Why can everyone just pretend to be happy?

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I know that I have asked similar questions before, where I have asked why it would be wrong to expect our partner to 'change' his/her personality/looks when they are around you, but I was wondering, what happens if you can't 'get' a partner that is 'right' for you?

The reason why I ask this is not because I'm someone who'll only go out with a Playboy Model, but rather that I'm quite ticked off by some (but not all) of the traits that some women with AS and other conditions display.

The main one for me, and this goes for everyone I choose to mingle with, not just partners, I negativity.

That is talking about things which upset you, mainly being treated unfairly, or doing so and not letting me or someone else solve the problem for them, or indeed solving it themselves.

I'm OK with people talking about illness or pets, friends or relatives dying, as those or (normally) things which are natural and happen to more or less everyone, or indeed negative stuff, in some (but not all) works of fiction.

Also I do not like people telling me pessimistic viewpoints or facts about life, as they are negative.

This is not the same as not letting people tell me things that I do not agree with, as there are many views I'm quite happy to hear that are not my own, its just the negativity I can't cope with.

So whenever I get know someone, I tell them this, and while some are quite happy to accommodate, others have a big chip on their shoulders about 'censuring' themselves.

The reason why I'm putting this down is because I am sick and tired of hearing people openly expressing their negative views and experiences on this site, which I hardly go on nowadays for this very reason, and I would like for everyone who reads this to tell everyone on this site to stop putting negative stuff up, particularly on the Forums I go on.

They are as follows.

TV, Film and Video

Art, Music and writing

If the nature of the posts is negative then I think it would be a good idea to put a warning up on the forums and threads to keep people like myself away from them, just like the way Egmont put a message in their edition of Tintin in the Congo to warn people about the racist jokes in it.

Cheers

LOL No offense, but this post seems to pretty well fit your description of a negative post!

And you didn't warn us! /faint

Also, you might want to rethink your use of the word "Negative." What does that actually mean?
If it's like behavioral stuff that might mean making a blank post, with no words or content at all.

What are "negative" facts?
Is it "positive," talking about things that upset a person if they DO let you help them?
How is illness or death of pets, friends or family "positive?" (non negative)
And what exactly is "pessimistic viewpoints or facts," how do you know it isn't true, and therefore may be difficult to call it pessimistic.

The point I'm trying to make is that it certainly seems like these are your definitions that you apply after someone has said something and depends completely upon how the talk makes you feel. And if these things make you feel ikky then you call it "negative."
This isn't fair to yourself or to others.

Let me mention three things about women you'll want to remember.
1. Women are different than men.
2. No matter how annoying it is to anyone, women menstruate, you cannot yell at them until they stop doing it. (trust me)
3. Women process their stuff differently than men, they talk their own way through it, if they want you to solve something they'll tell you to go fix it (quite rudely usually imo), otherwise the only way you can be supportive is to validate their thinking processes as they go through it.

This last drives men crazy because men use "complaining" as asking for advice, other men understand this and usually keep their mouth shut until a man complains, then they jump in to help, because they're being asked to.
A woman is not a man they use "complaining" as a way to get it out of their system, offering solutions interrupts this process and make them feel like we're trying to get them to shut up about their problem which they interpret as us not caring about them.
When a man is annoyed about something (women can sense this easily) but isn't yet ready to ask for help, we find it very annoying if they say, "Oh honey, do you want to talk about it?"
"No I don't want to talk about it, I wanna fix it!"

My advice to you is:
1. Try to figure out how to cope when people say things that make you feel ikky, because it's never going to stop.
2. Try to figure out how to cope when women are upset, because that's never going to stop either.

I also urge you to notice that you just asked everyone on WrongPlanet to tell everyone else on WrongPlanert not to post anything that you might not want to read.
Can you understand how amazingly self centered that just came across?

Why don't you pretend to be happy?

Lead by example!

lol .. no offense.

BUT LOL

Go away and don't let the door hit your bum on the way out if you don't like it.. it's the way it is. You have the power to stop coming here.

