Internet vs Face to Face Communication

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Jinks
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09 Dec 2012, 3:10 pm

Hey guys,

I'm wondering if other people experience such a huge disconnect as I do between their ability to communicate online (via text) and their ability to communicate face to face.

I watched a great video (link) about a low-functioning autistic girl who was non-verbal and apparently unresponsive, but when she was taught how to type her family discovered to their amazement that she was extremely lucid and intelligent and could communicate in text very well (she is now writing a book). One of the reasons it's interesting is that it calls into question a lot of the things which have always been assumed about low-functioning autistics - it makes me wonder how many other "low-functioning" autistics are very intelligent people and no one realises it because all they see is the hand flailing and inability to communicate in the typical way - but that aside, it also made me go "wow, that explains it".

I say this because I find typing communication and face-to-face communication to be completely opposite experiences. I have always had a very rich social life on the internet. In text, I come over as confident, friendly, funny and intelligent, and other people are drawn to me and want me around. In face-to-face interaction, I stumble over words, have difficulty articulating myself, can't make eye contact, couldn't make a joke if my life depended on it, and routinely repel, annoy and bewilder other people with my behaviour. I understand the differences - in text there is none of the confusing social behaviour stuff, I have as long as I need to consider my responses (I find that people go to fast for me in regular conversation), and I'm not overloaded by the things going on in my environment, so the conversation has my complete focus. Of course my experience is to a less severe degree, as I'm high-functioning, but I completely identified with Carly's situation.

I was telling my psychotherapist about a time I got up the courage to meet an online friend in real life and that, despite my warning him beforehand, he didn't seem to be able to get his head around the fact that I was the same person, because the difference is so dramatic. She seemed interested in this (or at least, she was making lots of notes about it). It's bizarre to have my relationships with people divided this way.

So, I want to know if other people can identify with this situation too. Anyone care to share their thoughts or experiences?



Threore
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09 Dec 2012, 3:17 pm

Written communication is easier for me as well, although I still have problems expressing what I want to say in anything other than a list.
Figuring out what to put at the start and end of an email is also a nightmare. Chat seems easier online though, and the advantage of writing/ typing is that I can take as much time for it as I want.



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09 Dec 2012, 3:26 pm

Yes, writing is definitely easier for me. In real life, face to face, I am fluently communicative if I'm in a quiet environment, have a decent amount of energy to focus with, and am talking about something I know reasonably well. But when I write, I can communicate effectively even when overloaded or even near-shutdown and practically non-verbal.

It is probably a function of how autistic people are often slower at processing things. Writing is there in front of you for as long as you need to study it, and can be done as slowly as you need to do it; sound passes quickly and has to be produced on the spot.

It does not surprise me that some non-verbal people have learned how to read and write either before they learned to talk, or without ever having learned to talk at all. This might be an easier task for them. I think it's important to give all autistic kids lots of exposure to written and signed language, so that they can pick up on either one of those if speaking and writing are difficult. Communication is probably the single most important skill any human being can have. There should be printed words on PECS cards, access to storybooks, adults reading to young autistic children. Some won't learn to read; some will; but we owe it to them to give them the chance to learn, not to make assumptions about what they can do by looking at what their skills in an unrelated area are like. Reading can be a stepping-stone to speech, too, or a backup when speech fails.

There are a few fraudsters out there claiming that autistic or otherwise severely disabled people are able to type with intensive support. This "facilitated communication" is usually quackery--but it's quackery that approaches real situations where a person can communicate by typing or pointing but needs someone to help him focus or control his movements. The fraudulent FC practitioners aren't just hurting the people they claim to be helping communicate; they're also blocking access to real alternative communication for people who could benefit from it. It's sad, really.


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Stargazer43
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09 Dec 2012, 3:27 pm

I'm this way as well. In writing, I am much more able to truly communicate my thoughts and feelings, since I have time to just sit and think about what I want to say and how I would like to phrase it. In person, I find that oftentimes I either cannot think of anything to say within an appropriate time frame, or I say something that isn't entirely reflective of my true thoughts and feelings, leading to lapses in communication. I find that in writing I am much more comfortable with being true to myself as well. In person, I often mask who I truly am and simply tell people what they want to hear. I've been getting better about that lately, but I still have difficulty being truly open with people.



