I feel like I messed up but idk what to do now.

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bononi
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04 Mar 2014, 6:18 pm

I'm NT and I just met this really awesome guy. He told me that he has AS. I've been reading up on it, and it doesn't bother me in the least. I really want to understand what is going on inside his head as much as I can. We met at a party through one of our mutual friends. He didn't seem that socially awkward to me but we had both been drinking a little. We had amazing conversation and I felt that there was a lot of chemistry between us. He asked me out on a date for Saturday and he kissed me while we were still at the party. We ended up back at his place and things got heated and we had sex. He consistently complimented me throughout the night and said that he wants to see me again. I assume our plans for Saturday haven't changed. Maybe I shouldn't have slept with him so soon but like I said I had been drinking and wasn't as reserved as I normally am. I have never done that before but we hit it off so well I just wasn't thinking about the next day. He hasn't tried to contact me once since though. Is this because he has lost interest or is he just not thinking about it? I really like him a lot and I don't know if I should be the one to text/call him first or if I should just wait for him to contact me. I don't want to push him away. Any insight would be very helpful.



SSWaspie
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04 Mar 2014, 6:33 pm

So he kissed you, he had sex with you and he asked you out. That's either a hell of a drink he was drinking or he's not that socially impaired and he is purposely not texting or calling you.

I'd just txt and explain that having sex that easily isn't something you typically do (so cliche) and ask if he's still interested in hanging out on Saturday.



aspiemike
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04 Mar 2014, 6:43 pm

Oh boy. This definitely will not have anything to do with Aspergers no matter how much others on this forum will convince you that it is.

You guys had sex the night you both met and I have done that in the past as well, Alcohol was involved as well. I never saw those people again. Granted, the second one kept texting me afterwards and we did have a date arranged (dinner and movie), but she backed out with a text message last minute. Never heard from her again, no alternative requested.

The fact that the two of you had sex the night you met will likely have both of you thinking about why it came that easy. I'm not sure where his mind is at with this scenario, but I do know that an emotional relationship will be harder to develop if sex happens after the first date/meeting. Now I am thinking this relationship will be strictly sexual if it develops at all. Are you sure you want something like that?

As for who contacts who... contact him if you wish to do so. Again, I'm not sure where his head will be at, so I can't make any promises for how he will react.


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MirrorWars
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04 Mar 2014, 7:20 pm

He is probably doing what I would do.

Hoping that you contact him because there would be no way that he ( I ) would be the one to do it in case I've completely miss read the whole situation.



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04 Mar 2014, 7:24 pm

Usually after someone sleeps with someone so soon they might be thinking 'oh dear, what have I done.' He might regret his decision as much you seem to have.

To the other poster: just because someone kisses and sleeps with someone doesn't mean they are not socially impaired. I've done that and it only gets awkward once the alcohol wears off and you have to talk to the person sober.

Dating though. That's something I haven't tried.

Don't men take a while to get back to you? I'm really not sure what could be going through his mind. If he has other interests or something stressing him out going on in his life it could be taking up a lot of his time and the night with you probably slipped his mind. You probably don't want to hear that. But he could be dealing with a many number of things internally.

I'd just wait it out for a few days. If you hear nothing contact him once. Maybe he's just as nervous about it as you are.


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michael517
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04 Mar 2014, 7:27 pm

Something is sort of weird there ... Aspies have a hard time remembering to compliment, hard time not talking about themselves, I have to constantly watch myself, like making sure to ask questions about the other person.

I dunno, instead of asking in essence "are we going out Saturday", change it to "where are we going out on Saturday?" or "would you like to go to movie x on Saturday?"

I get that crap at work and I do it to others :) ask a question that assumes agreement on a previous point.



em_tsuj
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04 Mar 2014, 7:57 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Oh boy. This definitely will not have anything to do with Aspergers no matter how much others on this forum will convince you that it is.


I agree. This has nothing to do with AS. It sounds like a regular dating question to me.



cathylynn
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04 Mar 2014, 9:40 pm

until you hear otherwise, I'd assume that Saturday night is still on.