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billiscool
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 06, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 1051
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 Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:13 pm Post subject: some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't |
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I wonder about this today. Why is that some aspie women can get a boyfriend with no problem.
Have guys approach them. Get ask out.
but other aspie women can't get a boyfriend. Never get guys to approach them or ask them out.
is looks the issues. I don't like saying this but are the aspie women who can get boyfriends are they just
better looking than the one's who can't
or are they just nicer? and the aspie women who can't get boyfriend, just rude.
or mistaken as rude. |
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Richardf269
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 17, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 53
Location: Isla Vista, California
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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| I guess it's a mixture of a lot of things. A lot of people in the U.S. fear the unknown (and people with Aspergers/Autism are seen as weirdo's who have a social disibility). At least that's kinda the way it was for me. |
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Tyri0n
Master of Coin
Joined: Nov 25, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 2362
Location: Austin, TX
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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| A hot girl can always get a boyfriend, no matter what. Of course, the same is true to a lesser extent for guys. Take from that what you may. |
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billiscool
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 06, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 1051
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:22 am Post subject: |
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yeah. it so interesting to me. On why some aspie women can go out in public and just get a boyfriend with little or no problems.
I know of aspie women who are only 21 and has already had 3 boyfriends. I know of other who are sleeping with 4 guys in one year.
I find it amazing that some(read some) aspie women who struggle to make friends and are not very social can manage to find 4 guys to date them.
at the same time, there are alot of other aspie women who can not get a date, they can't get any guys to sleep with them or date them.
I don't like saying this but are the single aspie women are they just ''ugly''. or they just ''rude'' I have no idea.
are the aspie women who are ''good'' at getting dates are they just attractive. Do looks matter. be honest. |
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yellowtamarin
Elephant Shrew
Joined: Sep 06, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1517
Location: Victoria, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:31 am Post subject: |
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| I can only speak from my own experience and assume that guys don't approach me in public to ask me out because of my apparent aloofness and also my oblivion to their interest, if there is any. And also...does that really happen very often, to anyone? Are you sure these women are getting boyfriends off the street, or are they perhaps meeting through friends and other easier avenues (no pun intended)? |
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Sharkgirl
Toucan
Joined: Aug 19, 2011
Posts: 286
Location: Under The Sea
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:34 am Post subject: |
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Well i certainly think it cant be all looks since I am pretty good looking, used to be very hot but getting older.
I know that i pull some interesting facial expressions and act like a tomboy. I also dress like a tomboy, never do my nails, hair, makeup etc.
I think it also stems from the fact that I am always in my head and never feeling on any level. If I concentrate really hard on being sexy and go out all dressed up and act a certain way obviously have to get drunk first to be flirtatious then i will get hit on. Otherwise I dont seem to be interested in the opposite sex.
My other problem is that i tend to have men that are interested in my form long term frienships and cause I never give off an interested vibe they are reluctant to try to hit on me - takes them to be very drunk. When they finally do try it seems to come out of the blue for me cause I never pick up the signs of it, also cause I find general social interaction to be very intense so sexual attraction is out of this world on the intensity scale so I avoid it at all costs.
Basically to be able to go out with me someone needs to break through my multiple walls of ambivalence, my intense focus on other things and finally my extreme defense mechanism to anything interpersonal in order to get anywhere.
I can hardly stand to be touched and get all weird when there is flirting or sexual attraction so that scares most suitors away sadly.
It was much easier when I was younger and more often drunker to find someone to hook up with - making a relationship last well thats another whole issue.
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billiscool
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 06, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 1051
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:46 am Post subject: |
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| yellowtamarin wrote: | | I can only speak from my own experience and assume that guys don't approach me in public to ask me out because of my apparent aloofness and also my oblivion to their interest, if there is any. And also...does that really happen very often, to anyone? Are you sure these women are getting boyfriends off the street, or are they perhaps meeting through friends and other easier avenues (no pun intended)? |
I have no idea. All I know is that some aspie women have no problem when comes to dating but other aspie women have just much trouble getting dates as much as the typical aspie men does. I don't what you like in public, so I have no idea in your case. |
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deltafunction
Cool cool cool
Joined: Jun 05, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1088
Location: Lost
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:48 am Post subject: |
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There could really be so many reasons why each of these women do/do not get dates that I can't really make any generalizations. Everyone is in a different situation just like aspie men, nt men and nt women who may or may not struggle.