Aharon
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09 Dec 2012, 3:35 pm

The Internet, namely WP, is my primary form of socialisation. I'm working on being more face to face with people, for the sake of my marriage, but I can be on here for hours at any time of the day and get a lot out of it, while the face to face stuff is also good but drains me and overloads me in a way that online never does.

I also use Facebook to maintain "real life" relationships with people, and I'm very interactive on there; I just don't spend any real face to face time with them. Some have moved away to other states and its not any different to me then my friends who live across town.


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Last edited by Aharon on 09 Dec 2012, 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Trencher93
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09 Dec 2012, 3:49 pm

I think there are 2 main reasons:

(1) Slower. I can take days to write out the perfect snarky comment if I want to. Harder to react in real time in a f2f setting.

(2) Less stimulus. In f2f settings, there is a lot going on, and it's hard to focus on the actual communication.



antifeministfrills
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09 Dec 2012, 3:57 pm

Jinks wrote:
Hey guys,

I'm wondering if other people experience such a huge disconnect as I do between their ability to communicate online (via text) and their ability to communicate face to face.

I watched a great video (link) about a low-functioning autistic girl who was non-verbal and apparently unresponsive, but when she was taught how to type her family discovered to their amazement that she was extremely lucid and intelligent and could communicate in text very well (she is now writing a book). One of the reasons it's interesting is that it calls into question a lot of the things which have always been assumed about low-functioning autistics - it makes me wonder how many other "low-functioning" autistics are very intelligent people and no one realises it because all they see is the hand flailing and inability to communicate in the typical way - but that aside, it also made me go "wow, that explains it".

I say this because I find typing communication and face-to-face communication to be completely opposite experiences. I have always had a very rich social life on the internet. In text, I come over as confident, friendly, funny and intelligent, and other people are drawn to me and want me around. In face-to-face interaction, I stumble over words, have difficulty articulating myself, can't make eye contact, couldn't make a joke if my life depended on it, and routinely repel, annoy and bewilder other people with my behaviour. I understand the differences - in text there is none of the confusing social behaviour stuff, I have as long as I need to consider my responses (I find that people go to fast for me in regular conversation), and I'm not overloaded by the things going on in my environment, so the conversation has my complete focus. Of course my experience is to a less severe degree, as I'm high-functioning, but I completely identified with Carly's situation.

I was telling my psychotherapist about a time I got up the courage to meet an online friend in real life and that, despite my warning him beforehand, he didn't seem to be able to get his head around the fact that I was the same person, because the difference is so dramatic. She seemed interested in this (or at least, she was making lots of notes about it). It's bizarre to have my relationships with people divided this way.

So, I want to know if other people can identify with this situation too. Anyone care to share their thoughts or experiences?


That's really interesting. I experience a disconnect between how I am in writing to how I am speaking, too. I don't think it's just an autism thing. People who are introverted (this overlaps with autism, as autistics tend to score high on introversion) often enjoy communicating on the internet as it's less stimulating.



Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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09 Dec 2012, 5:17 pm

I communicate waaaaaaaaaay better in text than face-to-face. it's the ability to edit yourself and to pause, plus the fact that I feel like people can chose when to read, but that they can't choose when to hear me speak or not speak so I'm always paranoid that I'm interrupting something or boring them or whatever in face-to-face conversations.

I also much prefer communication that can contain hyperlinks since it allows complicated thoughts and feelings to be nested in a way that people can understand an extremely complex flow of information that would otherwise have been interrupted repeatedly with side-trails to explain things.


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09 Dec 2012, 5:28 pm

Callista wrote:
It does not surprise me that some non-verbal people have learned how to read and write either before they learned to talk, or without ever having learned to talk at all. This might be an easier task for them. I think it's important to give all autistic kids lots of exposure to written and signed language, so that they can pick up on either one of those if speaking and writing are difficult. Communication is probably the single most important skill any human being can have. There should be printed words on PECS cards, access to storybooks, adults reading to young autistic children. Some won't learn to read; some will; but we owe it to them to give them the chance to learn, not to make assumptions about what they can do by looking at what their skills in an unrelated area are like. Reading can be a stepping-stone to speech, too, or a backup when speech fails.

There are a few fraudsters out there claiming that autistic or otherwise severely disabled people are able to type with intensive support. This "facilitated communication" is usually quackery--but it's quackery that approaches real situations where a person can communicate by typing or pointing but needs someone to help him focus or control his movements. The fraudulent FC practitioners aren't just hurting the people they claim to be helping communicate; they're also blocking access to real alternative communication for people who could benefit from it. It's sad, really.


I would go a step further and say that autistic kids should be actively taught how to read and write/type. We should not wait for them to pick up on it. We should teach it to them on purpose. The language skills that they dont' pick up on like typical kids do, we should teach them asap. The order that I learned eggsplicitly was language, then communication, then social interaction. I am not sure when I would have picked up these things if no one had taught me on purpose. I probably would not have reached high-functioning levels if I had not been taught on purpose.

The fraudulent FCers are preventing kids from learning things. Somehow, a non-verbal autistic child is able to communicate high-functioning adult-level emotional eggspressions from the first FC session. Since the child can already do this and make eberryone feel so good about themselves, there is no need to teach them what they dont' know from the basics of single words and simple phrases. I feel sick eberrytime I read about one of these fake FC miracles.



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09 Dec 2012, 6:27 pm

I think online you're also in a better position to shop around for your audience. In other words, you can very quickly connect with others that you have something in common with. This could be interests, hobbies, or just your background.


Most of the time, in Face to Face encounters you have nothing like that unless you've joined a hobby group. Even then you're stuck working through the dynamic of the conversation and can't just blurt out what is on your mind. Online you can't really interrupt another person.


Otherwise, I do dislike Facebook a lot. If feels like everyone is communicating in Blurb form there. If there was no Wall of status posts and everyone used Messaging I would probably like it a lot more.



shyengineer
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09 Dec 2012, 6:49 pm

I prefer written communication far more than spoken and I'm much better at it.

I've noticed many people who are very good speakers are poor writers because opposite skills are involved - writing is slow and detailed while speaking is quick and flexible. While I may not be the best speaker, I can't understand how people can't even respond properly to an email.



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10 Dec 2012, 1:03 am

I find text much easier than verbal.

I have a relatively easy time with my therapist, but even then I get sidetracked into irrelevant digressions, or end up talking about things that are not completely relevant to the point I am trying to make. I try to keep an eye on the clock and direct myself, but it's so easy to just go off on something that interests me vs. something I need and want to actually talk about. In text, it's much easier to stick to what I want to communicate.

I had one therapy session during which I couldn't speak, and I was able to type instead. I found that session more satisfactory than most, but the therapist felt that something was missing because I wasn't speaking. It frustrates me because she thinks that my random verbal digressions are a purer representation of who I am than my directed writing, and to me the reality is exactly the opposite.



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10 Dec 2012, 1:05 am

Also, one thing that really frustrates me is when I say "I did not communicate what I wanted to communicate" people are quick to say "You did fine, I understood what you were saying." But what I was saying was not what I wanted to say and that means I did not do fine at all. If I end a conversation frustrated and flustered and unable to explain myself, and yet the other person thinks I communicated clearly, something went severely wrong, and the other person often won't credit my statements that something went wrong because they understood the words I spoke.



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10 Dec 2012, 1:29 am

Internet is way easier and better.

People dont walking around when your talking, then dont stare in your eyes, they dont flap they hands and arms all other the place.

Only thing there is to focus on when writing over the internet is the text, nice simple and straight forward!.



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10 Dec 2012, 1:42 am

internet is sooo much easier!


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10 Dec 2012, 1:46 am

It's a shame we can't type when we talk to people in real life lol! Actually I guess you could, but that would be a bit weird.