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Rocket123
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20 Apr 2014, 10:19 pm

I was walking my dog the other night. It was quite dark. The wind started to blow and I heard a sharp cracking sound next to me. I jumped and felt fear crawl throughout my body. It was, thankfully, nothing.

Though, it did remind me of a couple of things.
- First, it reminded me of how sensitive I am to unexpected sounds. And, how strongly I react to them.
- Second, it reminded me of how infrequently I feel such raw emotion.

It then occurred to me, that maybe I purposely control my emotions. That maybe this was something I learned when I was little to curtail such reactions (particularly in a public/social setting).

I remember when I was young (probably starting in middle school, but maybe earlier), trying to maintain a “flat” affect. In order to control such reactions. So, people didn’t know how I really felt (particularly when I was nervous or scared).

I am simply wondering if there are others here who experience the same. Also, I am curious if this is common in Aspies or whether this is a sign of some other disorder. Thanks.



cathylynn
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20 Apr 2014, 10:39 pm

it's not a sign of any disorder. it's a common coping mechanism and is especially expected of American males. I do it when my boss tells me to do something I don't want to do. I act like I'm okay with it. doing this is no problem unless you can't express emotion when you want to or you do it so much (without allowing healthy expression through something like exercise) you give yourself a stomach ulcer.



auntblabby
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20 Apr 2014, 10:40 pm

I cannot hide my fears or sadness or angers. I wear them on my sleeves so to speak. I cannot act otherwise or put on a stoic/brave face. I yam what I yam. the closest I get to the flat affect is when I am in "deer in headlights" mode in the face of impending danger.



MjrMajorMajor
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20 Apr 2014, 11:10 pm

I try to, but not very well sometimes. I grew up with the refrain "quit crying, or I'll give you something to cry about" so I do tend to wall in negative emotions. There's also an expectation with maturity to be able to regulate your emotional state, so I do my best. :shrug:



auntblabby
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20 Apr 2014, 11:17 pm

I got that "i'll give you something to really cry about" also but that didn't work for me and after a while my dad would just say "you're just like a goddamned girl!" in disgust.



Marky9
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20 Apr 2014, 11:27 pm

Today I was reflecting on something along these lines.

- I cope with past resentments and anxieties about the future by reframing my thoughts.
- Carried too far, I essentially deny my emotions and suppress my experience of life.
- This can then lead to dissociation, depersonalization, and sometimes even derealization.

There have been times that I almost push myself into a near-zombie state due to excessive repressing of emotions. I need to do better and finding and acting upon healthy (or at least non-damaging) ways to honor my emotions and give them expression.



auntblabby
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20 Apr 2014, 11:34 pm

Marky9 wrote:
Today I was reflecting on something along these lines.

- I cope with past resentments and anxieties about the future by reframing my thoughts.
- Carried too far, I essentially deny my emotions and suppress my experience of life.
- This can then lead to dissociation, depersonalization, and sometimes even derealization.

There have been times that I almost push myself into a near-zombie state due to excessive repressing of emotions. I need to do better and finding and acting upon healthy (or at least non-damaging) ways to honor my emotions and give them expression.

there are people in my aspie group who do the same thing. so I guess there is a trend there.



Rocket123
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20 Apr 2014, 11:39 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Marky9 wrote:
Today I was reflecting on something along these lines.

- I cope with past resentments and anxieties about the future by reframing my thoughts.
- Carried too far, I essentially deny my emotions and suppress my experience of life.
- This can then lead to dissociation, depersonalization, and sometimes even derealization.

There have been times that I almost push myself into a near-zombie state due to excessive repressing of emotions. I need to do better and finding and acting upon healthy (or at least non-damaging) ways to honor my emotions and give them expression.

there are people in my aspie group who do the same thing. so I guess there is a trend there.


Just curious...

1. Is this repressing of emotion something we are born with? Or is it a learned behavior (for, essentially, self-preservation)?
2. Is the so-called "flat" affect tied to this?
3. Do we repress the emotions, because of sensory overload?



auntblabby
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20 Apr 2014, 11:42 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
1. Is this repressing of emotion something we are born with? Or is it a learned behavior (for, essentially, self-preservation)?
2. Is the so-called "flat" affect tied to this?
3. Do we repress the emotions, because of sensory overload?

