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lightening020
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 657
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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:07 pm Post subject: Cashier at the supermarket.... |
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...started smiling at me.....I tried to smile back and say hows it going. She was cute, but lets just say she was of a different ethnicity that I am not particularly attracted to (thats really irrelevant though in this case). I generally get really nervous and feel out of it in public, and its not everyday a girl talks to me.
She said its late, and I asked what time they close at thinking Im making conversation. Then it gets a big muddy in my mind, and she says she "gets off in half an hour". I'm not sure whats going on really, its just so sly all of the sudden. I didn't really say anything I didn't know what to say. I could tell she liked what she saw in me, but it just didn't hit me. It felt awkward I didn't know what to say or do, and I probably looked like a wimp. I really don't know, it just felt like another failed interaction of mine, one of the many thousands, even worse because it was with the opposite sex. I just freeze up when there are people around. I didn't say anything else, and she didn't look at me when she gave me the receipt. I walked out feeling really shitty.
When I left the store I realized she was doing alot more than flirting, she was looking for action. She couldn't have been any more obvious about it.
I can't really imagine myself just randomly hooking up with a girl in that way though, because I've never had a gf before. I just haven't gotten past that barrier. There is something scary about a situation like that. It feels like that kind of situation if I get into, can just ruin myself if something goes wrong. If i had the necessary experience, then it probably wouldnt be a big deal, but where I am now, if I got into that situation and then screwed up, I would feel even more scarred. Can anybody relate?
Don't get me wrong being alone is a terrible nightmare, but if I opened myself up and then I get stabbed, thats a thousand times worse, and may cause me to retreat even more. It would have been alot more for me than for her. I know Im thinking too much about this, but I cant help it.
She was just trying to get laid I guess. It was almost 10 on a Friday night. But me not having any experience......I just can't imagine myself just doing that.
If any one of my "friends" could see that, they would be thinking "what are you f***ing gay?" But f**k them they are not me.
I don't know what I am trying to say with this post, just that I need a gf. Really badly. But potentially being used by some girl I don't know just seems scary. Again if I was at a different stage in life it wouldn't be a big deal, but since I haven't gotten there yet...
Should I have just gone with it and hooked up with her? Is that what it takes to get over your nerves? Situations like that come up very very very very very very very rarely. I just hate having to force myself to do something when Im not comfortable...you know? what the f**k do you get past that? |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2165
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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I think you are over thinking it a bit.
If she was just looking for fun, why not have the fun? You barley know her, if you blow her mind, maybe she'll come back for more. Maybe a relationship will form. Sometimes "just having sex" can lead to boyfriend/girlfriend. You do get to know someone pretty quickly and pretty deeply. There is no sexual tension or anything like that.
I don't think your really being used or hurt. If it's agreed that your just having sex, you know what your getting going in.
If it doesn't go so well, it's not that hard to not see her anymore.
Carpe Deim. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:24 pm Post subject: |
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I can't blame you for feeling weird because I would feel mad creeped if a male cashier did the same to me.
So I don't have advice but I feel you on this one.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about missing the opportunity to have sex with a stranger you aren't attracted to.
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12494
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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| the being quiet thing has 2 likelyhoods. 1 that youre too shy to respond or have nothing worthwile to say, 2- that youre such a badass that you dont need words, silence also adds some sexual tension if done right. You may have accidentally done it right at the wrong moment. murphy's law |
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lightening020
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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| thewhitrbbit wrote: | I think you are over thinking it a bit.
If she was just looking for fun, why not have the fun? You barley know her, if you blow her mind, maybe she'll come back for more. Maybe a relationship will form. Sometimes "just having sex" can lead to boyfriend/girlfriend. You do get to know someone pretty quickly and pretty deeply. There is no sexual tension or anything like that.
I don't think your really being used or hurt. If it's agreed that your just having sex, you know what your getting going in.
If it doesn't go so well, it's not that hard to not see her anymore.
Carpe Deim. |
easy to say really. What I was saying was I didnt quite catch on until after I was outside of the store. I didnt make the connection when I was talking to her, I just felt awkward and wimpy. She could have been more than a few years younger than me.
