The Death of Devotion (Why Relationships Don't Last Part 2)

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I had a revelation today. Not only have people become so spoiled by technology that they must always seek the best and newest of everything, and it bleeds into their love life, turning their lovers into disposables.

The major part that I have missed is Devotion. Which means to give it all to someone, and to always stand by them no matter what.

The reason relationships don't work anymore is because people have no devotion. They expect to have the perfect relationship that requires little or no effort.

The very second things get tough, its easier to leave than it is to stand by them and work through it.

If people would learn not to take for granted the loving bond they have with another person; devote themselves. Things would be different.

We have been taught to demand so much perfection, and little do we know that its what makes us imperfect is what brings us all together.

Like this site, our imperfections have brought us together.

To me, perfection is just a pretty word someone made up. It has mislead the masses and its destroying mankind slowly, more and more every day.

Perfection killed Devotion, the death of devotion killed true love.


Anyone else has any thoughts?

*PPR forum-related alert


If you believe people are here in the world as a result of a Creator then the natural conclusion is that the Creator himself is Perfection, and as a conclusion of that he requires Devotion. But it's not a slave-to-master form of obedience, but rather to be looked at in a sense that delicious food requires to be eaten.

With that in mind, you are correct, nobody is perfect, but the entity that brought us into being is, BTW I'm not trying to soapbox, merely attempting to demonstrate not only the reasons for our existence but most importantly on-topic, the reason we even have a desire to love and be loved - could that logically be a result of random asteroid collisions?

In that same vein, a friend of mine concluded from studying the Old Testament that the context of Devotion is giving away something you highly value with the stipulation of never asking for its return. I reckon where that plays in with us humans is when we 'give them our heart". It should go without saying that we want to give Devotion to trustworthy parties.

You bring up some valid gripes, modern relations do seem to be a lot like materialism. Pardon the theological monologue, I felt compelled to sound off and give my take on your keywords

To play devil's advocate (AND DON'T TAKE OFFENSE AND ASSUME THIS IS A CONDEMNATION or A JUSTIFICATION FOR THE BEHAVIOR OF OTHERS) Is it possible that what we're seeing now isn't just the result of changing attitudes, but rather a greater freedom to act upon those feelings?

That is, people weren't necessarily all that different in the past. If they had the freedom and luxury to end relationships on a whim, they would have....but most of them didn't, so it didn't happen as much. It's not that they were more ethical/moral/family-centric, it's that they didn't have the ability they would in modern society.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying what you're witnessing today is what you would have witnessed 100 or 200 years ago if it was socially permitted and feasible. Although its a modern manifestation, I don't believe it's a modern attitude. In the past, there were less options and less ability to do so.

So it's not just about the time we're living in, it's a greater question of human behavior.

^ I know my grandmother would have divorced my grandfather if she could have back them. Actually, both grandmothers would have if they could.

On the other hand it's a bit sad looking into the distant future and knowing there will be no such thing as a 50th wedding anniversary anymore (or even a 25th). It's not going to get better. I reckon part of it is learned behavior; the younger generations seeing the generation before them have their number of rocky relationships, they see this as the way things are maybe supposed to go.

There are studies showing that children of divorced parents will more often seek divorce themselves.

The easy way out (here I am not talking about abusive relationships but just the kind of people that think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence)

Personally I think you have failed to account for a very simple and essential factor: people often choose the wrong person for a relationship.

Previously, partners were carefully considered as social expectaions were somewhat high and iit was difficult to get a divorce, which encouraged people to carefully consider but also made it more difficult for those who made legitimate mistakes to seek a marriage to be absolved.
With that no longer being the case, people simply do not consider carefully enough their choice of partner.

It's something that was true before divorce was widespread and it's just as true, if not more true, now. You're just seeing it in the open much more now that the consequences have been removed (I'm not implying that consquences were good, just stating how their removal changed the dynamics).

I'm not saying it's always intentional but people often choose what they want rather than what they need, or settle for what they need and constantly wish after what they wanted, few manage to make an extremely compatible match in this regard. This factor alone probably accounts for a majority of failed relationships.

Staying together is so old fashioned nowadays.
Last night I could have gone home with a married Russian woman.
Russian couples that migrate to NZ divorce at around 75% with the first 3 years.
Kiwi guys are just more modern....

Seriously though, I've been socialising with geese this last month.
Mate for life geese.

Loyalty was an evolutionary strength for humans, now it may be a weakness.
In todays modern world....
A female can achieve better for her young.... without the assistance of a male

Especially males with skid mark undies, sweaty balls, snorers, or mouth breathers.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gWqc7pTNn0[/youtube]

Plus the economy performs better when the house gets sold, lawyers get paid, dating sites get money, hairdressers, fashion, sex aid pills, gym memberships................

follow the money.........

staying together is not good for the economy ---- short term

but thats how the thinking is nowadays, short term gains only

Personally, I'm more like a goose
[did not go home with the Russian beauty]

One of the best studied populations of geese: Individually marked Greylag Geese Anser anser were studied during 1959-1994 in Utterslev Mose (UM), a park and lake area in Copenhagen, Denmark.

http://www.dof.dk/sider/images/stories/ ... 05_1_1.pdf

And for reference: I am a goose but the gander left!

I personally feel that removing illegality/social stigma from divorce/break-ups is a good thing. Any consequence other than just loss of the relationship would be coercive and keep people in relationships for the wrong reasons. I think a lot of us could probably tell stories about grandmothers/older relatives who stuck in unhappy marriages. I sure am thankful for no fault divorce and increased opportunities for women in the workplace.

I think it's about goals too. Is the goal for there to be happy people, or is the goal for there to be coupled people? If both, which takes precedent when they conflict?

Honk! Honk! Honk! thanks for the link

BTW In New Zealand divorce law changed in 1975 allowing half of the property and assets to go to both the man or woman. In the following 6 months, my parents and 2 best friends parents all divorced.

I think lawyers were real busy that year....

Before that time the woman walked away with nearly nothing.....



But usually stayed and suffered their unfair state sanctioned husbands domination

Last edited by Surfman on 16 Oct 2012, 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My pleasure
I have been thinking. I don´t think he was a gander but a cuckoo disguised as a gander or maybe a Cowbird

I don't know man, are you assuming that the relationship can only be 2 people? What about some Muslim people? The guy is allowed to have up to 4 wives. And the wives have got a say in this whole business. Not that they all live happily ever after under one roof. Some will allow it, some won't. How do you love 4 people? Is it the reason because he gets to rotate the attention that they stick it together? From what I have heard, the women mostly want to claw each other's eyes out... so I don't know how that works entirely. This isn't something new though... I don't know how far back you are willing to go with your technology argument.

The law here changed in 1975 too and the divorce rate skyrocketed since there was such a backlog of people who were previously unable to get divorced.

See graph here: http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/i ... 0-fig5.png

DWH: I agree that it is better to be able to get a divorce.
But there are consequences to both being able to and being unable to, which I was simply commenting on in my previous post out of fact rather than opinion.