Aspertastic424
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 04, 2012
Posts: 87
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 Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 5:57 pm Post subject: What age should AS be disclosed |
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I am a 22 year old aspie, and was diagonsed when I was about 4 or 5. They say early diagnosis is the best. But thing is my parents didnt break the news to me that I was an aspie until I was 12 ( summer between 6th and 7th grade.) Coincidentally, that was the start of when my life kinda went downhill, until mid high school.
What age do you guys think a parent should tell a kid he/ she has ASD? |
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redrobin62
Doppelgänger
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 4073
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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Some people don't find out till they're 40 or 50. Depends how severe it is. Some people just can't function on their own and are dependent on others for continual assistance. In that case, they find out at a young age especially when social service programs come into play. A lot of people are walking around as spectrumites now but simply think they're just shy or weird, and a lot of these people are married, have good paying careers, etc.
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6339
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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| I think parents should be straight forward with their child from as soon as they know the diagnosis. They can try and explain to the child that there's nothing wrong with them, it's just a different way of thinking. I don't see any pros of with holding information like that from anybody at any age. |
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Aspertastic424
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 04, 2012
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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My parents ( my mother at least) regret not telling me sooner, and regret not telling the parents of my grade school friends I had it.Its wierdest thing. My mom helped organize play dates for me at school and I made great friends then/ had plenty to do. Then when mid 6th to 7th grade hit all of that kind collapsed 
I always had one or two and was inclued in like band or cross country parties, but I never had a group of people who "loved" me the way most NTS do ( including my older and younger brother.)
The whole thing of accepting ASD was hard as a middle schooler. I hated having aids help me ( even though I needed them) and hated having what I thought at the time was " some wierd disorder"
The reason my parents witheld was to to preserve "innocence of childhood." Like not having me worry myself over it, and they also thought kids might not want to be friends with me if they knew I had something.. whatever though, that hard f***ing period called adolescence is pretty much done for me. |
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 9931
Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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Tell the kid as soon as they're able to understand the simplest possible version of the facts. For most Aspies, that would be around age 3-4. Maybe a little later for those who have problems with receptive language.
It's a lot like telling a child they're adopted--the earlier you do it, the less it troubles them, and the easier they can integrate it into their self-concept.
My mom didn't tell me until a doctor diagnosed me when I'd already left home. As a result, I struggle with huge amounts of self-doubt, poor adaptive skills, and recurrent depression.
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CyclopsSummers
tunnel visionary
Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 1903
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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I was about 7 years old when I was first diagnosed by the school therapist, and my mother was open to me about it from the beginning. I consider myself to have benfited from the knowledge that I was autistic.
I can imagine that I, too, would have trouble if it had been kept from me for 5 years until my mother would tell me at age 12. It would probably have thrown me for a loop.
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CockneyRebel
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Age: 38
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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You should tell the child as soon as they get a diagnosis. I was diagnosed at the age of 5 and my parents didn't tell me until I was 15. I've spent many years thinking that there was something terribly wrong with me and that my parents hated me, when all that it was autism.
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JeremyNJ1984
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 10, 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 496
Location: Central New Jersey
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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| My Parents didn't tell me until I was 23 or so...a little after college. I wish I knew earlier so I could have received the social assistance while in college. But I can't change the past, so I gotta do what I gotta do now as an adult of the age of 28. |
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Marcia
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 1483
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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| My son was 7 when he was diagnosed and I told him a few weeks later when the opportunity came up naturally. He said it was "a relief" to know. |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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I distinctly remember that when I was sent to nursery school at 4 years of age, that my elders hoped it would help me be more social and less shy. I felt completely out of my depth there, and even then I felt out of step with those around me. I'm sure my folks never imagined that I heard and understood what they were saying over my head.
If I were to find myself responsible for a young person on the spectrum, I'd communicate the information in an age-appropriate manner as soon as the diagnosis is available. I would also make certain the child realizes that, even though there are challenges involved, there are also positives.
Since there is much that we must learn cognitively, it is vital that we know as early as possible that this learning needs to occur.
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Aspertastic424
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 04, 2012
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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I go to a great therapist, who has a little tip for me. He says whenever some problem or wierd thought comes up I should ask myself " What about this problem is ASD?" That is a useful tool, and may have been useful in middle/ high school.
If the problem is ASD, that makes one realize it probably isnt as real as we think it is. Like saying its ASD gives us a focal point for correction and change. But yes. It would have been better in hindsight to tell me about my ASD sooner, so I wouldnt have had to slowly come to terms with "having it" despite the fact that I was in a resource room, had an aide, and many of the hardships that come with ASD. I think my parents can be forgiven though.
The early 2010s were a much different time from the mid 90s in terms of this stuff. My parents were still new to it back then, and they didnt know how much of a problem it would turn out to be for me.
Above user I notice your 52 and from the deep south. How was it growing up aspergers back then in terms of school and socially? |
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SilkySifaka
Lemur
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 1396
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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I've thought about this in regards to my own (future) children potentially being on the spectrum. I would explain it in an age appropriate way as soon as I had a diagnosis confirmed. Of course if a child was very young, 6 for example, there might not be a need to use the term 'Aspergers' as it would be quite meaningless to them at that age, but rather to give them a basic explanation of their differences and to reassure them that they are loved and perfect just the way they are.
| Aspertastic424 wrote: | | I go to a great therapist, who has a little tip for me. He says whenever some problem or wierd thought comes up I should ask myself " What about this problem is ASD?" That is a useful tool, and may have been useful in middle/ high school. |
Just being able to say 'This is the AS' means a lot to me, and I wish this knowledge had been available to me earlier. It helps me not to blow issues out of all proportion and it means that my boyfriend can say 'OK, this is an Aspergers thing, let's think about this' rather than 'Oh my God you are a hysterical mad woman and I have no idea what the problem is!'. |
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InThisTogether
Clueless Sage
Joined: Jul 04, 2012
Age: 45
Posts: 1572
Location: USA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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So...do people believe you need to use the actual words "autism" or "aspergers," or do you think you just need to have frank discussions about the fact that they are different?
This is something I struggle with. When my daughter was first diagnosed, I thought it was a cut-and-dry no-brainer...I'd tell her (when she was old enough, of course). But somehow as my kids get older and my son is entering middle school, things just seem a lot more complex.
It's not like I want to keep anything a secret or that I want to hide anything. There is no reason for that because, frankly, I don't even see anything "wrong" with them. They are just different. But somehow the actual mechanics of telling them is just...harder than I anticipated. There are ramifications and I am not sure how to deal with them. They seem happy now and I don't want to rock the boat. So many confounding variables. It really isn't as easy as it seems it should be.
They both know they are different. That their brains work differently. That some things are easier for them because of that, and that some things are harder for them because of that. They both know that I love them the way they are and I wouldn't change them for any reason. They both know they are "weird" and they know that I am, too. We all embrace it. My son has learned that he has issues with literal language interpretation and he readily asks me when someone has said something he doesn't understand. Sometimes he just tells me all of the figurative phrases he can think of. Kind of like practicing. My daughter generally accepts my "rules" without arguing because she knows they help her feel less anxious. We are very fluid and open about talking about being different.
Is that enough? |
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ooo
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 09, 2012
Posts: 494
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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| InThisTogether wrote: | So...do people believe you need to use the actual words "autism" or "aspergers," or do you think you just need to have frank discussions about the fact that they are different?
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Absolutely.
You explain the differences.
If a kid has diabetes, you don't just say "it's diabetes." You explain Type 1, Type 2, and the differences... and what they actually have. |
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