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jayjayuk
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16 Apr 2014, 1:17 pm

Hi all. Sorry this is my first post, I will make a post in the introductory forum.

Today I was officially diagnosed with Aspergers. I have no idea how I should be feeling, but right now I feel worse than I did before. It's a bit too late for me to be diagnosed. I've lost out on so much in life through struggling and pretending to be someone I'm not. This diagnoses does nothing for me right now. The only thing that's came out of this is that I knew something was wrong all these years, and now I can finally just be myself. I'm not so sure that's a good thing, but no more pretending.

Today was hard though. I got into the office, and was sat down and immediately bombarded with questions. I lost my thought so many times. My mind went totally blank. I had to tell her I couldn't answer the questions because my mind was dead. Then she called my partner in, and my mother, and then asked me more questions. It looked like she was writing an essay on me.

I waited over a year for this, and when it came I kinda wish it didn't.

She finished by saying "Well James, I haven't written the report but from my observation and from reading the history on your medical records you do have Aspergers. It's likely that being 2 months premature was a contributing factor. I will write a detailed report for your GP, and for yourself, and put you in touch with a team who can provide specialist help". I left with a number to call to ask for an "Aspergers Pack". Feels like a welcome pack. Yay me!

Sorry I can't type much else. I'm physically and emotionally drained.

No idea what this means for me right now.



skibum
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16 Apr 2014, 1:26 pm

Here is a big hug James.

Welcome to WP. We are really glad to have you here and I think that once you start reading threads you will start to see how you fit right in with us and it will help you very much through this time.

I am not officially diagnosed yet but I am 99.99% sure that I have Asperger's. I have been unofficially evaluated off the record by people who know what they are looking at and talking about so we know that I am on the Spectrum. I am working on trying to get an official diagnosis. I don't know how I will feel once I get it, if I manage to get it and I can't say that I know how you feel because I don't. But I understand what you are saying.

For me when I found out, unofficially, that I am on the Spectrum it was a huge relief for me because it explained everything I had been going through for nearly half a century. I now know that I am not a freak but that I actually have a real reason for my issues, at least the Autism related ones! :D

But I can see that this is a big transition for you and it will take some time for you to get through it. I think other people have felt the same as you. So I suggest that you just browse around here and hopefully you feel like you are among friends and among people that can relate to everything you are going through.


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Last edited by skibum on 16 Apr 2014, 1:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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16 Apr 2014, 1:26 pm

Welcome to the Forum.

Sorry it took so long for you to be diagnosed.



jayjayuk
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16 Apr 2014, 1:30 pm

skibum wrote:
Here is a big hug James.

Welcome to WP. We are really glad to have you here and I think that once you start reading threads you will start to see how you fit right in with us and it will help you very much through this time.

I am not officially diagnosed yet but I am 99.99% sure that I have Asperger's. I have been unofficially evaluated off the record by people who know what they are looking at and talking about so we know that I am on the Spectrum. I am working on trying to get an official diagnosis. I don't know how I will feel once I get it, if I manage to get it and I can't say that I know how you feel because I don't. But I understand what you are saying.

For me when I found out, unofficially, that I am on the Spectrum it was a huge relief for me because it explained everything I had been going through for nearly half a century. I now know that I am not a freak but that I actually have a real reason for my issues, at least the Autism related ones! :D

But I can see that this is a big transition for you and it will take some time for you to get through it. I think other people have felt the same as you. So I suggest that you just browse around here and hopefully you feel like you are among friends and among people that can relate to everything you are going through.


Thank you :D Going to have a browse on the forums whilst lying in bed. I'll be more responsive when I've had a rest and read up on some posts lol. Just shattered atm.



skibum
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16 Apr 2014, 1:33 pm

Get some rest friend. We look forward to getting to know you. We'll talk more when you feel up to it. Enjoy the browse. :)


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LupaLuna
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16 Apr 2014, 1:35 pm

Hey! at least you get your at 29. I didn't get my until I was 41. I know it not always great news, especially when you learn that their is no cure for it.



Liblady
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16 Apr 2014, 1:39 pm

We're familiar with the feeling, James. Some of us spent decades trying to fit in and didn't know why we were failing. In my case, I wasn't officially diagnosed until this past summer when I was approaching 48 and there are plenty of people around who were diagnosed at a later age than I was.

