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Mpregangel
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17 Apr 2014, 2:09 pm

I live in great amounts of physical pain and in trapped in an emotionally abusive home. I want to do die but I'm told by my girlfriend I'm not allowed to. Why should she be allowed to tell me what to do when she's essentially letting herself die in the long run. She has pcos but she doesn't take any medication for it and she already obese. Why is it selfish for me to kill myself but it's not her? Does she think I like watching her slowly die? It's sickening. I'd rather die quickly and get it over with but she uses guilt to talk me down. It's frustrating like some sort of sick game. I don't want to live like this anymore.



auntblabby
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17 Apr 2014, 3:07 pm

if you don't mind, can you tell us what your physical ailments are?



Mpregangel
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17 Apr 2014, 5:47 pm

auntblabby wrote:
if you don't mind, can you tell us what your physical ailments are?
I have constant pain... Mostly in my right leg... Start in the bottom and work up. My intestines hurts but all they can tell me is I must have IBS. My head hurt frequently. I have GERD if I accidentally eat and take one of about 50 things I'm allergic too and have had stomach ulcers. My throat stings, especially after talking. I feel dizzy a lot and can injur myself by walking. My jaw locks up and hurts some days. I have night of insomnia. Plus I believe I may have absence seizures. I'm so tired of living like this and it's difficult for me to get medical help. I also have muscle twitches and convulsions sometimes with no apperently cause that can become painful, especially when lying down. I don't understand any of this or why I should live like this. I'm not even nineteen but my body feels like it's 50! I also have a compromised immune system so I get sick frequently and I'm always tired when my immune system attacks even the food I eat.



auntblabby
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17 Apr 2014, 5:49 pm

can you tell me what is preventing you from getting proper medical attention?



Mpregangel
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18 Apr 2014, 1:47 am

auntblabby wrote:
can you tell me what is preventing you from getting proper medical attention?

I can't drive or work so I don't have money. When I do see a professional they can't diagnose me or refuse to do so.



auntblabby
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18 Apr 2014, 1:50 am

Mpregangel wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you tell me what is preventing you from getting proper medical attention?

I can't drive or work so I don't have money. When I do see a professional they can't diagnose me or refuse to do so.

unfortunately you are in a less than good part of the country in terms of getting quality health care. but the squeaky wheel gets the grease, you have to be stubborn enough to be your own best advocate even at the expense of shoe leather.



Mpregangel
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18 Apr 2014, 2:04 am

auntblabby wrote:
Mpregangel wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you tell me what is preventing you from getting proper medical attention?

I can't drive or work so I don't have money. When I do see a professional they can't diagnose me or refuse to do so.

unfortunately you are in a less than good part of the country in terms of getting quality health care. but the squeaky wheel gets the grease, you have to be stubborn enough to be your own best advocate even at the expense of shoe leather.

Maybe... I'm trying to get diagnosed with ASD in May again and after Easter I want to call my doctor. I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. What makes it worse is that people constantly have to remind me I shouldn't kill myself and I don't know what gives them the right. Why do they try to torment me more? They don't know what it's like to live like this so how can they speak against my decision and before I've even made it?



auntblabby
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18 Apr 2014, 2:20 am

it is your life to do with as you see best. but I still have to say that if you decide to go, we are all diminished. I believe us aspies should try our damndest to stick together in mutual support. that mutual support is weaker when one member eschews the rest of us. although I don't expect you to agree with this, in a way your life is not 100% your own, but is a part of everybody else's life that you have encountered or were meant to encounter. there could well be people in the future who would be diminished because they never got to know you. this is just my opinion.



AspieOtaku
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18 Apr 2014, 3:27 am

Please dont kill yourself Ive been there many times in the end your planing ti kill yourself and put yourself in a situation of eternal darkness over nothing.


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syzygyish
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18 Apr 2014, 6:53 am

Mpregangel wrote:
I live in great amounts of physical pain and in trapped in an emotionally abusive home. I want to do die but I'm told by my girlfriend I'm not allowed to. Why should she be allowed to tell me what to do when she's essentially letting herself die in the long run. She has pcos but she doesn't take any medication for it and she already obese. Why is it selfish for me to kill myself but it's not her? Does she think I like watching her slowly die? It's sickening. I'd rather die quickly and get it over with but she uses guilt to talk me down. It's frustrating like some sort of sick game. I don't want to live like this anymore.


um

it's also distressing to us that one of us could be so 'Locked in'
to a situation
:(

Is there nothing we can do?

no escape plan?
no ideas that could set your mind in motion?
no other opportunity that you could say

YES

to?

