Do you know any female loners? Are male loners...

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Ratae
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14 Apr 2013, 11:00 pm

It seems that it's rarer for a woman to be a true lone wolf than it is a man. Even the shyest, most mouse-like women often seem to have at least a few friends, whereas I know a lot of guys on the internet who have no friends WHATSOEVER in real life. LOTS. I am one of them and have been since about 14 years old. Not by choice, but because I was excluded/bullied a lot from ages 14-21 due to my geeky/unattractive looks/late puberty and aspergers. Over the years I adopted to this and felt better off alone many times. It was better than being bullied for trying to fit in anyway.

It seems if a young woman has no friends whatsoever, she either travels a lot and just talks/has sex with male strangers and stuff, has a really involved job where she still socializes and stuff, or works in some remote area. Otherwise she has some severe mental or physical handicap that prevents that. Such as being housebound due to being 600lbs in weight. I think it's because it's easier for girls to make friends and they're more inclusive than a lot of guys. We live in a more gynocentric world as well. I know women are just as competitive as men, can be mean and exclude others, but it mostly boils down to who looks the prettiest and the jealousy involved in that (for young women anyway).

Apparently, the average woman says 6000 words a day compared to men's 2000. I don't really know any female loners. I know they must exist but they seem very rare?

Secondly, would any females out there give a male loner a chance to date them, or are we just 'creeps' and 'weirdos' to you?

cathylynn
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14 Apr 2013, 11:08 pm

I married a "loner".

Ratae
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14 Apr 2013, 11:18 pm

cathylynn wrote:

I married a "loner".

you seem the rare breed.

Based on my experience, it seems that men are raised to be more individualistic, whereas women to be more social, which would explain why there appears to be an undistributed ratio of "loner" males to female.

This is ironic considering the fact that the overwhelmingly majority of the time (it seems), guys must be the aggressor/pursuer in the initial stages of a relationship(s). The ones who aren't aggressors, and who don't have the handsome hunky masculine or debonair 'male model' looks seem to be handicapped, and these individuals are often misidentified as: losers, geeks, nerds, loners, psycho, eccentric, etc.

And unfortunately, I will rarely make that first move. I will always be myself. Ignorance is bliss, even if the end result one seeks isn't achieved. So all I can do is dress my best, put on a serene smile, and hope for a miracle. (It's actually a pretty good situation, but there's always the desire to want to deviate towards self-actualization.)

Do women of the "loner type" personality exist?

Cilantro
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14 Apr 2013, 11:29 pm

I would consider dating one, but I've only met a few people in my lifetime who had no one at all and not all of them were approachable if you know what I mean. I'm far from normal myself and not put off by people being strange alone.

redrobin62
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15 Apr 2013, 12:00 am

Come to Seattle. I'm not kidding. Just a cursory walk around town and you see single women dining alone in restaurants. It's the saddest thing. I'm not sure if the numbers are the same as in, say, North Korea. There, 10% of the women will go to their graves as virgins. Still, the ratio of single women to single men is higher in this town. Probably related to the greater number of college grads being female.

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Stargazer43
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15 Apr 2013, 12:35 am

Actually if I recall correctly, it was 20,000 words a day for women compared to 6,000 for men. Women are typically born with more inherent social skills and knowledge than men, so that definitely plays a role. But I do think that there are plenty of women who do struggle a great deal socially, and some who share the exact same issues as yourself.

I think that part of it though is that women are less likely to be excluded due to problems with socialization, and shyness or anxiety may actually be seen as "cute". Whereas the same traits in a man will often be perceived as weakness, and lead to stereotyping regardless of whether or not it's deserved. Not to mention socially awkward men often end up taking on the dreaded "creepy" label, whereas you'll almost never hear of a woman, regardless of what she does, referred to as creepy.

Ratae
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15 Apr 2013, 12:48 am

Stargazer43 wrote:

I think that part of it though is that women are less likely to be excluded due to problems with socialization, and shyness or anxiety may actually be seen as "cute". Whereas the same traits in a man will often be perceived as weakness, and lead to stereotyping regardless of whether or not it's deserved. Not to mention socially awkward men often end up taking on the dreaded "creepy" label, whereas you'll almost never hear of a woman, regardless of what she does, referred to as creepy.

