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| Are parents too hard on there children?? |
| yes |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
| no |
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40% |
[ 2 ] |
| other |
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40% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 5 |
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nelly118118
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 29, 2012
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:20 pm Post subject: HELP.. What can i do my dad/Boss is the b***h of my life |
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My lifes spinning downhill with a poor lack of routine life
Names Ben im 20 years old and i currently live with my mum and dad and girlfriend
I need help or understand..
My dad runs his own buisness and he is very proud of his achievment (the buisness he created), his buisness is to be passed on to me and i have been working for him more increasingly over the past 4 years (im a useful memeber now with all my experience) and every day we can be a second away from outbursts and fighting from either of us from not being able to have a single conversation (any talk that evolves to discussion even the smallest of things). Now i should tell you why i need help. (why im in this situation that troubles me) I have one real passion in life which gives me joy and fulfillment like nothing else and thats drumming. I have now got two strong bands on the go with great friends in both. I would love to dedicate every second of my spare time to drumming to be the best drummer for the bands.and my self i would love to be a great session drummer.. someone of creativity and natural talent to represent people in artistic ways (or represent autisic people cause representing your people is real pride)
Now this is where my autistic self becomes the problem...
My drumming is an art and i get OCD about art it takes clear thoughts to get perfect performance, Time and lots of it and true dedication.. so i like to have a set time to practice and a set amount of hours a week its great for production and helps me organise my lessons with my drum teachers and i enjoy it more because i feel less stressed while playing. But When my life is so busy because of my dads buisness wieghing down on him and me the days get longer and the problems get bigger between us becuase of inability to communicate very well . Its very hard and he says he doesnt mind me moving on and not taking over the buisness.. so ill consider that
Now.. even if i leave the my farther who acts aggressive, + abusive, when someone disagrees with his principles (psychologically not physically but i cant stand it) my farther is probably guna treat me like a moraless coward and i dont want that to happen.
is this hypocritical if he acts and says he can run the business on his own and without me
I think if i took another job HGV driving or college i could then get a normal 9-5 routine again.... which would make being able to practice a reality again even if i have to move out i will get a job hgv driving to pay for my house and drum in spare time ...
i think i could do better without this. he is not going to like this but i would like a life with fulfillment over a life of stress and quables (disagreement).
But i still want to keep my dad close enough to be his friend
Or am i blinded by society thinking i could ever be a good drummer, maybe my dad knows this and is trying to protect me from trying when it might not really work out.. sometimes he belivse in me doing well at drumming but he never see's progress i would love to give that too him, to be proud of me instead of his ego boosting money churning buisness...
Ive gone over this in my head to help my own future over and over and i just need some outside views... how was you with your farther...? would it be best i just head back to college, my mum will always support me but my mum n dad i want to please them both theyve done alot for me..... do you have any situation which is like this or any friends with this sort of problem...?
I hate asking for help  |
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OddFiction
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 10, 2010
Posts: 944
Location: In my favourite chair, in front of my laptop, and watching a movie I've seen 1000 times, Canada.
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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no idea what the fathers' business is, but a few things it seems you are at the point you can start considering:
1. Will you actually be able to take over the business on your own once your father retires or gets too old? Do you have all the skills, talents, and same natural abilities as your father? For example, does the business rely on 'schmoozing' customers... are you good at that? Is his plan for you to take over one day viable?
* could it be viable if someone else was trained to take over those aspects you aren't good at? (like your girlfriend)?
* could her help make the stress of the business / the extra hours and stresses / reduced?
2. Will you actually be able to make ends meet if you become a professional drummer? You might be that good. Ever take a professional lesson? What was the teacher's opinion? Ever try out for a competition? Play a club? etc etc. It might work. If you can show your dad that you're serious about drumming / making profit from it / it might be easier to get yourself soem practice time without all the bitching
3. Compromise. People like your dad (from what little I have to work with here) like a person who comes up with a concrete proposal. Propose to your dad that you will help him overtime and beyond with the business, but that you need THURSDAYS from 4pm on, for your practice sessions (or whatever). Plus if you ever get a booking, you will tell dad a two week advance notice and will need that day for band stuff.
jsut a few thoughts. |
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cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2007
Location: northeastern US
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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your situation is complicated.
one additional thing to consider is that aspies may have an easier time of working for themselves than working for someone else. |
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Chronos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:52 am Post subject: Re: HELP.. What can i do my dad/Boss is the b***h of my life |
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It doesn't sound to me like you father is being hard on you as he did tell you you can pursue what you want. However perhaps you are not conveying the situation very well.
No path in life is without risk. Some bands become famous. Most bands don't. Some businesses become successful, most businesses don't.
A band is a business. Or a successful one is anyway. Gene Simmons realized this, as did the members of Queen. A band without a solid business model and strong work ethic is nothing but a bunch of individuals who argue with each other as if they are married.
Good luck with your band. Maybe your father can help you with the business end of it. If it doesn't work out, you can always go back to taking over your father's business. |
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nelly118118
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 29, 2012
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:09 pm Post subject: Thanks For your thoughts |
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Thanks for the Replys everyone
I have been quiet dramatic when i wrote this and started by quiet insensitively calling my dad a b***h.... Not how i wanna begin a messeage, a bad touch most indeed.
My dads buisness is small, a one man buisness and the customers are usally self employed men like himself/my self who have autistic trades so they made a buisness to help them live there life, ironic really cause they are great people. I believe my communication skills are good, and my skills are good, over years experience though will teach me better i understand.communication in buisness is easier then normal communication as it flows from topic to topic quicker and easier like my mind does well. But Drumming Feels more of a mans game orginazisation of all my bands songs and and all the ideas i make have to come together to create a single piece of music at a good level.
I have had lessons drumming when i could afford them i really appreaciate being tought by such amazing drummers but communication can be a key point here.. my local teachers great but hes so expensive and my lifestyle of not orginasing my life is letting me down being able to go back to him and get better in other ways then just being a band drummer...
Thanks for the help and advice Ive made a quick weekly by weekly routine plan for at the moment if my dad has no work on il start my own job soon and drive hgvs more routinely.... wish me luck initz x
Peace! Always listen to Korn! |
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