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Im new, and i think my boyfriend has autism/aspergers
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kezray81
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 12:58 pm    Post subject: Im new, and i think my boyfriend has autism/aspergers Reply with quote

hello, this site has been recommended to me. Im trying to get as much info as possible to help my boyfriend. I think he has aspergers or autism, and on top of this he is also displaying some severe symptoms of ocd. Does anyone have any advice for me. im struggling with his behavior and all the other traps that come with these, but he is so amazing i don't want to walk away Sad

(Moderator edit by TallyMan: Fixed spelling of Asperger's)
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pi_woman
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 1:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Online Aspergers Syndrome Information and Support:
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/
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Willard
Graphic Autist
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Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 6030

PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 2:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Im new, and i think my boyfriend has autism/aspergers Reply with quote

kezray81 wrote:
hello, this site has been recommended to me. Im trying to get as much info as possible to help my boyfriend. I think he has aspergers or autism, and on top of this he is also displaying some severe symptoms of ocd. Does anyone have any advice for me. im struggling with his behavior and all the other traps that come with these, but he is so amazing i don't want to walk away Sad


Yeah, here's some advice: You can't change a person's neurology. Get used to it. Maybe you should try struggling with accepting a person as they are.

If you can't do that, you should walk away.

No one deserves to be saddled with a partner who constantly complains about their personality and insists that they change into something they can never be.

If you don't love someone as they are, you don't really love them.

Have a nice day. Very Happy
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Jono
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Age: 34
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 2:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Im new, and i think my boyfriend has autism/aspergers Reply with quote

Willard wrote:
kezray81 wrote:
hello, this site has been recommended to me. Im trying to get as much info as possible to help my boyfriend. I think he has aspergers or autism, and on top of this he is also displaying some severe symptoms of ocd. Does anyone have any advice for me. im struggling with his behavior and all the other traps that come with these, but he is so amazing i don't want to walk away Sad


Yeah, here's some advice: You can't change a person's neurology. Get used to it. Maybe you should try struggling with accepting a person as they are.

If you can't do that, you should walk away.

No one deserves to be saddled with a partner who constantly complains about their personality and insists that they change into something they can never be.

If you don't love someone as they are, you don't really love them.

Have a nice day. Very Happy


Maybe she only wants to understand him, not change him.
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Fnord
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 3:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Im new, and i think my boyfriend has autism/aspergers Reply with quote

Jono wrote:
Maybe she only wants to understand him, not change him.

One can only hope so.
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Only appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health
professionals can make a valid diagnosis of an ASD.
Online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis.
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wozeree
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think you should walk away if you love him!

sometimes maybe just a little help learning to communicate each others' needs can help.
It's not like just because he's Autistic he gets to do everything he wants all the time and you are a horrible person if you ask him to try to rein things in within reason. I often find that I have to self-correct behavior based on the reactions I get from other people.
My advice would be:

(1) don't try to change who he is fundamentally as a person (but you don't sound like you want to);

(2) be very sensitive to his over stimulation problems - I think for many of us that can be the difference between being able to deal with things or not and it doesn't help if someone is saying "you're too sensitive," or "snap out of it." Sometimes for me, just a half an hour away from a bad situation can help me get it out of body enough that I can move on.

(3) try to be very clear and empathetic when you speak to him about what you want. I don't mean you have to coddle him, but just understand that sometimes he genuinely does not understand things that will be simple and basic to you and if you tell him in way that he can understand without being made to feel like he's a horrible person, he might be willing to work on it.

(4) WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that he's the one who is (ill, or bad, or weird or whatever word people use), therefore he is the one who always has to strive to be normal for you. It's a two way street and he has needs from you too! Sometimes that means you have to accept things that other women won't have to accept. That's just the way it is.

Good luck!!
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FlanMaster
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Joined: Jun 24, 2012
Age: 45
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

welcome to wp. I hope the link gives you info that can help you. my wife expects behavior modification of me. i agree that behavior modification is necessary, but i also feel that both parties need to work together, which sometimes requires modification of both parties. I hope it works out for you.
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We love you always Bonnie. Bless God as you have blessed us.
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