Your absolutely right there.

Tyri0n
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15 Apr 2013, 1:00 am

Stargazer43 wrote:

Of course, if women are naturally better socially, then that means the expectations for women are also higher. So it virtually means nothing.

I think men are just statistically more likely to need more time away from people. And they may be less relational on the whole.

I rarely develop close friends because I find the whole process of developing relationships to be too exhausting because I am too different from most people that I have to try hard and significantly compromise myself in order to do so. Autistic women may have more of a need to have close relationships. I don't know.

oceandrop
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15 Apr 2013, 1:49 am

Yes I'm sure they exist. Actually, yesterday my sister tried to find me a new girlfriend by showing me a dating website: http://www.intellectconnect.com/

We laughed a LOT reading the profiles on there. I think it's full of the female loner type and I'm sure a lot of Aspies there. Here's one profile from a 27 year old female that was particularly endearing (nahht): -

Quote:

mod edit: please do not post people's dating profiles to laugh at them

Tyri0n
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15 Apr 2013, 2:00 am

oceandrop wrote:

Quote:

mod edit: please do not post people's dating profiles

Wow, I would totally date her! haha

UDAspie13
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15 Apr 2013, 2:35 am

Ratae wrote:

Stargazer43 wrote:

Your absolutely right there.

Well... I've been referred to as "creepy"... Lets hope they were joking, eh?

Who_Am_I
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15 Apr 2013, 2:37 am

Oh look, another thread about how life is better for women. :roll:

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blue_bean
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15 Apr 2013, 2:59 am

I'd be lucky to say 100 words a day.

90 of them are talking to myself.

blue_bean
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15 Apr 2013, 3:14 am

Who_Am_I wrote:

Oh look, another thread about how life is better for women. :roll:

I'll say it once and I'll say it again, if we're going to engage in epic WP gender battles to win the position of most loser gender (plus additional prize, privilege to whine about it), we women are more than happy to concede defeat.

hanyo
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15 Apr 2013, 4:34 am

I'm a loner.

hyperlexian
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15 Apr 2013, 5:14 am

Ratae wrote:

Apparently, the average woman says 6000 words a day compared to men's 2000. I don't really know any female loners. I know they must exist but they seem very rare?

that's a myth. men and women talk about the same amount every day, but on average they talk more than each other in certain contexts.

Quote:

Mark Liberman, professor of phonetics at the University of Pennsylvania, has turned the demolition of the women-talk-threetimes-as-much-as-men fact into a personal crusade. The 20,000 v 7,000 numbers that appear on the book jacket, he says, "have been cited in reviews all over the world, from the New York Times to the Mumbai Mirror". They are rapidly hardening into fact, but where do they come from?

Brizendine's book runs to 280 pages, of which almost a third are notes. Liberman was sure he would find "a reliable source for this statistic" among this battery of supporting data. Instead, according to a piece he wrote in the Boston Globe, all he found was an apparent attribution to a self-help book - Talk Language: How to Use Conversation for Profit and Pleasure by Allan Pease and Alan Garner. He was not impressed.

In the end, he concluded that the figures were probably based on guesswork, likening the "fact" that women talk more than men to the often stated "fact" that the Inuit have 17 words for snow. Both, he said, were myths. The Inuit actually have only one word for snow; and research shows only minute differences between the amount that men and women talk. "Whatever the average female v male difference turns out to be," he concluded, "it will be small compared to the variation among women and among men; and there will also be big differences, for any given individual, from one social setting to another."

...

"Women speak a lot more in areas of social comfort," she says. In other words, in the home and in domestic relationships, it is women who will do most of the talking. Coronation Street's scriptwriters are spot on. Men will hold forth in other forums. She says it is always male students who ask the first questions at her lectures, and says that men will talk so much during courtship that women will barely get a word in.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ ... ationships

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