Coming on here for an online community was a great step. We're always here for you. I would also look around and see if there are any counselors in your area who work with adults on the spectrum to help you sort through issues. They could also refer you appropriately, if there are any comorbid disorders that need specialized attention. You also want to look around to see if there is an adult autism spectrum support group in your area, such as ASAN (Adult Self Advocacy Network). (Unfortunately, we don't have any in my locale, so I'm getting ready to cofound a chapter of ASAN, the first in Alabama.)



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16 Apr 2014, 1:48 pm

Welcome to the WP club! I can relate all too well. When I first had my 'lightbulb' moment at 29, I thought "HOORAY!! I'm not crazy and I finally found that illusive answer of why I have never ever fit in and struggled with everything!" I have been unable (and likely will never) be able to get a formal diagnosis but it's all but official at this point. I was content at first but more and more I've felt confused. Seeing so many similar life stories to mine was comforting at first but now I feel like I will never be the "normal" person I want to be with a family. I tried joining Autism/Asperger groups but felt like I could not connect with them at all as I was too "normal" for such groups. All I can think about (especially in the dating scene) is how being such a late bloomer means my ship might have sailed and all the "normal" people are married and have made their friends. I would like nothing more than to belong but I increasingly feel that I am just wasting my time. I tried therapy and it's been almost useless and I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I accept my limitations or try and transcend them? You are certainly not alone that's for sure but at least I KNOW why I struggle so much with peers, especially women.



LupaLuna
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16 Apr 2014, 1:50 pm

Knowing that you have it is both a good thing and a bad thing. The good part is is that it gives final resolve to a mystery that had eluded you all your life but the bad part is, is having any hope of being cured destroyed because you finally learned that there is no cure. It's like having you faith in god destroyed because someone out there can now prove that God doesn't exist.



skibum
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16 Apr 2014, 1:54 pm

Giant Hockey Fan, I found out as well that the support groups in my area are much more geared towards the needs of LFA's. But perhaps like I am finding with the Equine Therapy group you might find something like that where they can make a place for you. I might not benefit from the actual program the way it is set up but as an HFA I can go to the farm and work directly with the horses caring for them and helping to train them. This is not direct Autism therapy per say but I find that doing something like that really helps me in all areas of my Autistic struggles. I am more relaxed an have fewer meltdowns and when I worked on correcting my dyslexic trotting post while riding, it carried over to my dyslexic speech and writing and helped with that too.


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Willard
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16 Apr 2014, 2:03 pm

jayjayuk wrote:
It's a bit too late for me to be diagnosed. I've lost out on so much in life through struggling and pretending to be someone I'm not.


Seriously? "A bit too late"? I was diagnosed at 49. Your life isn't even halfway over, you found out early. Just imagine how many more years you could have gone on struggling, without knowing why life was so much harder for you than for everyone around you.

Sorry you feel you've expended a lot of energy pretending to be something you're not - that I don't get, I've never been able to be anything but what I am, but I've certainly taken a lot of flack for that, because it was never what others expected or insisted that I be.

Truth be told, diagnosis doesn't really change anything, except your own perspective. There's no cure, or effective treatment. But now you have an explanation for WHY certain things have always been difficult for you, and it wasn't some flaw in your personality, it was actual hardwiring in your brain that you had no control over. Unfortunately, that also means it's not ever going to change, but hey, deep down you've always known that, haven't you? :wink:


jayjayuk wrote:
I got into the office, and was sat down and immediately bombarded with questions. I lost my thought so many times. My mind went totally blank. I had to tell her I couldn't answer the questions because my mind was dead. I'm physically and emotionally drained. No idea what this means for me right now.


Been there, done that. Sorry you're feeling so wiped out, but you'll recover with some rest and solitude. One thing it means is that the way you view yourself and who you are is going to undergo a fundamental change, probably over the next year or so, you're already experiencing that and it's rather overwhelming at first. To a great extent, I think you'll find it to be a relief, coming to understand just what's been happening to you all this time, and the mechanics of how it works - however, there are likely to be periods of sadness, depression and even a vague sense of loss as your entire self-image adjusts to the new perspective. That's all normal. It passes.

jayjayuk wrote:
I waited over a year for this, and when it came I kinda wish it didn't.


