katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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 Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:39 pm Post subject: Men, please help me. |
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What is it that you want in a woman? In a general sense. When is an acceptable time to hold off on sleeping with a man without being considered a slut? How long should you wait to have any conversations on how you may feel about each other? I'm about 1 more broken heart away from becoming a lesbian (not really, maybe). What do you want???
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outofplace
Geometrophile
Joined: Jun 11, 2012
Age: 39
Posts: 1771
Location: In A State of Quantum Flux
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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I am probably the last person to give advice on this subject as I am a 38 year old virgin who has never had a relationship and has been on less than 5 dates his entire life.
That being said, I have no problem waiting until marriage for sex. It's the most logical course to take as it reduces the chances of disease and unwanted pregnancy. It also dovetails with my beliefs and is the course of action I will most likely follow unless I have an unlikely moment of weakness in which I do something illogical.
As for what I am looking for, I want someone that I like enough to give up on celibacy. That person would be a Christian, and someone I could at least have good conversations with about a wide variety of subjects. I also want someone who shares my political philosophy and at least some of my more pressing interests. With those tests passed, I would also want to have at least a modicum of physical attraction towards her since trying to have a physical relationship with someone I am repulsed by would be an act of futility.
Now as far as how long to wait until you share feelings, that depends. I would wait until I got to know someone fairly well, and I don't think you can realistically do that in less than a few weeks.
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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic
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PTSmorrow
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 14, 2011
Age: 54
Posts: 719
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:36 am Post subject: |
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What i'm really looking for is a woman who can provide constant mental stimulation and has interests far beyond personal stuff. Should be more the intellectual than the emotional type and not, under no circumstances, the motherly, cookie, plain Jane, family and socially oriented kind of woman. However, that's only my personal taste, other men hold different preferences.
Sleeping with a man without being considered a slut is not a question of time but you shouldn't come across as being too needy--greedy and/or trying to push things.
Same about the conversation, there are no rules, it depends on the circumstances and the response you receive. If he responds in an uninterested way, it's probably not an adequate moment for this topic. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9356
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:50 am Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| katwithhat wrote: | | What is it that you want in a woman? In a general sense. When is an acceptable time to hold off on sleeping with a man without being considered a slut? How long should you wait to have any conversations on how you may feel about each other? I'm about 1 more broken heart away from becoming a lesbian (not really, maybe). What do you want??? |
In cases where the woman got heart broken a LOT (same for men), the problem is usually in the type of men she goes after.
What is your type of men? |
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katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:36 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: |
In cases where the woman got heart broken a LOT (same for men), the problem is usually in the type of men she goes after.
What is your type of men? |
I like dorky, thick, bald men. No joke.
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2165
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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I look for:
Independent
Smart
Attractive
Compassionate
Adventurist
I feel like there is no set time for sex and I think it depends on what else you do. If I never kissed my gf for 6 months, I'd def think she wasn't that into me; but I wouldn't be turned off if she slept with me the first date.
Talking about feelings, that's tricky. Obviously if your discussing marriage on the 2nd date, that's not good. I would say start light. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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I seek someone that stimulates my body and my mind  by that I mean:
*A woman that is beautiful in her own way.
*One that doesn't necessarily have a lot of interests, but a willingness to try new things and is knowledgeable on what they actually are interested in.
*Open minded. Doesn't mean they have to be the American definition of "Liberal" but someone tolerant of others, other circumstances, and thinks before they speak.
*Hygienic 
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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TheDarkMage
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 21, 2012
Posts: 418
Location: united kingdom
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:42 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| katwithhat wrote: | | The_Face_of_Boo wrote: |
In cases where the woman got heart broken a LOT (same for men), the problem is usually in the type of men she goes after.
What is your type of men? |
I like dorky, thick, bald men. No joke. |
im dorky and bald
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follow me
https://twitter.com/mageoftakhisis |
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katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:03 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| TheDarkMage wrote: |
im dorky and bald |
Well, hi then. 
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minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:29 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| katwithhat wrote: | | What is it that you want in a woman? |
Me. (Haha just kidding)
| katwithhat wrote: | | In a general sense. When is an acceptable time to hold off on sleeping with a man without being considered a slut? How long should you wait to have any conversations on how you may feel about each other? I'm about 1 more broken heart away from becoming a lesbian (not really, maybe). What do you want??? |
Seriously though, a lot of people consider the 90-day rule effective. For some people it may take 6 months. I know a very happy couple who got married and conceived their first kid in 3 weeks. Also, you should wait as long as possible to express your feelings. Wait until you are sure the other person really likes you. Better "I've been waiting to hear those words." than "Way too early. I'm not sure how I feel yet. Now it's awkward and uncomfortable". Remember "i like you" and to a greater extent "i love you" are serious words and can't just be passed out like Halloween candy.
However, I really don't think it's effective to generalize all guys like you are doing. So if one more guy breaks your heart, you abandon all other guys. And in order to make sure what all guys want, or even what a specific guy wants, you ask on a forum of Aspies. Everyone is different. Don't take anything posted here as a golden rule. |
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katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:39 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| minervx wrote: |
However, I really don't think it's effective to generalize all guys like you are doing. So if one more guy breaks your heart, you abandon all other guys. And in order to make sure what all guys want, or even what a specific guy wants, you ask on a forum of Aspies. Everyone is different. Don't take anything posted here as a golden rule. |
I'm sorry, I thought this was a forum where I could ask whatever I wanted to. If you don't like what I've asked or don't agree with what I think, it's ok not to reply.
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:44 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| katwithhat wrote: | | minervx wrote: |
However, I really don't think it's effective to generalize all guys like you are doing. So if one more guy breaks your heart, you abandon all other guys. And in order to make sure what all guys want, or even what a specific guy wants, you ask on a forum of Aspies. Everyone is different. Don't take anything posted here as a golden rule. |
I'm sorry, I thought this was a forum where I could ask whatever I wanted to. If you don't like what I've asked or don't agree with what I think, it's ok not to reply. |
Hey, kat. miner is generally a friendly regular here. I don't think he meant that with offence. It translates to me as:
*Ask what you like, but every guy is different and every guy can't be blamed for the actions of one guy.
*The answers you get from us may not be representative of every guy here or that you meet.
Think of it as a disclaimer. lol
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:51 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: |
Hey, kat. miner is generally a friendly regular here. I don't think he meant that with offence. It translates to me as:
*Ask what you like, but every guy is different and every guy can't be blamed for the actions of one guy.
*The answers you get from us may not be representative of every guy here or that you meet.
Think of it as a disclaimer. lol |
I understand and I realize that no 2 men are the same. I was simply asking what men want 'in general'.
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:54 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| katwithhat wrote: | | JanuaryMan wrote: |
Hey, kat. miner is generally a friendly regular here. I don't think he meant that with offence. It translates to me as:
*Ask what you like, but every guy is different and every guy can't be blamed for the actions of one guy.
*The answers you get from us may not be representative of every guy here or that you meet.
Think of it as a disclaimer. lol |
I understand and I realize that no 2 men are the same. I was simply asking what men want 'in general'. |
Ohhhhhh. In that case, usually:
*Food
*Sex
*Someone to talk to
*Someone to cuddle at night
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katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:58 pm Post subject: Re: Men, please help me. |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | katwithhat wrote: | | JanuaryMan wrote: |
Hey, kat. miner is generally a friendly regular here. I don't think he meant that with offence. It translates to me as:
*Ask what you like, but every guy is different and every guy can't be blamed for the actions of one guy.
*The answers you get from us may not be representative of every guy here or that you meet.
Think of it as a disclaimer. lol |
I understand and I realize that no 2 men are the same. I was simply asking what men want 'in general'. |
Ohhhhhh. In that case, usually:
*Food
*Sex
*Someone to talk to
*Someone to cuddle at night |
Hmm. Then who knows what the heck I'm doing wrong.
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