StarTrekker
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 506
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
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 Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 7:31 pm Post subject: Do You Ever Not Like Yourself? |
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I feel really stupid right now. I've been hanging out with a friend of mine a lot, dropping by to see him twice a week for the past three months and he's always been happy to see me and enjoyed our interactions together, well finally yesterday he said to me, "You don't pick up well on social cues so I'm just going to say this out right, you need to stop hanging around here so often, it's distracting me from my work." Needless to say I was hurt, and I felt like a complete loser because the way he said 'you don't pick up well on social cues' made it sound like he'd been trying subtly to tell me to back off for a while now but I in my stupid social oblivion totally missed it. I don't know if that's true, or if he decided he knew hints wouldn't work and he needed to just come out and say it. Well, regardless, the reason he was so forward and completely un-gentle was because I'm a social moron who wouldn't notice a subtle gesture if it hit her in the freaking face. This is the first time I've really hated my social ignorance, and I feel like a socially retarded loser.
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"Scotty, one to beam out!" - Captain Kirk
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
"Not fare well, but fare forward, voyagers." T.S Eliot (quoted by Captain Janeway) |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 7577
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, there are times when I do not like myself, and it is usually because of awkward social incidents like this. But I think it is important not to be down on ourselves for too long. After all, we can't help it! It would be like a blind person despising themselves because they have stumbled over something yet again. 
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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner |
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StarTrekker
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 506
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, you're right, doesn't really make it any less frustrating though.
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"Scotty, one to beam out!" - Captain Kirk
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
"Not fare well, but fare forward, voyagers." T.S Eliot (quoted by Captain Janeway) |
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Radiofixr
Punished daily for being me and different
Joined: May 31, 2010
Posts: 1436
Location: PA
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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I hate myself sometimes because I do not always express things the way I should and then I feel like I am being punished for being me and different-by both NT's and others on the spectrum over many years-I do not know what I did wrong but I feel like I am getting punished for whatever it was.
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No Pain.-No Pain!!!! |
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Kiseki94
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 15, 2012
Posts: 73
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| I hate myself almost on a daily basis. I hate being labeled as "different" or "autistic". People that I know sometimes mistake Asperger's for being slow or mental retardation. That is usually why I don't tell people anymore. |
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EsotericResearch
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 24, 2012
Posts: 55
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:50 pm Post subject: |
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I'm very, very uncomfortable with my personality, and feel a sense of detachment from it as well as feeling detached from my body. But hopefully the good deeds that I attempt to do can offset the nature of how I act and who I am. Because, as we say in the neo-Pagan community, you are your deeds. Nothing more.
By doing good, you are accumulating merit so that you can transcend who you are. At least, that's what I hope happens. |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10206
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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| I think my suicidal ideation is based rather directly in self-hatred. I like myself more than I used to, and thus I think about suicide less frequently than I used to. |
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Loborojo
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 20, 2008
Age: 54
Posts: 1341
Location: wherever I lay my head (now in the Peru)
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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We definitely have difficulties in expressing ourelves with empathy...because the only thing I can read here in replies to what Star Trekker told us is: I I I I I...had this been posted on a NT forum, people would have either openly empathised or sympatized with the situation or console her. None of the replies do...
I also had similar situations but I will refrain from writing them down here...because something need to be said to Star Trekker, words...and in that I am not good either. I force it out...
I always feel cold when somthing nasty happens to a friend or so, and I feel I producing words that are shortcoming or will not be heartfelt by the person who needs comforting...I will only reproduce what I heard around me in situations like this. So, Star trekker: too bad this has happened to you...I am sorry for you. I hope you will get over it. 
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Your Aspie score: 152 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 48 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Last edited by Loborojo on Wed Dec 19, 2012 10:03 am; edited 1 time in total |
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StarTrekker
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 506
Location: Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta quadrant
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Loborojo, that's nice of you. The funny thing is though, I didn't even realise the normal thing to do would be to sympathise with somebody who posted stuff like this rather than jumping in and telling our own story... guess I learned something new.
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"Scotty, one to beam out!" - Captain Kirk
"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
"Not fare well, but fare forward, voyagers." T.S Eliot (quoted by Captain Janeway) |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10206
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:25 am Post subject: |
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For me, most of my sympathizing starts with finding something similar in my own life to establish a foundation for sympathizing.
StarTrekker, I think that your friend was overly blunt with you. He probably could have made his need for fewer visits clear without making a point of calling out your (in)ability to pick up on social cues. |
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emimeni
Musical Listener
Joined: Sep 29, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1064
Location: In my bed, on my laptop
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:31 am Post subject: |
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I often hate myself. It's hurtful to have read that, and I am now having to look at the keyboard instead of the screen. It hurts too much to admit that I hate myself.
Sorry you had to go through that.
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Living with one neurodevelopmental disability which has earned me a few diagnosis'.
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opal
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 23, 2007
Posts: 926
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:21 am Post subject: |
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| Verdandi wrote: | For me, most of my sympathizing starts with finding something similar in my own life to establish a foundation for sympathizing.
StarTrekker, I think that your friend was overly blunt with you. He probably could have made his need for fewer visits clear without making a point of calling out your (in)ability to pick up on social cues. |
I agree with both your points. I also have to say OP that if you are going out of your way to visit him regularly for 3 months, and to all outside appearances he enjoys your interactions, then maybe he' s the one with the problem. |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 2:27 am Post subject: |
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dislike of self is a precursor of self change
without self dislike we would never improve ourselves
aspies could do well with a bit of self dislike
unfortunately, many are too happy to continue in their poor behaviours
I recently disliked myself.... in a healthy manner
it has been the impetus for good/better things |
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Verdandi
Miss Kitty Fantastico
Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 10206
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:29 am Post subject: |
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| opal wrote: | | Verdandi wrote: | For me, most of my sympathizing starts with finding something similar in my own life to establish a foundation for sympathizing.
StarTrekker, I think that your friend was overly blunt with you. He probably could have made his need for fewer visits clear without making a point of calling out your (in)ability to pick up on social cues. |
I agree with both your points. I also have to say OP that if you are going out of your way to visit him regularly for 3 months, and to all outside appearances he enjoys your interactions, then maybe he' s the one with the problem. |
That's a good point.
It is a situation in which he failed to make clear that he needs more time for his work, and made it StarTrekker's fault for not reading his social cues. Or at least he phrased it badly enough that it sounded that way. |
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jk1
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 01, 2012
Posts: 1537
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 6:08 am Post subject: |
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Answering the title of this thread: no sometimes I don't like myself. Or more accurately there are times I feel rather sorry for myself for being so awkward.
Experiences like yours are rather embarrassing and they hurt, too. They can make you feel insecure and have very low self-esteem. I have felt in that way a few times before. But I think you shouldn't just blame yourself. The way he said it might make it seem you did something wrong. But if you were a very self-confident person, you might rather be feeling that he is the rude ungrateful person and just forget about him. After all you only had good intentions toward him. If you annoyed him unknowingly, ok, you learned something from it, but you still are a good person. As long as you know that, you shouldn't worry about it. Well, that's how I told myself when something similar happened to me, though it took me sometime to get over it. I hope you can recover from it quickly. |
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