You just had an overwhelming day, once you're rested and recovered and start to get familiar with the new way of seeing yourself, I think you'll find it fascinating. Not better, or worse - nothing has really changed, in terms of who you are - only your understanding of what that is. Once you begin to really comprehend the condition and how it works neurologically, it's an amazing experience, to begin to realize just how differently you've been seeing the world, as opposed to what others are seeing, ALL YOUR LIFE. Damn - no wonder people sometimes looked at you funny. 8O

jayjayuk wrote:
I left with a number to call to ask for an "Aspergers Pack". Feels like a welcome pack. Yay me!


:wtg: Yay, you, is right. You have an opportunity to understand your brain and how it works that "normal" people never get. That's actually kinda cool.

:lol: I never got an "Asperger Pack." That's hilarious. I'd put it on display as a badge of honor. Not just everybody gets one of those, that's special. For most of us here, discovering Wrong Planet was our Induction Packet.

Welcome! Make yourself at home here. :D



Mikemi35
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16 Apr 2014, 2:04 pm

I was also recently diagnosed, I'm 35 years old. I'm still relatively young, so my thoughts about my diagnosis have varied from "why didn't they catch this earlier" to "at least I know why". I've settled on at least I know why for the time being :D.



jayjayuk
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16 Apr 2014, 2:12 pm

In light of learning that others were diagnosed far later, I guess I should count myself lucky that I wasn't left until my 40's. You guys/girls must have endured a much tougher time than I did. I wasn't even aware of people being diagnosed at that stage of life until reading some posts and replies here.

@Willard, I enjoyed reading that response. Today has been tough for me, and hasn't sunk in completely. But you're actually right. It's only my perspective that has changed.

Tomorrow is a new day. And hopefully a new chapter in the book of James.

I'm glad there is a community to discuss this. Some of your replies have made me realise that it's not bad, and I'm no different to what I was yesterday. It's just now, I have a label to tell me why I find many things difficult.



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16 Apr 2014, 2:28 pm

You are going to do great James. Just being able to talk about it like this is such a huge part of the battle. But even with me, I am close to 50 and I don't know if I will be able to get diagnosed officially simply because of the cost. But Willard is right, whether you know or don't know you are still James like you always have been. The only thing that can change who you are is your decision and action to do so, nothing else, no one else, and certainly not a diagnosis. But being able to now learn about who you are and why you do what you do and how you tick is amazing. I think it will boost your self esteem and confidence. Just being able to educate yourself and get out of the darkness of the issues in your life will really encourage and strengthen you in many ways. I know it has done wonders for me. And it has also done wonders to deepen my relationships with the people in my life who really love me and care about me and who want to know about this and how they can be closer to me and help me. There are not a ton of them but they are there. So it has been a good thing. It has not made my struggles easier and some things have gotten harder because I am very high functioning so sometimes people don't believe me and actually argue with me about it. But overall, the good parts of knowing are much greater than the challenging parts.

So I suggest you give yourself the freedom to really explore this and really learn about what it means to be on the Spectrum. I know that even with all the challenges that come with this, it is who I am and I seriously would not want it any other way. There are Aspergian traits that I would not trade for a thousand NT lives. And NT's have struggles too, not better or worse, just different so if I was NT I would still have serious challenges just like every one else. But you'll do great. just hang out here for awhile and you will see what wonderful and beautiful people Spectrumites are. :D


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Nepsis
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16 Apr 2014, 3:30 pm

Wow, oddly enough I, too, am 29 and just had my official diagnosis yesterday.
I guess we're both new to the club, eh?

I think I went through some similar thoughts to what you described
about half a year ago when, after a psych evaluation, it first became
apparent that Aspergers described so much of how I act and see the world.

I think that, moving on, it will only be positive.
At least, in my experience, I have tried to use the knowledge that this
is what I have, to focus on my strengths and be able to find
why certain weaknesses of mine are what they are.
It also allowed me to give up a certain amount of "shame" I think I'd
been holding onto about how I act/acted in the past...social gaffs,
awkwardness, intense special interests, extreme introversion, etc.
I realized I wasn't just a completely weirdo or social reject, per se,
but that this is just how my neurology is set up. (not excusing actually
regrettable things, of course, just no longer feeling bad about being
a misfit, etc)

I don't know. That's just how I'm seeing it right now.
Just had my own official diagnosis yesterday so still processing that myself.

Peace 8)



skibum
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16 Apr 2014, 3:35 pm

Welcome to WP Nepsis.


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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph