How to use OKCupid (from an actual success story.)

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My success ratio on OKC after one year:
11 first dates
5 that eventually lead to more dates/sex
1 that lead to a brief courtship
1 that lead to a great friendship
1 that lead to LOVE and what I hope is a long lasting relationship

My tips:
-Be genuine about yourself. My screename was "AwkwardAdonis" and i was unabashed about how nerdy, goofy, weird and socially awkward I was. I even made sure to include "if you're weird. since there's nothing fun about normal" in my 'message me if' section. I'm sure that eliminated a good 90% of girls right off the bat but it made me more noticable to the ones that were worth bothering with. It's about being comfortable with who you are (awkwardness and all) that makes you attractive. Based on multiple feedback, that was apperent in my profile. My girlfriend actually messaged me first because of it.

-Conversly. Being fake is the quickest way to ensure an otherwise compatible girl passes you by.

-Be (somewhat) selective. I only messaged girls that seemed interesting/geeky/weird/neopagan. The painfully normal ones got skipped over almost immediately. If you can't come up with a short personal message that makes it clear you've read thier profile (something the girls don't actually get most of the time) then chances are they aren't worth bothering with. You deserve to have standards too.

-Don't treat it like a job interview. Yes, deep down you're being vetted but if it starts to actually feel that way........that's a giant f*****g red flag and it's clear you aren't compatible. By that same token, if your profile looks like a resume you are most likely going to give the impression of being boring as s**t. Throw some some jokes in there or something!

-Be funny and emphasize why going out with you would be fun. No joke, a good half of the girls I went out with were noticably impressed by my "making them Thai Curry while watching Tim Curry" suggestion. It was my go-to second date idea.

-You shouldn't put undue pressure and expectations on the girl (i.e. hoping she'll settle for you so as to save you from your crippling loneliness.) If that's what you're hoping to get out of a relationship then you clearly you aren't emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship yet.

-The rating system is your friend. I would go through and 5-star the ones I found interesting and skipping the ones I didn't because ranking people is dumb (you're either compatible or you aren't.) When they 5 star you back, you know you're a go for initiating a conversation.

-Don't take rejection personally. After a while I had gotten so experienced with dating, the worm turned, it became me having to reject others more often then the other way around. It gave me a whole new perspective and I would have given anything to be the one being rejected again. It's even more painful from the other side.

-Don't just worry about dating. I've gotten multiple platonic friendships both directly and indirectly through OKC. My current roomates I never would have met if I didn't date this Gemini briefly (she was kicking one of them out at the time) and I have another person I met on OKC that quickly became one of my best friends.

-Don't just rely only on dating sites. During my year or so on OKC I got just as many dates/hookups/relationships outside of the internet.

-Don't rely on any one person's advice. I've seen multiple people on here give what they claim to be "logical" advice that makes it clear that they don't know s**t about relationships. Relationships are entirely interpersonal. They don't follow logic or reason, nor is there any sort of universal standard or rule that govern them. In my opinion, actually believing there is may be the single biggest thing aspies do to handicap themselves.

The first thing you need to do is find a system that works for YOU. By all means take some of my advice if you think it will work but you'll still need to tweak things through trial and error and even a few missteps if you really want to find a satisfying relationship. Everyone's an individual and no amount of statistics or BS about "market value" will change that.

Obviously, if you're just looking to get your dick touched this advice isn't for you but if you want to find true love , I have actual first hand experience on how to find it (something I'm sure few people here can claim.)

Last edited by Geekonychus on 16 Oct 2013, 8:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

This was obviously meant for me.. So f**k you too. Don't tell me what works and doesn't work. I wouldn't be giving the advice if it didn't work. My advice is 90% about attraction anyway. Not about relationships themselves.

Says the guy who won't even try to date because his own "advice" tells him he has no value.........

Maybe it's because the type of women that I'm interested in expect equal quality men.

Why should a woman that works respect a man who doesn't have a job? I don't have a job right now. Soon I will. And soon I will try dating again, but right now I don't feel like dating women on disability or the types of women that like men that are on disability.

I personally don't like online dating because as weird as it sounds for an apsie I feel like it is just to impersonal probably because I have to many years of being on the internet.

My question would be on the forming a message based on their profile can you give an example I think that was one of the more difficult things to do when I did try dating sites for awhile.

If you actually find the person interesting it shouldn't be too hard. Look through their interests. Is there anything they have in common with you? Maybe they said something you're curious about and you can ask for clarification. Are they really into books/movies/concerts? Ask them what they've seen/read lately. Really the message should be short and sweet (not more than a sentence or two at most) and should have potential to lead into a conversation.

It's the same old advice as telling someone to go out and meet new people. I'm glad it has worked out for you, but I find it a bit patronizing, sorry.

K. By all means, don't meet people. Not sure how that strategy will help you but to each his own.........

I quite liked the opening post. In fact, I think it's definitely one of the better posts I have read in the L&D section. Mix of the common sense with what worked for you.

Good stuff. This could be a sticky if people stop bickering.

Err, no. I meant being told the obvious.

I liked the general idea. Be genuine and honest with who you are; there is no need to appeal to a common denominator, you are bound to be happier with someone who knows you and likes you the way you are. Assuming you are looking for a fulfilling relationship, of course.

Based on what I've seen on this board, I wouldn't say it's as obvious as you think it is.

The 5-star thing is a good suggestion. There's one problem, though - unless you pay for that feature after a couple of days you won't see who 5-starred you back. I have 4 now and I was only able to view 1. Argh!

Great point. I considered it for a bit.

If that's not always the case and enough accumulate, it might be worth shelling out the 20 bucks to see who it was........

Last edited by Geekonychus on 16 Oct 2013, 12:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Yeah, I questioned what's it worth for those premium things. If you're looking to concentrate on the dating scene for 1-2 months solid then yeah I'd get premium.
The idea of spending 6 months membership to get it cheaper is hilarious. I think if anyone is planning to spend that much time just looking, it's time for them to give up or look somewhere else!

I was under the impression that if you both "5-star" each other, it will inform you.

I was on OKC off and on for nearly a year and never invested in the membership. I considered it at one point (just trying it for a month) but never did. It's quite unnecessary unless you need a bigger inbox (unlikely for a guy) or need to change your name.

Like I said, though. OKC wasn't my only dating avenue.