Kaelynn
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 383
Location: My Own World
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 Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 11:36 pm Post subject: How should one control anger? |
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I got into a fight with my dad tonight. He lives in NY and I live in SC so when I say fight I mean an argument through text messages. I was telling my mom what was being said between my dad and I and she got mad. She was mad at my dad for being a jerk to me but I thought she was mad at me. I knew my dad was mad at me and also that my boyfriend was mad at me because I didnt text or call him all day today. My mom stormed off to bed and I started getting mad because I always get into fights with people and I always make someone mad at me for one reason or another. I felt all the anger build up inside of me. I looked down at my phone and I wanted to throw it. I knew that if I did throw it that I would get in troble. But I couldnt take the anger anymore so I picked it up and threw it at the wall. My mom came out from bed and said "Did you throw your phone?" I replyed "Yes I did." She picked up my phone, turned to me and said, "You wont have a phone for a while now." We ended up getting into another fight and she went back to bed. I know it was bad to throw my phone but when your that mad what are you supposted to do?!  |
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coolies
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 197
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:51 am Post subject: |
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| Is it possibly for you to get a punching bag? Pillows also work well for this, I have a lot of trouble controlling my anger sometimes and when I lose it I find this is a way to let my frustrations out |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13675
Location: My house
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:32 am Post subject: |
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Throw things that cannot break like clothes or earrings or pillows or blankets or DVD case, push over chairs or tables. Throw your dolls, pens and pencils. Anything unbreakable.
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Titanic is a good diaper movie, lots of flooding |
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Rascal77s
Picnic Basket Thief
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Posts: 2351
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:03 am Post subject: Re: How should one control anger? |
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| Kaelynn wrote: | | I got into a fight with my dad tonight. He lives in NY and I live in SC so when I say fight I mean an argument through text messages. I was telling my mom what was being said between my dad and I and she got mad. She was mad at my dad for being a jerk to me but I thought she was mad at me. I knew my dad was mad at me and also that my boyfriend was mad at me because I didnt text or call him all day today. My mom stormed off to bed and I started getting mad because I always get into fights with people and I always make someone mad at me for one reason or another. I felt all the anger build up inside of me. I looked down at my phone and I wanted to throw it. I knew that if I did throw it that I would get in troble. But I couldnt take the anger anymore so I picked it up and threw it at the wall. My mom came out from bed and said "Did you throw your phone?" I replyed "Yes I did." She picked up my phone, turned to me and said, "You wont have a phone for a while now." We ended up getting into another fight and she went back to bed. I know it was bad to throw my phone but when your that mad what are you supposted to do?! |
Get a punching bag. Not a speed bag. A heavy bag. I realize you're 15 so if you can't buy a punching bag get 5 or 6 old pillows and a sheet. Wrap the pillows real tight in the sheet like a burrito and wrap duct tape tight around the whole thing. When I was your age I did the same thing as you as you but I was much more destructive. I can totally relate to what you're saying. For me it was mostly frustration over the inability to communicate what I was feeling, but didn't realize it yet. A punching bag helped me a lot and so did reminding myself of the people I hit when they touched me unexpectedly. You just have to realize that if you don't get it under control you're going to hurt someone eventually. Now when I start getting frustrated I just take a step back and collect my thoughts before I continue whatever I'm doing. You have to force yourself to think logically because emotions will get you in trouble. I still have an occasional trigger that sets me off to the point of no return but I can still control it enough to hit an object instead of a person. |
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outofplace
Geometrophile
Joined: Jun 11, 2012
Age: 39
Posts: 1771
Location: In A State of Quantum Flux
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:54 am Post subject: |
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I agree with having something to beat the snot out of that has no value or can't do any real damage. When I used to manage a pizza restaurant (talk about a bad choice of a job!), I would keep extra empty boxes in the back to kick the crap out of after dealing with a stressful situation. Believe me, it helped!
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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic
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Rascal77s
Picnic Basket Thief
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Posts: 2351
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:10 am Post subject: |
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| outofplace wrote: | | I agree with having something to beat the snot out of that has no value or can't do any real damage. When I used to manage a pizza restaurant (talk about a bad choice of a job!), I would keep extra empty boxes in the back to kick the crap out of after dealing with a stressful situation. Believe me, it helped! |
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ogional
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 05, 2012
Posts: 25
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:06 am Post subject: |
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| When I get angry things get bad. I kind of black out but not really I just don't remember what I said so it is hard to explain my self when I get in trouble when I get angry. I know that when I get angry even adults "are scared of me" because they know they can't hold me off the other person and there twice my size. I just go at it and continue to insult the other person even though I'm in the right I can't always explain what happen and the other group always fabricate what happened so I always seem like I'm in the wrong even though the other group was at fault every body never takes my side. I don't know why. It takes a lot to make me angry and I don't get angry a whole lot so I never really thought about trying to control my anger. I know diapers make me comfortable so I just put on a diaper and it releases my stress and makes me comfy. I find that helps my anger issues sometimes especially when I go to sleep while wearing one it gives me sweet dreams so I guess its sweet dreams that help control the anger... I don't really know though. |
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8425
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 10:58 am Post subject: |
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Punching bags don't help with my anger. When I'm angry, I'm more verbal, so I need an invention like a special robot that's designed to argue back at you when you argue at it, and you can scream and yell abuse at it and it would not get upset. Screaming and yelling actually gets my anger out of me.
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Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
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Misslizard
Wayfaring Stranger
Joined: Jun 19, 2012
Age: 48
Posts: 3346
Location: Aux Arcs
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:28 am Post subject: How should one control anger? |
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| I try to avoid (if possible) the people or situations that set me off.It's like I'm winding up to tight and I know I'm gonna blow.I try to physically leave the area because I embarrassed to admit I do have real anger issues.Bad ways of coping for are head banging,throwing things (sometimes at people,I'm so sorry),tearing stuff to shreds,and once I even hit myself in the head with a peace of firewood.I am working with a therapist to help me learn better coping skills.If you really want to know how deep my anger is my therapist tells me that I have a lot in common with Anakin Skywalker.I don't really want to end up like him so I'm trying hard to learn to deal in better ways.When I played D&D I was a chaotic evil anti-paladin.I guess I could release some of my anger that way ,but I don't know anyone who plays now. |
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VIDEODROME
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 21, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 1737
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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It seems like that kind of anger is almost it's own entity pushing you to act in a crazy way. I think following an episode like that maybe a calmer mind reflecting on what happened can sort of help. Such as really asking yourself why you threw your phone at the wall. Why feel the need to break your own things? Ask if damaging your own property is productive in anyway? Kind of have an inner conversation with your angry self.
It could also be worth trying some kind of meditation. In my experience I think that can help deal with emotional swings. I think it helps me to realize something is starting to get to me and assess it. Contemplate whether exploding in anger is helpful to me and of course it isn't. I'll try to steer my thoughts in a more productive problem solving way. Realize reason and thoughtful conversation can achieve so much more then going around smashing and breaking things.
No I don't claim this is easy and I don't think this struggle with anger is uncommon with people. My last thought is that I do think it's a mistake to bottle up anger or cage it and suppress it inside. I think some people who do that can randomly snap. I prefer to look at it as taming one's emotions or better equipping yourself to handle them. |
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Bunnynose
Sea Gull
Joined: May 18, 2012
Posts: 200
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:01 pm Post subject: Re: How should one control anger? |
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| Kaelynn wrote: | | ... I always get into fights with people and I always make someone mad at me for one reason or another. I felt all the anger build up inside of me .... |
Why do you think you're always making people mad at you? Is it what you say? Or what you think you heard? And then maybe misunderstood?
Instead of getting angry, could you learn to ask, "What do you mean by this?" Or repeat their angry words, like, "You said I do this and that, is that right? And that makes you angry, right? How can I do this and that so it doesn't make you made?"
Could you also learn not to react so quickly with anger, meet anger with anger? And could you once in a while also admit to making a mistake and saying, "I'm sorry. I screwed up"? And then not taking your anger on things by destroying them?
Patterns. If you want to live a more harmonious life, you need to figure out what triggers your "people are always mad at me" pattern and stop doing it. |
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