No friendly aphorisms and 'Wellcome to WP'
and we can't solve your'e problems but we are a hell of a great commiserating team?


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Mpregangel
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18 Apr 2014, 2:32 pm

syzygyish wrote:
Mpregangel wrote:

um

it's also distressing to us that one of us could be so 'Locked in'
to a situation
:(

Is there nothing we can do?

no escape plan?
no ideas that could set your mind in motion?
no other opportunity that you could say

YES

to?

No friendly aphorisms and 'Wellcome to WP'
and we can't solve your'e problems but we are a hell of a great commiserating team?

Well my only hope out would be is I can get SSI but it's not going so well because doctors and psychologists are too hesitant to diagnose me with anything. I can't move out if I don't have money. Asperger's gets brushed of because in too old, no one knows what's causing my leg pains, and debilitating pain just doesn't matter.



auntblabby
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18 Apr 2014, 3:52 pm

Mpregangel wrote:
I can't move out if I don't have money. Asperger's gets brushed of because in too old, no one knows what's causing my leg pains, and debilitating pain just doesn't matter.

your neck of the woods isn't doing you any good. even if you have to thumb around and be homeless for a while, it will eventually get you away from that place and nearer to some place better. eventually you will need to get on Medicaid and get seen for your intractable pain.



syzygyish
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14 May 2014, 5:53 am

Mpregangel wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Mpregangel wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you tell me what is preventing you from getting proper medical attention?

I can't drive or work so I don't have money. When I do see a professional they can't diagnose me or refuse to do so.

unfortunately you are in a less than good part of the country in terms of getting quality health care. but the squeaky wheel gets the grease, you have to be stubborn enough to be your own best advocate even at the expense of shoe leather.

Maybe... I'm trying to get diagnosed with ASD in May again and after Easter I want to call my doctor. I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. What makes it worse is that people constantly have to remind me I shouldn't kill myself and I don't know what gives them the right. Why do they try to torment me more? They don't know what it's like to live like this so how can they speak against my decision and before I've even made it?


I guess it's because we're a community
:(

Probably every one here has wanted to, or tried to, kill themself
:(

I know i have
:(


Just letting you know we understand
:(

p.s.
you haven't thought it through


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JacobV
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22 May 2014, 9:35 am

auntblabby wrote:
Mpregangel wrote:
I can't move out if I don't have money. Asperger's gets brushed of because in too old, no one knows what's causing my leg pains, and debilitating pain just doesn't matter.

your neck of the woods isn't doing you any good. even if you have to thumb around and be homeless for a while, it will eventually get you away from that place and nearer to some place better. eventually you will need to get on Medicaid and get seen for your intractable pain.


I second that advice. few things are more terrifying to an aspie than the prospect of leaving familiar surroundings to a new/strange place... It is usually hard to do and takes a long time before you feel comfortable with it.

Sometimes... when things get really bad.. you have no choice but trading one hell for another. I've heard people say "The evil you know is better than the evil you don't". There can be some truth to that. But if anything, moving will let you find out wether the problems lay with your location or with yourself.. it is likely a mix of both.... and of course with the girlfriend in the picture you may not want to leave at all....

Moving will give you a fresh start and a new chance to find your balance in life.



envirozentinel
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22 May 2014, 9:57 pm

I'm not American so I don't know whether you qualify for "Obamacare" health benefits? If so, you need to use it and get proper help as soon as possible.

If you get a proper medical diagnosis and treatment, then you won't have to live in pain like that - treatment can be curative or palliative, so at least you have a better life quality.

Your g/f is not being self centered in this, she evidently loves you and is trying to keep you in her life.

Although none of us here at WP know you in person, we are still part of a community that cares for one another and seek to find solutions for one another's burdens.

I do hope you can get proper professional medical guidance asap because knowledge of what the underlying problem is will go a long way to relieving your mind.



syzygyish
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24 May 2014, 5:51 am

Mpregangel wrote:
I don't want to live like this anymore.


:cry:

this is where all our hopeful advice falls apart

suicide is not usually a cry for help

but the only option, for people who have no options!

we live in the richest societies on earth

in a golden age of richness
and we let people DIE!

of poverty and NO options!

It's Disgusting
Reprehensible
Evil

Inexcusable!
Inexcusable!
Inexcusable!

:evil:


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