I don't have any experience. You can't just go from 0 to everything all at once. The whole point is that to her it would have been fun, but for me it would have been something completely different.....something so much more that I am not comfortable with a random stranger.
I was so annoyed at myself for botching up the interaction when it was clear she was flirting with me, but I didnt realize until I was outside what she said was implying that she was dtf. |
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lightening020
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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| MXH wrote: | | the being quiet thing has 2 likelyhoods. 1 that youre too shy to respond or have nothing worthwile to say, 2- that youre such a badass that you dont need words, silence also adds some sexual tension if done right. You may have accidentally done it right at the wrong moment. murphy's law |
Im pretty sure that wasnt the case. She didnt look at me after I didnt respond when she gave me the receipt. She might have felt rejected. Maybe she is used to guys responding to her the way she wants or at least differently than I did. |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12494
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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| lightening020 wrote: | | MXH wrote: | | the being quiet thing has 2 likelyhoods. 1 that youre too shy to respond or have nothing worthwile to say, 2- that youre such a badass that you dont need words, silence also adds some sexual tension if done right. You may have accidentally done it right at the wrong moment. murphy's law |
Im pretty sure that wasnt the case. She didnt look at me after I didnt respond when she gave me the receipt. She might have felt rejected. Maybe she is used to guys responding to her the way she wants or at least differently than I did. |
the 2 things you said were very suggestive in nature. Who knows what she perceived. just dont overthink it to more than "atleast 1 person has shown interest in me". cause to be honest thats more than a lot around here get |
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lightening020
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | I can't blame you for feeling weird because I would feel mad creeped if a male cashier did the same to me.
So I don't have advice but I feel you on this one.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about missing the opportunity to have sex with a stranger you aren't attracted to. |
Im just annoyed at myself for looking like a dork and botching the conversation. I didn't feel creeped out by her. I didnt realize her pickup line until I left the store, and then I realized why those situations are uncharacteristically scary for me as a guy.
There is something really scary for me about that, but I realize that its mostly me and most guys wouldn't feel that way. Most guys wouldn't be scared of girls |
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lightening020
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:45 pm Post subject: |
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| MXH wrote: | | lightening020 wrote: | | MXH wrote: | | the being quiet thing has 2 likelyhoods. 1 that youre too shy to respond or have nothing worthwile to say, 2- that youre such a badass that you dont need words, silence also adds some sexual tension if done right. You may have accidentally done it right at the wrong moment. murphy's law |
Im pretty sure that wasnt the case. She didnt look at me after I didnt respond when she gave me the receipt. She might have felt rejected. Maybe she is used to guys responding to her the way she wants or at least differently than I did. |
the 2 things you said were very suggestive in nature. Who knows what she perceived. just dont overthink it to more than "atleast 1 person has shown interest in me". cause to be honest thats more than a lot around here get |
Doesn't matter how many girls are initially attracted to me, if I never get anywhere then its pointless. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:00 am Post subject: |
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| lightening020 wrote: | | DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | I can't blame you for feeling weird because I would feel mad creeped if a male cashier did the same to me.
So I don't have advice but I feel you on this one.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about missing the opportunity to have sex with a stranger you aren't attracted to. |
Im just annoyed at myself for looking like a dork and botching the conversation. I didn't feel creeped out by her. I didnt realize her pickup line until I left the store, and then I realized why those situations are uncharacteristically scary for me as a guy.
There is something really scary for me about that, but I realize that its mostly me and most guys wouldn't feel that way. Most guys wouldn't be scared of girls |
So you're more bummed about messing up the social thing? I hate when I miss something that would be obvious to an allistic person.
Lots of guys (mostly on the younger/less experienced side) are terrified of girls. Sex/dating can be really intimidating and there is a false cultural idea that men are all up for sex all the time and that women aren't as into sex and a whole bunch of nonsense that obscures the fact that sex/dating can be scary for everybody at one time or another.
You just be you,don't worry too much about being a dudely dude.
Do you have specific anxieties around intimacy? Or is it generalized "relationship/sex stuff is unfamiliar and uncomfortable" anxiety?