What helped for me was:
-knowing my type of guy (nerds, who happen to look for approachable smart girls so i had an advantage)
-intriguing them with my assets (smarts lol im not much in the looks department mostly because im really low maintenance, so that's not it)
-being a bit forward when i thought the guy was interested by asking him out but making him think it was his idea. the good thing is that most guys appreciate a girl who is straight forward like aspies tend to be, so i just had to speak my mind
-oh and showing some personality, like trying to listen to the guy and show interest, trying to establish a connection that he may not have with other women
I think a lot of it has to do with comfort level, luck and the crowd you are around. it's most likely that aspie women, like men, are uncomfortable with social skills and may not have the same luck. |
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billiscool
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 06, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 1051
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:50 am Post subject: |
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| Sharkgirl wrote: | Well i certainly think it cant be all looks since I am pretty good looking, used to be very hot but getting older.
I know that i pull some interesting facial expressions and act like a tomboy. I also dress like a tomboy, never do my nails, hair, makeup etc.
I think it also stems from the fact that I am always in my head and never feeling on any level. If I concentrate really hard on being sexy and go out all dressed up and act a certain way obviously have to get drunk first to be flirtatious then i will get hit on. Otherwise I dont seem to be interested in the opposite sex.
My other problem is that i tend to have men that are interested in my form long term frienships and cause I never give off an interested vibe they are reluctant to try to hit on me - takes them to be very drunk. When they finally do try it seems to come out of the blue for me cause I never pick up the signs of it, also cause I find general social interaction to be very intense so sexual attraction is out of this world on the intensity scale so I avoid it at all costs.
Basically to be able to go out with me someone needs to break through my multiple walls of ambivalence, my intense focus on other things and finally my extreme defense mechanism to anything interpersonal in order to get anywhere.
I can hardly stand to be touched and get all weird when there is flirting or sexual attraction so that scares most suitors away sadly.
It was much easier when I was younger and more often drunker to find someone to hook up with - making a relationship last well thats another whole issue. |
to be fair. Im talking about aspie women who can't get date or even get sex. I know of aspie women who can't get a date but are sleeping with men left and right. the aspie women Im talking about are the one's who never get asked out, men will lose interesting quickly in them, and no man ever wants to sleep with them. ( or never get offer) |
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1000Knives
It's not difficult if you know how.
Joined: Jul 09, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 4578
Location: CT, USA
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:05 am Post subject: Re: some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't |
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| billiscool wrote: | I wonder about this today. Why is that some aspie women can get a boyfriend with no problem.
Have guys approach them. Get ask out.
but other aspie women can't get a boyfriend. Never get guys to approach them or ask them out.
is looks the issues. I don't like saying this but are the aspie women who can get boyfriends are they just
better looking than the one's who can't
or are they just nicer? and the aspie women who can't get boyfriend, just rude.
or mistaken as rude. |
Pretty simple. Some are nicer looking than others.
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10520
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| Tyri0n wrote: | | A hot girl can always get a root, no matter what. Of course, the same is true to a lesser extent for guys. Take from that what you may. |
Corrected.
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:24 am Post subject: |
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You'll probably find it's the ones that get out and do things and/or have a bubbly/interesting personality and/or are higher functioning that get them.
Same with aspie males really. Yup.
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:26 am Post subject: |
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| Tyri0n wrote: | | A hot girl can always get a boyfriend, no matter what. |
Wow, that's insightful. Some people actually have standards. In my opinion everyone should have standards, whether hot or not.
Sorry if that was rude, but I'm sick of the ignorance around here.
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Last edited by hale_bopp on Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:28 am; edited 1 time in total |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12487
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:28 am Post subject: |
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Anomiel
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2012
Posts: 809
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 2:08 am Post subject: Re: some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't |
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| billiscool wrote: | I wonder about this today. Why is that some aspie women can get a boyfriend with no problem.
Have guys approach them. Get ask out.
but other aspie women can't get a boyfriend. Never get guys to approach them or ask them out.
is looks the issues. I don't like saying this but are the aspie women who can get boyfriends are they just
better looking than the one's who can't
or are they just nicer? and the aspie women who can't get boyfriend, just rude.
or mistaken as rude. |
Many women do not actually appreciate being approached willynilly. It's creepy. Why are you thinking dating only happens if men ask women out, and why do you think "getting approached" is such a good thing?
Otherwise, to answer your question, I guess it is exactly the same reason as why some aspie-men can't get a partner. Or why some NT-men can't. With some sexism and tighter regulations on women's behavior thrown in.
Also, niceness? What? I don't think having a partner is a good indicator of someones "niceness", otherwise there wouldn't be so much domestic violence. |
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