1]- some nature, some nurture [or lack thereof]. for more insight, google the story of genie. very very sad. :cry:
2]- in my case, probably. but your mileage may vary.
3]- sometimes. again, your mileage may vary.



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20 Apr 2014, 11:51 pm

It took me a long time to learn to suppress my emotions, and by "suppress" I mean for instance just being able to hold back some tears long enough not to cry in front of other people, or to not cuss someone out the instant they pissed me off. That is ADHD lack of inhibition, and to hear Russell Barkley talk about it, it's a good thing to be able to suppress emotion, and it is something that people with frontal lobe disinhibition have trouble with. So from that perspective it's more of a problem if you can't suppress emotion.

I can be stoic in some situations, but it's not a deliberate choice, like when my mother had a heart attack and almost died I was very unemotional about it because I was in shock. But very shortly I got sick and that was how my body handled the emotional turmoil. Too much emotional suppression can lead to physical illness.



MjrMajorMajor
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21 Apr 2014, 6:09 am

Flat affect is different from emotional suppression. It's about those emotions not translating in the accepted physical manner, but it's not the same as stoicism.



Marky9
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21 Apr 2014, 8:11 am

Rocket123 wrote:
1. Is this repressing of emotion something we are born with? Or is it a learned behavior (for, essentially, self-preservation)?
2. Is the so-called "flat" affect tied to this?
3. Do we repress the emotions, because of sensory overload?


1. For me it is largely learned as a means of self-preservation. It works great most of the time; it is only when over-applied that it becomes maladaptive for me.

2. I'm sure it presents as flat affect, but I think that term really refers to something more pervasive.

3. I can fall into it if I spend too long in a sensory overload setting and start to shutdown. But I am more specifically referring to where I am having trouble with a lot of resentment or anxiety and I my brain becomes overloaded with both those negative thoughts and with my constant efforts to reframe or replace them.



Sylvastor
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21 Apr 2014, 8:57 am

Funny, I wanted to open such a thread as well but then I noticed this one.

I control my emotions as well.
It can be very useful. It allows me to talk about polarising topics with less bias (and it seems like my calm attitude gets certain kinds of people angry in such discussions :lol:).

I'm not sure whether I learnt it or not, but it wouldn't sound all too farfetched as I was bullied in school, so maybe I subconsciously found out that no readable emotional reaction for the bullies get them nowhere ("emotions = weakness").

I can express emotions though.
Often I do so in private as that's where I feel most comfortable or when with someone I knew very well/trust (in such a case also in public). I also suppress them in stressful situations (don't have to do anything during emergency situations though, I just "function well" then and am all calm, I don't know why, but it's surely much better than be one of those who run around in panic and do nothing) and sometimes I become very reserved and detached from my environment when too much is going on as some sort of reaction to an overload.

However, at times when I expect an emotion and I don't get the desired result in expressing, I start to wonder if I "harmed" myself with suppressive behaviour or whether I just put my expectations too high (luckily that's still a rare case).

Example: I succeed with something and afterwards I get an "unsatisfying" feeling of happiness (as if it just doesn't get out although I would want it to).

Another issues I know (which is more frequent) with not being able to let it out is when I badly need it to feel relief.
Example: I am extremely sad but inable to cry and it all remains bottled up making me just feel more miserable. I think that this is because I actively suppressed negative emotions (not letting them surface) in the past and somehow do so automatically now. :?
Useful in public situations, absolutely useless in private though.

So maybe it is a combination of an occasional "natural suppression" and a learnt control of the suppression so I can trigger it when I need it? Or maybe I had just better conditions to learn suppressing them.

I don't know. :roll:


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devark
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21 Apr 2014, 12:35 pm

I can't control them very well, but hiding them is like flipping a switch for me.


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SaulGoodeXL
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21 Apr 2014, 2:31 pm

I usually don't feel emotional about anything (both my brothers are sociopaths) right up until something flicks a switch in me then I become an emotional wreck, It's one extreme or the other.


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21 Apr 2014, 2:39 pm

devark wrote:
I can't control them very well, but hiding them is like flipping a switch for me.


same.