Are Aspies afraid of disapointing or hurting other people?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm always scared of getting someone mad, especially someone I'm either friends with or related to. I once had a meltdown after I pissed my mom off, so I ran down to my basement crying hard. As childish as this sounds, I was afraid that she would leave my family because of what I did . Also, sometimes when I joke around with my friends at school, and I feel that I offended them, I always feel the need to either tell or text them sorry. Most of the time, they weren't actually upset, so I feel silly afterwards. What about you guys?

Yes all the time-I worry that people that are my friends right now are not going to like me for various reasons and external influences and not like me-I cry at night all the time about it. I am weepy right now just writing this.

I definitely am. It's really stressful trying to make everyone happy all the time.

Yes, I worry about that too. I have those same feelings with my dad. He already told me that I'm never going to disappoint me and that I'm a great kid. He still tells me that but yet I still worry about small stuff like if he minds if I eat something or if I ate it and there's none left for him. Sometimes I forget to do something minor or I don't do something perfectly so I like freak out with I'm sorry's and he just says stop worrying about stuff. So yeah I know what you mean.

I am eager to please people. The more I'm attached to you, the more I want to please you. I highly value, for example, pleasing Chrissy, and to a lesser extent, my parents. Ian and Sherry, not so much, because while I love them, I don't feel much of bond with either.

that is a big reason that i'm a hermit out in the woods, so that i can be sure i won't be in situations where i disappoint or offend somebody.

I get really upset and frustrated sometimes when I mess up. This would include hurting someone's feelings or angering them most of the time. I usually internalize it and analyze it to death, even when it's not all my fault. There are times though when I do realize I am justified and don't really care that the other person is mad at me. Usually this would be when I refused to go along with them doing something immoral.

i surely didn't score any brownie points with my sister when i was at her house today, i put a hot pot of soup on top of a magazine, completely neglecting the heat-resistant placeholders she recently brought to my attention that were available on the shiny wooden table for use in these situations- well, when i finished eating my food out of the pan, i removed it and put it in the sink, then i picked up the magazine only to discover the ink had melted into the table, and when i tore the magazine off [it was my magazine] the paper and ink was stuck like glue to the table, so i took a soapy sponge and scrubbed the mess off the table, only to discover to my horror that i had removed the shine from a 6" spot on the table! damn i just can't stay at people's houses without messing up their place somehow.

I'm the same. I'm always pleasing people and I can never say No. I do not like upsetting anyone and if their is any conflict, personal issues or fights I tend to disappear from the issue, change my mobile number, block the person from facebook even move than confronting the issue because I do not want to upset anyone. I'm now getting taught to be assertive by the physcologist and that it is ok to say No and to be myself.

Definitely. I worry that I'll inadvertently say or do something that offends or insults someone else, and I often take on additional work or tasks because I don't want to disappoint others. If someone is trying to contact me via phone or email because they want me to do something, I'll ignore entirely before I give a response that they may not like. When I mess up or do something stupid, I don't forget it for a really long time. Who knew that saying "no" could be so hard?

I do the pleasing thing to an extent but I also get very resentful and angry if my kindness is taken for granted and then tend to stop. I'm not sure this 'be nice however nasty the other person is being' is a healthy philosophy. It can't be good for a person's self esteem.

I'm not. It's not something I usually think of.

If I do end up disappointing or hurting someone I care about, I feel bad about it, but it's not something I fear in every day life. or shape my life after.

What I do about it if it happens depend on what it was about.

If I end up disappointing someone I don't care about, I am rather indifferent TBH. When I hurt or offend someone who isn't close to me, I usually can't help but think they're too sensitive. and need to grow a thicker skin

This occurs to me, especially if I very much like a person or that they seem to bond very well with me, at first glance.

I feel that way sometimes.

I have been this way for most of my life. (The more I post here, the more I identify with AS.)

I think I've been compelled to please people because:
1. I believe I'm not pretty enough or interesting enough for people to want to be around me, so I feel I have to do something to compensate and give myself an 'edge' so that I can further a connection with them.

2. If I do feel connected to someone, I want to do everything I can not to lose that connection.

I think that the motivations behind people pleasing are extremely heartfelt, but I've learned it doesn't work. Even if I put everything I have into pleasing someone, odds are they'll still gravitate more to someone else who is more inherently engaging.

The best thing I can do is to put that energy into pleasing myself and making myself happy. If I work on myself, I'll be able to put my best foot forward and be more naturally appealing and interesting.