Should have done this a while ago

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I never realy intrduced my self so here it is.
Im 32 live with my parents:( been in and out of depresion a few nervous breackdowns,had a few jobs the only one i liked was on a farm,others didnt last more than a year and ended in burnouts havent had a girl friend in 13years ,smoked pot exesively for all that time(recenty quit).had my third nervous breackdown earlier this month and tried to reach out to friends from my past on facebook for help .instead of trying to reproduce my post im just gonna copy and paste it.
Hey whats up guys,hope things have been good.i would normaly say that things are good for me but i would be lying.its been rough for me,ive always had a hard time socialy,i always ran from my troubles ,my anxieties,my "social illiteracy" and try to smoke them away.ive spent a lot of time trying to figure out whats wrong with me,who i am,why cant i be like other guys and be able to act on what i feel.ive always envied the way other people do it,it seems to come so easily for them.whitch have led to many regrets in my earlier years,i always blamed my self ,i feel like i didnt try hard enough,i didnt put enough effort, i just ran,i gave into my fears and doubts .i started smoking weed to try to foget to move on,to forget i just bottled things up and try to deal whith it .in effect it helped on the surface but made the social inadequasies worse closed off my personality even more,created even more layers of defence.and here i am over ten years later and nothing has really changed.those that know me should know that its hard for me to open my self like this and if im doing so its because pretty bad.i recently decided to get into facebook to see whats up With everbody,after seeing a few people i knew i decided to look up a specific name,i was just curious,all it took was one picture and it was like opening pandoras box,15 years of emotions,regrets,anxieties came to the surface,im a mess i can barley eat and sleep i cant focus,i can compose my self just barely enough to go out in public and not have it show too mutch.if this sounds like a cry for help it kinda is.i dont know what to do,i need some advice ,some guidance,anything.im left with a need to reach out to a certain person,to at least catch up but i dont know if i should,is it misguided,is it wrong,i dont know if she would want to.i dont want to just suddenly appear and mess any thing good thats going on.i dont want to bring any body down with me and never did.I have basicaly no info ,its driving me nuts,it scares me.This about all i can force out of myself for now,hope it makes sense.there is a lot i fogot or missed ive been thinking of this for a little and things never come out the way i thought it up .it wasnt easy as its taken me a couple of hours to write this,and a couple of days to finally force myself to do this.it should help that i was at able to get at least this out ,it was a little easier typing it as i block up verbaly in most emotional situations.hope to hear from you guys ,thanks for listening.
I wrote this before looking up autism spectrum disorder(not sure im saying that right)
I remembered reading a news paper article 10years ago on it and thought it sounded a lot like me,igave itto my mom in the hopes she would read it and give me ber opinion on it but i dont think she ever read it so i forgot about it and moved on.
After finding this site(and being on it obsesively)i see a lot of what i said in others.thank you all for sharing.
Sorry this is so long ,and again thank all of you,i feel closer to home than ever.

Thanks,I've never been good at punctuation .in school my english marks were not verry good.

Welcome! If you suffer from depression and other such things, id suggest going gluten free for a month. Modern day semi-dwarf strain wheat can wreck havoc on the human system in a myriad number of ways. Check out the video below, it's a seminar by the author of Wheat Belly. Keep in mind there is no speculation or homeopathic hocus pocus; just pure science and facts.

Good luck!

http://youtu.be/UbBURnqYVzw[/youtube]

Welcome to the site!

Thanks for the advice.i wasn't able to see the video(it said 404 not found)but i will look it up.I've been wanting to try it as it may help with my digestive issues.

You can locate it on youtube.

I did find some,i wached a short video and was pretty suprised at the whole morphine receptor thing.im gonna eventually watch the one thats over an hour.
Im pretty sure im already on a partial gluten free diet.i gotta have my corn flakes both for breakfast and before i go to bed.

Hey Rob.

Okay, I may not be the best person to talk about how to deal with people, but I'll be honest, I have never had much success reaching out to friends and family. Either they are in denial and just want me to be okay, or they don't actually care, or think I am over reacting or something, but when it came to depression or my alcohol issues, none of them wanted to know.

But, I have had amazing success talking to random strangers on the internet Random strangers got me sober and supported me when no one else would. And a few of them turned into real life friends too.

