untouchable

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Maybe it's because I haven't dated in two years. Maybe it's because my last experience was traumatizing, maybe it's because i'm 32 and hardly ever go out, or maybe it's just because i'm an aspie..

But for a while now i've been feeling untouchable.... as if by some greater creed, the human world has decided to banish me.

I feel like some sort of weird looking animal nobody wants to touch or spend time around.

I'm not sure what i'm doing wrong... when girls look at me or smile at me i typically don't respond.. I look away... fearing that if I try to communicate in any verbal or non-veral way I'm going to give myself out as being "weird" or NA as we call it and make them think i'm ret*d.. i don't know what is expected of me to do body-language style, and whatever I do well it's a deal breaker because it doesn't lead anywhere.

I didn't use to desire all these things that much... but now I feel like this is the only thing I care about.. i don't care about my life, my job, my possessions.. i just want to love and be loved.

What is a touch really? someone patting me on my back or casually touching my arm or a hug... it seems so simple and easily-attainable, but for me this "touch" may just as well be a moon rock because it is, as of now, totally unattainable to me.

acquaintances.. I guess I weird them out with my poor word order, friends... I never hugged friends.. i don't know why... maybe they think i dont like being touched.. either way i'm too scared to ask.

I have cats, I hug them daily... but it doesnt feel as nice or fulfilling as a person

FML has become my favorite term... it just fits so well.

Last edited by JacobV on 14 Apr 2014, 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If a girl smiles at you, ust smile back at her. That's the only thing you have to do.

what if I avoid looking at them. I don't think girls smile at me .

to op I mostly get how you feel though you're ahead of me on years.

women just don't want someone like me, I have nothing in money and objects to offer them. while this isn't likely the only thing they want is it is the most important thing to being allowed to even approach them.

Your self-esteem could do with a visit to a 3rd world country with a 20k or so of spending money.

Or 200 bucks and a visit to Detroit; same effect at a fraction of the cost.

I have an aversion to touch myself, mainly due to physical abuse as a child but also I find it psychologically over stimulating. I can relate to wanting it though-- I have a deep desire to be touched, a constant desire; but also a huge fear. The only way to describe it is akin to bad emo lyrics about prisons, cages and such.

This has been a lifelong issue for me so my expert recommendation: A. Get out there and play the game as awkwardly aspie as necessary to get some or B. zone out in the repetitive addiction of your choice to cope.

200 in detroit lol... that may lead to more problems than I started up with.

that is a tough mixed bag of goodies you're dealing with there... I hope things work out for you... wherever you plan to go in life

zone out into an addiction.. i've done that... still am... I cling to whatever takes my mind off reality.. be it a job, pets, or an interest... it's not a bad proposition... but i've got a desire to do more with my life than just survive and spoil myself... I want to achieve, create, and love... maybe i'm aiming too high, I don't know.... one can dream I guess

I'm starting to feel that way as well. I do have women smile at me and have tried getting out more but I haven't the slightest clue how to express interest or play the dating game whatsoever. I was lucky in that I had an ex who flat out told me I was physically irresistibly and she wanted to jump me the first chance she had but I know few women are direct like that. All I can do is keep going out and being friendly and not be afraid to start conversations with women in general.

Much of that has to do with the obsessive thinking about School and how much the girls hated me. Even the 300lb+ girl made fun of my appearance and I was made fun of for being tall and underweight all the time.

There you go: next time a girl smiles at you assume she's non-verbally saying the same thing the ex did. What's the worst that's gonna happen, you're gonna come off too strong? Well, good news-- you're male and in our society it's more acceptable for a male to come off too strong than too weak.


Next time that happens tell the person you'd rather be tall and underweight than mistakenly tased, caged, and dumped off at Sea World. You're an aspie you probably come off as eccentric/inept in social situations anyhow, so a good insult isn't going to hurt your image one bit if the other party deserves it.

Well, I did do that at work (with a tenant, not a coworker) and she reported me behind my back. I wasn't even that strong just told her she was very mature for her age and it's rare to see someone like her who wasn't covered in tattoos or piercings. Nothing came of it (she just wanted to be left alone not get me in trouble) but still. She even said "thanks" to my compliment! What frustrates me is that one guy I know can basically walk up to a new women, ask her directly to perform Oral on him and she usually complies or at the very least she doesn't run away and I see them together.


I've done something similar twice: once as a kid once as a adult. As a kid, it was like I never said anything at all: it was a surreal experience. This girl was not only fat but U-G-L-Y! As a young adult, I replied back to someone with a similar insult and *I* was seen as the bully. Looking back it was obvious it was an preemptive strike to keep from being bullied but as an Aspie, I feel that I could have been bullied for literally anything that was different. It further frustrates me because married and older women (especially mothers) stick to me like glue and all seem to love me. It's not like I am hated: in fact I wish I was because it would be more logical. Women my own age won't even give me the time of day and it's very disheartening especially given how loyal and protective I am. I even find this dynamic at play many times here at WP and I cannot figure out for the life of me why. I do smile back at women but it never leads anywhere, not even to a friendly conversation.

Having said all that, the bottom line is that maybe many women my age might be interested in me but I cannot identify it at all. Without derailing the OPs concern (that I share as well). I was in a fabric (female-centric!) store last night and was chatting it up with the clerk, a nice girl in her early to mid 20s. As I was leaving, she ripped off a piece of paper from the register roll and said that I should write my name and number for a $30 gift card draw that's happening shortly. That seemed highly unusual because a)it's the middle of the week/month b)there was no signage anywhere about this and c)why would they not have official ballots or a ballot box. That seemed really odd but I have to say I have absolutely no idea if she just wanted an excuse to find out my real name and check me out (maybe she saw my dating profile?) or if she was telling the 100% truth. I laughed and said "just my luck I will win it and I will have to find a girl to give it too." and I figured that the safest thing I could say but otherwise I have no idea if that was a "signal" or I am just grossly over-thinking it and they just ran out of ballots.

Getting back on track, I have to agree with the OP. Sure I have a decent job that pays the bills, but I don't want to just survive I want to thrive and I want someone I love to the point I am willing to lay down my life to defend. I never thought I would be in this life situation in my 30s that's for sure especially how good I am with kids but all I can do is try to be friendly and try going to a different grocery store every time. It's just too bad the women I identify as approachable and 'my type' are usually 19-20, too young for what I am looking for.

I am an NT and my hubby is an Aspie. When I first met him I thought he was weird, but so I am in certain ways, lol! I am 15 years younger than him and I adore him! I went though a horrible marriage with my ex (10 years of hell) and am so grateful for my husband now. He has so much to offer. I wish NTs would look being the oddness and see what lies beneath. My hubby is so sweet, caring and accepts me for me. I, in return, do the same. Yeah things are little different due to sensory issues and social awkwardness but so what. I will take those over a narcissistic a-hole any day!! Hang in there! It helps when you have mutual friends as that's how we initially were set up but we did work together. Let me know if you have any questions, I am not shy!!