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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lightening020
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 657
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:23 am Post subject: |
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| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | | lightening020 wrote: | | DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | I can't blame you for feeling weird because I would feel mad creeped if a male cashier did the same to me.
So I don't have advice but I feel you on this one.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about missing the opportunity to have sex with a stranger you aren't attracted to. |
Im just annoyed at myself for looking like a dork and botching the conversation. I didn't feel creeped out by her. I didnt realize her pickup line until I left the store, and then I realized why those situations are uncharacteristically scary for me as a guy.
There is something really scary for me about that, but I realize that its mostly me and most guys wouldn't feel that way. Most guys wouldn't be scared of girls |
So you're more bummed about messing up the social thing? I hate when I miss something that would be obvious to an allistic person.
Lots of guys (mostly on the younger/less experienced side) are terrified of girls. Sex/dating can be really intimidating and there is a false cultural idea that men are all up for sex all the time and that women aren't as into sex and a whole bunch of nonsense that obscures the fact that sex/dating can be scary for everybody at one time or another.
You just be you,don't worry too much about being a dudely dude.
Do you have specific anxieties around intimacy? Or is it generalized "relationship/sex stuff is unfamiliar and uncomfortable" anxiety? |
Oh boy where do begin.....Iv only made out with two girls in my life, other than that zero experience. I have had alot of opportunities though, alot of girls who were there off in the distance that all I had to do was reel them in, but I was just too scared. So yeah my anxiety is with everything. Iv never really been with a girl before, so its hard to imagine myself with one. Its hard to imagine that a girl would actually like me. |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2165
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:27 am Post subject: |
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| Lightening020, my apologies. I misread your story. |
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bruinsy33
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 01, 2011
Posts: 443
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 1:04 am Post subject: Re: Cashier at the supermarket.... |
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| lightening020 wrote: | ...started smiling at me.....I tried to smile back and say hows it going. She was cute, but lets just say she was of a different ethnicity that I am not particularly attracted to (thats really irrelevant though in this case). I generally get really nervous and feel out of it in public, and its not everyday a girl talks to me.
She said its late, and I asked what time they close at thinking Im making conversation. Then it gets a big muddy in my mind, and she says she "gets off in half an hour". I'm not sure whats going on really, its just so sly all of the sudden. I didn't really say anything I didn't know what to say. I could tell she liked what she saw in me, but it just didn't hit me. It felt awkward I didn't know what to say or do, and I probably looked like a wimp. I really don't know, it just felt like another failed interaction of mine, one of the many thousands, even worse because it was with the opposite sex. I just freeze up when there are people around. I didn't say anything else, and she didn't look at me when she gave me the receipt. I walked out feeling really shitty.
When I left the store I realized she was doing alot more than flirting, she was looking for action. She couldn't have been any more obvious about it.
I can't really imagine myself just randomly hooking up with a girl in that way though, because I've never had a gf before. I just haven't gotten past that barrier. There is something scary about a situation like that. It feels like that kind of situation if I get into, can just ruin myself if something goes wrong. If i had the necessary experience, then it probably wouldnt be a big deal, but where I am now, if I got into that situation and then screwed up, I would feel even more scarred. Can anybody relate?
Don't get me wrong being alone is a terrible nightmare, but if I opened myself up and then I get stabbed, thats a thousand times worse, and may cause me to retreat even more. It would have been alot more for me than for her. I know Im thinking too much about this, but I cant help it.
She was just trying to get laid I guess. It was almost 10 on a Friday night. But me not having any experience......I just can't imagine myself just doing that.
If any one of my "friends" could see that, they would be thinking "what are you f***ing gay?" But f**k them they are not me.
I don't know what I am trying to say with this post, just that I need a gf. Really badly. But potentially being used by some girl I don't know just seems scary. Again if I was at a different stage in life it wouldn't be a big deal, but since I haven't gotten there yet...
Should I have just gone with it and hooked up with her? Is that what it takes to get over your nerves? Situations like that come up very very very very very very very rarely. I just hate having to force myself to do something when Im not comfortable...you know? what the f**k do you get past that? |
Trying to score with a cashier in a store is no easy task even if you knew that the encounter was coming.Who says that it is done with that particular girl?.If you are interested just go back and try again. |
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spongy
...
