How to Tell Kids That You're an Aspie

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Just been recently diagnosed as a 30-something, married with two young kids (2 daughters, go figure... they are already from a different planet!). They are both under 7.

How should I (and my wife) go about explaining to them my aspergers? Any advice on how to engage with them wisely and without confusing them?

They obviously have "experienced" some of the behavior but I'm not sure they are old enough to have a complete explanation...

Any advice (or existing threads) very welcome here!

(Sorry, have another similar question about sharing with my parents here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt230405.html)

If you have been doing ok so far, there is probably no need to mention it to them. I say the same about your parents too. People can end up either not believing you at all and thinking you are using it as an excuse or attributing everything you do or say to it.

Keep it on a need to know basis.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

@OliveOilMom,

For context, are you a parent of an aspie or an aspie yourself? Thanks for your perspective!

Correction: Looked at your profile, got it. Thanks!

I'm an aspie myself. I saw your edit on there but thought I'd put it in anyway since somebody else may not know and be curious. Save them a click or two.

I was diagnosed in my 40s and had no idea it even existed until then. I thought autism was Rain Man or kids who can't talk or communicate, etc. I had absolutely no idea at all.

I have a husband, four kids and a grandbaby and I'm pushing 50. I don't tell people unless they need to know. I also don't make a big deal out of it. My family is used to me so I don't need to explain it with the dx or anything. I do tell certain friends so they will know why I do some of the things I do. I pass for NT, but a slightly eccentric NT. Sometimes a very eccentric one. I was raised thinking it was just me and there was no reason why I couldn't be like the other kids, so I kept on trying and pushing myself until I made it. If I had known back then, I doubt I would have tried much at all. I would have given up probably.

Anyway, that's my input on it and what I do. Think of it like any other disorder. There is no need to tell anyone that you have it unless you have to make some sort of obvious accomodations or have some obvious symptoms that they notice. Would you tell them if you had a kidney infection or eczema or depression that you were able to manage with meds, or anything else that doesn't effect them right now and that they don't have to deal with? I look at it like that, myself.

It's up to you though, of course. you have to do whats right for you.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Your kids are probably too little to understand that you have a condition called Aspergers but they would understand if you just told them about some of your most significant triggers/issues. Eg if little girl screeching really pushes you to a meltdown, talk to them about that specifically. Or if you just can't tolerate noisy crowds and they want you to take them to the amusement park, make a deal with them that you will take them someplace special that you can tolerate. MY DS has ASD and he doesn't really get it about himself so I think your girls probably won't understand the bigger picture for a few years.

Honestly, I would tell them, if at all, maybe if they got a diagnosis, and then still probably later on. For complicated reasons my 7yr old son does not yet know his own diagnosis(please do not flame me, oh, people in favor of telling their kids--he is not ready yet.) We do talk about traits he has and I do tell him I am the same way when it applies. I just do not explicitly mention a diagnosis.

If there are things that you do that are "odd" enough that you feel you have to explain, I would just say something like, "Sorry I did (weird reaction) but I really have (sensory issues with loud noise), or you know whatever would apply to you.

Kids blab, and you never know who could find out what, and your kids are not old enough to put it in proper perspective and it might scare them. Just my opinion, though.

You may find this article helpful (if you don't have access to it through a university or something, PM me with your email address and I'll send it to you). It discusses the developmental stages they found in understanding of autism among NT siblings of autistic kids, when they asked them to explain autism.

On average, 7-10 year olds were at the either stage they term 'contagion' (no clue why they called it that) or they stage they called 'contamination'. They describe those stages this way: