Shau
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 25, 2009
Posts: 717
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 Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 4:27 am Post subject: Perfecting Eye Contact |
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Ok, I learned to do eye contact with people in general by following certain patterns (First number is amount of time for eye contact, second number for time looking away:
3/2, 5/3, 2/1
...and I'll switch it to a different set after each up to vary it so that it doesn't seem like I'm being a robot, not sure how readily they'd notice anyway....BUT, people keep telling me that if you wanna be attractive to the ghurlies, you gotta have "strong eye contact".
.....well how much is that? Apparently it's a damn-fine line between "strong eye contact" and "creepy staring". Anyone got any advice on this? I'm starting to get quite good at figuring out when girls might be interested, so I gotta start working on that "sexy strong eye contact". |
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Stargazer43
Scruffy-looking Nerf Herder
Joined: Nov 07, 2011
Posts: 1421
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| Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 9:27 am Post subject: |
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| What I've been trying to do is "copy" eye contact. In other words, when I am with someone, I will try to hold eye contact for as long as they do, then if they look away I will also look away and look back when they do. Easier said than done but I think it's helped me out a lot, especially considering I used to make absolutely no eye contact lol. |
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Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:00 am Post subject: |
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| Stargazer43 wrote: | | What I've been trying to do is "copy" eye contact. In other words, when I am with someone, I will try to hold eye contact for as long as they do, then if they look away I will also look away and look back when they do. Easier said than done but I think it's helped me out a lot, especially considering I used to make absolutely no eye contact lol. |
When you do this, could it be that perhaps instead of breaking eyecontact a fraction of a second later than them, you are suppose to break contact in turns. They break first, then the next time you obtain eye contact, you break first? It's just an idea that suddenly came to me, I have done no research on the subject.
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Senath
Deinonychus
Joined: May 17, 2012
Posts: 357
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| Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:25 am Post subject: |
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| Blownmind wrote: | | Stargazer43 wrote: | | What I've been trying to do is "copy" eye contact. In other words, when I am with someone, I will try to hold eye contact for as long as they do, then if they look away I will also look away and look back when they do. Easier said than done but I think it's helped me out a lot, especially considering I used to make absolutely no eye contact lol. |
When you do this, could it be that perhaps instead of breaking eyecontact a fraction of a second later than them, you are suppose to break contact in turns. They break first, then the next time you obtain eye contact, you break first? It's just an idea that suddenly came to me, I have done no research on the subject. |
That sounds like a good method. I think I've been trying to do something like this in the past without putting a name to it. I actually think I'll try this on someone in my Chem 1A class that I've been having trouble using eye-contact with. The method Stargazer43 mentioned might be good for starting out, but from the other person's point of view if you're constantly being stared at until you look away it might feel pretty awkward. |
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Zinia
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 344
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 3:21 am Post subject: |
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Shau's idea makes sense. Except I would get distracted counting the seconds when I was supposed to be listening to someone.
And I agree that the copying eye contact could be uncomfortable. It's common for people to mirror each other--especially when flirting. It might seem contrived. But it might seem or flirtatious, or seductive if done in moderation. But it seems like a good way to practice how others use eye contact.
It seems like people often look in certain directions when they are remembering something, or trying to visualize something. I read an article about what looking in certain directions (with just the eyes) indicates about a person's thinking. So, maybe comfortable-seeming eye contact would look like breaking eye contact to remember something (when talking) or to visualize something (when listening), periodically. Maybe it's supposed to indicate you're thinking about something.
Also, as for the "sexy" eye contact, I read recently that people often do an eye "pop" when they are attracted to someone. They very quickly (fraction of a second) raise their eyelids, exposing more of the eye, just slightly--showing excitement, after catching a glance (actually, I'm not sure when people do this eye pop).
Also, the pupils naturally dilate when you are thinking loving thoughts, and contract when you're afraid or angry--so another part of sexy eye contact is to somehow get your pupils to dilate when you're looking in someone's eyes. I think. |
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Senath
Deinonychus
Joined: May 17, 2012
Posts: 357
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 3:26 am Post subject: |
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| Zinia wrote: |
Also, as for the "sexy" eye contact, I read recently that people often do an eye "pop" when they are attracted to someone. They very quickly (fraction of a second) raise their eyelids, exposing more of the eye, just slightly--showing excitement, after catching a glance (actually, I'm not sure when people do this eye pop).
Also, the pupils naturally dilate when you are thinking loving thoughts, and contract when you're afraid or angry--so another part of sexy eye contact is to somehow get your pupils to dilate when you're looking in someone's eyes. I think. |
SO THAT'S WHAT THAT IS!!! 
I had no idea but it's made me uncomfortable because I didn't understand it. It's happened several times before and it completely makes sense now. Thanks so much for sharing. |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 3:30 am Post subject: |
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Another method for eye contact when talking to people you only know briefly is to look at the eyes for a few seconds before switching to a different part of their face for a few seconds before returning to meet their eyes.
Looking away or looking around all the time may give the impression you can't be trusted or that you are disinterested and want to leave the conversation. |
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Zinia
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 344
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 3:34 am Post subject: |
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| Senath wrote: | | Zinia wrote: |
Also, as for the "sexy" eye contact, I read recently that people often do an eye "pop" when they are attracted to someone. They very quickly (fraction of a second) raise their eyelids, exposing more of the eye, just slightly--showing excitement, after catching a glance (actually, I'm not sure when people do this eye pop).
Also, the pupils naturally dilate when you are thinking loving thoughts, and contract when you're afraid or angry--so another part of sexy eye contact is to somehow get your pupils to dilate when you're looking in someone's eyes. I think. |
SO THAT'S WHAT THAT IS!!!
I had no idea but it's made me uncomfortable because I didn't understand it. It's happened several times before and it completely makes sense now. Thanks so much for sharing. |
You know--I tried to look up the eye pop again and I couldn't find where I got that info--which makes me very leery of it, knowing myself. I usually like to read from the Center for Nonverbal Studies website ( http://center-for-nonverbal-studies.org/6101.html )--but it wasn't on there. But--it still makes sense because people often open their eyes more when interested in something--and I think that's what it's supposed to show. The other stuff I wrote is pretty solid though. |
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