I digress. The point is have you tried getting help from other sources other than your immediate circle of friends and family? A doctor maybe too. I don't know what it's like in your area but where I live there are a ton of support groups if you know where to look.

I should have said this first but massive congratulations on quitting smoking pot. That's a really difficult thing to do so you should feel proud of yourself. And if you can do that just think of all the other stuff you can do x

Thank you lucyv and i would have to return the congrats,alcohol is not an easy thing to quit either,there is a lot of it in my family especialy the french side,so ive seen how addictive and destuctive it can be.
Me too talking to people on the Internet has helped ,not necesarily for the weed(though have gotten some support)it was more to understand myself,
it sadens me to hear that you got more help from ouside sources than your family.im sure my family would try to help but maybe they dont know how,i often thought the same as you but never really reached out for help,i would keep it more to myself.
i did see a doctor many years ago it was mainly to figure out digestive issues and a pain in my neck,as soon as i mentioned depression he seemed to jump at the chance to give me pills,so i broke down trying to explain it was not likely to help.i always felt like it was more of an effect than a cause.
I do feel its more and more behind me,and friends i smoked with are pretty happy for me,though ive been seeing them less,going over just to socialize is not really my thing.
As far as help i kind of cringe at the thought of being in a support group.there should be some around here,there is a lot of alcohol ,weed,speed,and coke,im sure there are others but thats the big 4.me being high as a kite on weed i seemed like an angel compared to others around here lol.
I am proud,as you should be too.it has freed up a lot of time all i need to do is keep busy and cigs will follow
How long has it been since you quit?

Hi Rob. Yeah it's fun to find out about the spectrum a decade or two or four late. I think many of us can be pretty happy if we get a job that doesn't stress us out, regular alone time, and try to keep up a certain level of reciprocity with NTs we have to see regularly. I've had 2 jobs of 12 and 14 & counting years. That is stable but as you can imagine has it's downside too. If I could have a do-over, I'd get a career like doctor, nurse, radiologist, etc so I could leave every so many years & start over somewhere else. And a 4 day work week. That's my two bits! WP is a comfort to me - glad for every new and not-quite-new member.

I agree to all of what you said.if i had a do over i would have loved to get into any of the sciences,it seemed to come naturaly and schooling put terms to what i seemed to know already (for the most part)

Yeah I am fairly proud about the drinking thing, it's been over 2 years now You will find too that it takes some adjusting to sober living, even from weed.

Have you thought about counselling at all? Maybe not now but in the future. When I see my therapist I feel a little saner everytime I come out. I may be all over the place the rest of the time but I am making slow progress. When you aren't using drugs or alcohol to escape and actually face things we find difficult then things just get better and better. But don't worry about fixing everything straight away, just take each day as it comes x

Wow ,two years thats quite impressive and your only fairly proud,you should be extremely proud,especialy since you started at a young age.maybe your just being modest.
Things have been easier,ive been going biking more,i went to canadian tire which is a nice ride,maybe 30-45min round trip,and i always bring my trailer.it gives me more resistance a place to my stuff and any scrap metal i find on the way.i should have realized everything would be closed today though.gonna try to ride at least once a day.
I am supposed to eventualy see a psycologist or specialist in the field,not sure.i dont have much info.but it could take up to a year.it might be because there are a lot of people around here that i feel need it way more than me.
I am warming up to the idea,i would like to know if i have hfa or not.im still not sure,a definite answer would be nice.i cant help but feel that others have it way worse than i.
What kind of things do you talk about with a therapist?
Edit:not specificaly about your case just curious to what goes on

Glad you're keeping busy

You can talk about whatever you want with your therapist. I talk about things I am having difficulty with, mainly relationships at the moment, but we will be moving on to work and general functioning stuff. I feel like he just lets me know if I am doing things right or not, and lets me know if it is an aspie trait sometimes if I am confused about how people are responding to me. Mainly I think it is just about accepting myself the way I am, and he gives me the confidence to do that. I always found if I asked questions of friends that they would just say I don't know or think it is a silly question, but I never get that from my therapist. It is a definitely a comfort zone. You have to find the right person though, I have seen a few before this that I didn't click with and that didn't do my confidence any good.

Ok that doesnt seem too bad.still its going to be tough if it ever happens.