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7411
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 4:19 am Post subject: Re: Cashier at the supermarket.... |
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| lightening020 wrote: | ...started smiling at me.....I tried to smile back and say hows it going. She was cute, but lets just say she was of a different ethnicity that I am not particularly attracted to (thats really irrelevant though in this case). I generally get really nervous and feel out of it in public, and its not everyday a girl talks to me.
She said its late, and I asked what time they close at thinking Im making conversation. Then it gets a big muddy in my mind, and she says she "gets off in half an hour". I'm not sure whats going on really, its just so sly all of the sudden. I didn't really say anything I didn't know what to say. I could tell she liked what she saw in me, but it just didn't hit me. It felt awkward I didn't know what to say or do, and I probably looked like a wimp. I really don't know, it just felt like another failed interaction of mine, one of the many thousands, even worse because it was with the opposite sex. I just freeze up when there are people around. I didn't say anything else, and she didn't look at me when she gave me the receipt. I walked out feeling really shitty.
When I left the store I realized she was doing alot more than flirting, she was looking for action. She couldn't have been any more obvious about it.
I can't really imagine myself just randomly hooking up with a girl in that way though, because I've never had a gf before. I just haven't gotten past that barrier. There is something scary about a situation like that. It feels like that kind of situation if I get into, can just ruin myself if something goes wrong. If i had the necessary experience, then it probably wouldnt be a big deal, but where I am now, if I got into that situation and then screwed up, I would feel even more scarred. Can anybody relate?
Don't get me wrong being alone is a terrible nightmare, but if I opened myself up and then I get stabbed, thats a thousand times worse, and may cause me to retreat even more. It would have been alot more for me than for her. I know Im thinking too much about this, but I cant help it.
She was just trying to get laid I guess. It was almost 10 on a Friday night. But me not having any experience......I just can't imagine myself just doing that.
If any one of my "friends" could see that, they would be thinking "what are you f***ing gay?" But f**k them they are not me.
I don't know what I am trying to say with this post, just that I need a gf. Really badly. But potentially being used by some girl I don't know just seems scary. Again if I was at a different stage in life it wouldn't be a big deal, but since I haven't gotten there yet...
Should I have just gone with it and hooked up with her? Is that what it takes to get over your nerves? Situations like that come up very very very very very very very rarely. I just hate having to force myself to do something when Im not comfortable...you know? what the f**k do you get past that? |
Imo you started pretty well but it went downhill fast.
You noticed she was interested and kept the conversation going, thats great.
You asked her when was she leaving which is standard procedure when trying to get to know a cashier better.
After she replied that she was leaving in a short time you should have asked her if she wanted to go to x coffee shop/ whatever place near by to hang out.
I understand that you werent attracted to her so Im just trying to give some guidelines if it happens again with someone you are atracted to. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 5:12 am Post subject: Re: Cashier at the supermarket.... |
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| spongy wrote: | | Imo you started pretty well but it went downhill fast ... I understand that you werent attracted to her so Im just trying to give some guidelines if it happens again with someone you are atracted to. |
I had a bit of a laugh over this one, because although it was totally accidental, he sort of ended up doing the ideal thing, in my opinion (for what's that worth!). Not if he had been interested, obviously. But since he wasn't ... he didn't say some lame phony thing, he didn't say something rude, he didn't try to let her down easy in the middle of a crowded supermarket. He just reverted to a customer, as soon as she went there. I'm pretty sure I would've done something stupid and messy.
Was it rude to say nothing? I thought about this one for a bit. She was going to feel rejected if he meant to say no, no way around it. Could he have let her down easy, in that place? Can't see how, although maybe that's just lack of social grace on my part, but I think he'd have to acknowledge she was hitting on him in front of all the other customers and cashiers, and geez, wouldn't that be embarrassing for her!
I guess he might've made some lame excuse or pretended he didn't know what she was on about ("That's too bad you have to work so late, well, see you around!" ... lame!) but that's pretty much the same impact as saying nothing, except that he would look like a fool, or phony. So I think he did alright, really. |
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