I'm getting married, help!

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Hi,

Not sure if this is in the right place, please move if not

A few weeks ago my lovely boyfriend of 2 years asked me to marry him. He's a sweetheart, always buying me my favorite sweets and video games, looking after me when I'm ill and generally being an amazing guy. He's very understanding of the fact that I might be autistic (not yet diagnosed) and understands that sometimes it means that I don't behave or act in a way that is normal. He loves my cats, and tolerates my fish. We just seemed to click which I've never had before. He also smells amazing, and for me if someone smells nice then I attach myself to them and that's it they're stuck with me!

Anyway, he took me for a walk on the evening of my mums birthday. We went to the local supermarket to get some treats and a drink, then he took me for a walk along a stretch of the canal which basically connects our home town to two villages on either side. We got to the big park in our town and sat on a bench facing the canal to eat our snacks. After a few minutes he gets up and he says to me "Bellacute*, we've been together 2 years now and we've been through so much together; long distance, medical stuff, family stuff, and theres so much more to come, but I can't imagine doing it with anyone else" He then pulls a small black box from his pocket and gets down on his knee "Bellacute, will you marry me?". And I said yes!

But now I'm panicking. I hate being the centre of attention, I hate receiving gifts and cards, I hate parties and crowds (both of us have families of 50+ people who'd we want there), oh and I hate wearing dresses and showing my legs or arms!

I have no idea how I will manage to get married. I mean I want to be married; I love my fiance and the marriage will bring me the continuation, stability and security that my autism requires to stay at a level where it doesn't affect me too much i.e. I can work and be part of society (Psychotherapists words not mine!) but how the hell am I going to get through the day? I'm not sure a small do can be done, as even if we only invited parents, grandparents, siblings, siblings partners/spouses, and any neices and nephews we might have by then we're talking 20-30 people. I'm not sure I can handle it!

Please tell me it's going to be ok, and I will get through this.

*Obviously I've changed my real name for my username

So elope.

Yes, elope, or just go down to the courthouse with a couple close friends/family members and do the deed there. No need to have a big blowout wedding if it doesn't suit you.

And congratulations!! ! I hope you're blissfully happy together the rest of your lives!

This is YOUR special day - so make it what you and your fiancé want. You want to make it something YOU can both enjoy together. So make it as relaxing as possible and invite the number of people you're comfortable with i.e. very close family and a few friends.

Recently heard of a relatives "Wedding" where no traditional gifts were given but a donation made towards the couple's "Honeymoon" was collected by their parents.

Why not wear something that is comfortable and special for you.

Your family and friends should understand and respect your needs.

Remember this is one day, and beyond that is your lives to spend together.

Whatever day you design, with your caring fiancé's support you will get through this day.

Congratulations, and all the best your wedding day and for future together.

I know exactly where you are at. I am getting married in June. My fiance is handsome, loving, and understanding of my ASD including shutdowns. I was thrilled when he proposed and I look forward to being married. However, I do not look forward to the wedding.

Because of delicate family dynamics there will be about 50 people on both sides (through grandparents on both sides). I have worked to keep things simple, and to delegate (to those who complain). I will have a dress, but I ordered it online for cheap (no dress shops for me). We both attend church, so we will be married in his small church with no decorations. We are only having one person each stand with us. I told my sister to wear whatever she felt best. We are not having colors. I gave some photos to a friend of my fiance who works at a print shop and gave him free reign on the invitations. There are no save the dates or anything else. I printed on labels from EXCEL the addresses and return addresses, they are not handwritten. My dad and his mom are responsible for following up with non-responding invitees. The reception is at the community center, where there will still be no decorations. Friends and family are conscripted to put up tables and chairs the morning of the wedding, and to clean up after the reception. There will be no dancing, instead I will have boardgames (because people insisted I needed something for the guests to do besides eat). There will be food catered because I was told that cookies and punch were not substantial enough for a morning wedding with reception being about lunch time. It will be simple BBQ (I am in Texas, it is easily available and not too fancy costing).

However if even a no frills wedding is not your style and your family or his will not be angry and cast ya'll out for eloping. Go get married in the courthouse (or however that is done in England).

Good luck to both of ya'll. Remember that the point is not the stupid party but the life that you lead together afterward.

I had a small marriage at the court house with only five people who attended. Nothing at all fancy, it was perfect, quiet and very calm.

Maybe something like that would work for you. It is YOUR day, it is not your responsibility to please everyone else.
This is a day you'll never forget so you should make it the way you want it, not how others expect it. People are inherently selfish, most want to go to weddings only for the free food and drinks, the free party, and guilt you into feeling like you made them miss out on such an important happening in your life but if they truly did care they would be happy that YOU are happy your special day., that is the truth.

Im kinda afraid of getting married due to the statistic of te divorce rates in the US and I asume its instantly going to end in divorce within only a few years so I dont bother. Most women aren going to want to stick around an aspie with PTSD with possible BPD and ADHD.

Tradition dictates that the wedding is the brides day and so you must have the wedding that you want, end of argument. If you want a quiet wedding with half a dozen people attending then go for it, and I wish you luck!

Just to prove that it can happen, I was sitting around one Monday morning with my workmates and we started discussing what we did over the weekend, Paul, one of the guys, calmly told us that he'd got married. We never met or even knew his girlfriend, there was no collection at work for a present, nobody from work was invited, they were just two people in love that decided to tie the knot.

So that lunchtime we took him to the pub and got him drunk