jric99c
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 18, 2012
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:42 pm Post subject: Socially stupid |
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| As a recent kinda diagnosed aspie (have been told I have it but never tested for it) what is the best way to deal with a friend who sometimes would call you in their words "socially retarded" and think you are giving them a hard time by not reading their social cues on purpose or ignoring them? I thought before I was diagnosed I did it on purpose and just wasn't very well versed in socializing. Now that I know I could not help it, how can I explain to that person it was not on purpose and they should be more sensitive to my needs since they were at first until like I said they thought I was just making it hard on them on purpose. |
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urbanpixie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 02, 2012
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:29 pm Post subject: Re: Socially stupid |
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| jric99c wrote: | | As a recent kinda diagnosed aspie (have been told I have it but never tested for it) what is the best way to deal with a friend who sometimes would call you in their words "socially retarded" and think you are giving them a hard time by not reading their social cues on purpose or ignoring them? I thought before I was diagnosed I did it on purpose and just wasn't very well versed in socializing. Now that I know I could not help it, how can I explain to that person it was not on purpose and they should be more sensitive to my needs since they were at first until like I said they thought I was just making it hard on them on purpose. |
Welcome! Two thoughts for you on how to talk to your friend. First of all, I would politely ask the friend not to call you 'socially retarded'- it's not nice. More importantly, I would definitely communicate that you have a hard time reading social cues and would appreciate your friend's help. However, I wouldn't ask them to be "more sensitive to your needs"- the friend might not be receptive to this if he/she already feels you're not receptive to theirs. I would instead say "I want to be a better friend to you and be more sensitive to your needs. The best way that I can be a better friend is if you point out to me that I've missed something important."
Make eye contact and smile when you do this- easier said than done I know. Good luck- let us know what happens! And by the way, you're NOT socially stupid. The fact that you're here asking for advice on your situation is proof of that.  |
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Anomiel
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2012
Posts: 812
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Sorry that happened to you. That doesn't sound like a very good friend. If they are the kind of person that would call a friend (!) such a thing, do you think they would respond well to an explanation to what "causes" whatever they feel they have the right to decry? They will still view it as this horrible thing after, and probably not be nice about it then either. Find someone that won't view your way of socializing as a negative in the first place. |
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jric99c
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 18, 2012
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:06 am Post subject: |
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| Anomiel wrote: | | Sorry that happened to you. That doesn't sound like a very good friend. If they are the kind of person that would call a friend (!) such a thing, do you think they would respond well to an explanation to what "causes" whatever they feel they have the right to decry? They will still view it as this horrible thing after, and probably not be nice about it then either. Find someone that won't view your way of socializing as a negative in the first place. |
It was because they were getting annoyed with me since they had gotten me in the routine of talking to them everyday. Then when they didn't want to talk everyday since I had it in my routine I had to do it or my day was in disarray, they tried to do this since they thought I wanted to ignore their non verbal and reading between the line cues. If they do not understand I will have them talk to my only other friend who is quite blunt and has a cousin with and has studied ASP (when I told this person what I had, they said they had actually known for a while and I didn't need to tell them and what to talk with me about techniques to help me), and tell them to talk to the person since they will be able to verbalize better that what I did was not exactly my personality. It was however a condition I have. |
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jric99c
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 18, 2012
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:09 am Post subject: Re: Socially stupid |
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| urbanpixie wrote: | | jric99c wrote: | | As a recent kinda diagnosed aspie (have been told I have it but never tested for it) what is the best way to deal with a friend who sometimes would call you in their words "socially retarded" and think you are giving them a hard time by not reading their social cues on purpose or ignoring them? I thought before I was diagnosed I did it on purpose and just wasn't very well versed in socializing. Now that I know I could not help it, how can I explain to that person it was not on purpose and they should be more sensitive to my needs since they were at first until like I said they thought I was just making it hard on them on purpose. |
Welcome! Two thoughts for you on how to talk to your friend. First of all, I would politely ask the friend not to call you 'socially retarded'- it's not nice. More importantly, I would definitely communicate that you have a hard time reading social cues and would appreciate your friend's help. However, I wouldn't ask them to be "more sensitive to your needs"- the friend might not be receptive to this if he/she already feels you're not receptive to theirs. I would instead say "I want to be a better friend to you and be more sensitive to your needs. The best way that I can be a better friend is if you point out to me that I've missed something important."
Make eye contact and smile when you do this- easier said than done I know. Good luck- let us know what happens! And by the way, you're NOT socially stupid. The fact that you're here asking for advice on your situation is proof of that. |
I meant be more sensitive to my needs as in sometimes I will not know what is going on not because I am stupid or a jerk but really just don't socially understand it. Also that sometimes my social IQ as you may call it will regress and and progress so some days I may be able to socialize quite well. However other days or for a couple weeks I might regress and be difficult to socialize with but that however does not mean I am stupid or anything of the such. |
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btbnnyr
Rabbit In Cat's Clothing
Joined: May 19, 2011
Posts: 3122
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:27 am Post subject: |
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| I use the term "social dunce" for myself. |
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emimeni
Musical Listener
Joined: Sep 29, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1064
Location: In my bed, on my laptop
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:06 am Post subject: |
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You can tell them "You're right. I am socially retarded. No, really. Retardation means 'slow', and I have social skill delays because [insert explanation you choose here]". That might throw them off track!
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Living with one neurodevelopmental disability which has earned me a few diagnosis'.
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