when I mess up at something that I suck at doing, because apparently I'm not supposed to suck at it.
I wish they'd just listen to me when I say I need help with one thing and not the other. I'm the one living in my head; I ought to know.
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13482
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Callista wrote: | Very frustrating, yes. Sometimes people assume I am incompetent, do things for me, and then get confused because I can't do them. Well, duh; you're jumping in and doing them for me before I have a chance to figure them out for myself!
But I have the opposite problem more often: People assume that I'm high-functioning and can't have any of the problems they associated with low-functioning. As a result they end up getting confused, disappointed, or angry when I mess up at something that I suck at doing, because apparently I'm not supposed to suck at it.
I wish they'd just listen to me when I say I need help with one thing and not the other. I'm the one living in my head; I ought to know. |
In my junior year of high school towards the end of the year, people there went from under estimating me to over estimating me. There is no in between for these people.
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MakaylaTheAspie
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Age: 16
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Location: Aus den USA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:40 am Post subject: |
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I think it's due to my level of functioning, but my parent's are relaxed and let me do what makes me happy. They only get protective when we're in public.
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Brandin
Butterfly
Joined: May 12, 2012
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:51 am Post subject: |
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Referring to the OP's example of driving, it's a good thing my parents never did anything to stop me from being independent in that area, because it's a necessity due to where I live. There is no public transportation here, and to have a maintainable existence, one must drive. This is also one area in which I have had little issue -- driving might be tiring sometimes (though this could be due to other problems), but I have always been able to do it passingly well. I have seen far worse drivers in the NT population, and been in the passenger seat with several of them, haha!
I'm siding with the opinion in this thread that it's bad to overprotect aspie kids. In doing so, one not only limits the possibility of being independent, but also creates the chance that they might never discover natural strengths considered atypical for autistic kids. No matter what happens, parents pass at some point, and noone is going to care as much as they do; therefore, teaching a kid to survive on his own is one of the best lessons a parent can teach. |
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Shellfish
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 07, 2011
Posts: 416
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:11 am Post subject: |
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| CuriousKitten wrote: | imho: overprotection is never good for anyone involved.
. . . but neither am I a fan of the sink or swim method that was the default for my generation. |
I would agree with this. I am in the process of trying to meet the equilibrium but it's tricky...
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