*walks off muttering about absolute fools*

Well, for some of us the glass is half full, and for others it's half empty. Personally, I'm a glass half full kind of guy, though it's half full of a congealing, fetid substance in which swim two or three cigarette butts, and is presently being held by a man who has anger issues and is about to break it over my head because I looked at him 'funny'.

But yes. It brings me no pleasure to inform you that the world won't do what you want it to just because you want it to. The best any of us can do is navigate it as wisely and sanely as possible.

People talk about things that upset them because they want to be heard - the response they're looking for will vary (sympathy, support, advice, help, recognition of the problem) but what unites them is the need to convey and be heard and, I think, to better understand themselves what the problem is.

Perhaps, as noted, you could take your own advice and not be such a negative nellie.

What annoys me most about his post is the pompous manner he distributes his dictations in, as though actually expecting people to give even half a damn about wanting to fix what he's complaining about.

Sure, forums could use less whiners (like the people in L&D) and angry people (like me), but no, it's not your right to expect the world to bend over backwards for you.

How can you be angry! You're an ice cream cone that has a job as a Walrus!
That's awesome. (I'm so jealous)

Normally I am happy, most of the rest of the time I pretend.

I now know that the post may have seemed negative to some of those reading it, but I felt that it wasn't as I was presenting a solution to the problem instead of just talking about the problem itself.

With regards to things that cannot be avoided I'm OK with them (they don't make me happy, but at the same time they don't make me upset) as I feel that I do not need to do anything about them.

With regards to my possibly leaving Wrong Planet I am considering it and I have left it alone in the past for this selfsame reason, but I'm not 100% sure if I should do it permanently .

With regards to my asking that people 'censure' themselves I did not mean that people could not talk about their issues, but rather that they put a disclaimer (with regards to this site) warning people who may be sensitive away from the post/thread if it contains infomation they may not want to hear/read about.

After all when Egmont published 'Tintin in the Congo' in 2005 they put a warning in the introduction that the book contained racist depictions of black people (the story was first published in 1931) and did not make any changes to the pictures or the text (barring translating it from French into English) which gave out the impression that if you yourself found such things offensive, then you were not to read/buy that book.

It is my belief that the media should be allowed to say what they want, just so long as they put warnings up regarding the content.

Sometimes it's self explicit in the titles (eg 'I hate my dad') but at other times it looks quite innocent until one starts reading it.

Thank you for reading this and sorry if I offended any of you.

PS It must be stated that in my very first post on Wrong Planet I asked that no one give me any negativity in my threads, but I have seen it done at least once,

'Cause bitching is fun and stops me from killing people.

You do realise that noone actually cares about this? Noone is going to do what you say.

ikr, especially since he's a relative noob who shouldn't even care in the first place, let alone telling people on here to do what he wants.

It's too exhausting to pretend to be happy.I'm not going to do that for anyone.
Why would you want someone to pretend?Then you will never know when they are really happy.i don't want someone to fake happiness.

So everyone on the site should cater to what one poster likes and just stop talking about anything negative because you don't like it?

Sorry but due to the nature of this site I am quite certain people will continue to talk about things that upset them such as being treated unfairly, and potentially not being in the process of doing much about it.....sometimes there isn't much one can immediately do in their situation. Also much of the time its not possible to solve someone elses problems through the internet advice can be left then the poster has every right to take it or leave it.

While some of us have friends/family to talk to and maybe even therapists and what not, some don't and this might be the only place they have to discuss these things and get support. Aside from that though I'd prefer to vent on a forum then around friends/family who would be stuck listening to it and won't have the option to think to themselves 'next' and go to to a different thread.

Your request is just a wee bit ridiculous, perhaps it would be better if you pay more attention to forum topics....if a topic looks negative, don't click it. If you click one that doesn't appear like it will be negative then close it and go to a different thread. No one is forcing you to read every post, or respond....and people here should not be banned from talking about negative things over one poster not liking it. I have anxiety, depression and PTSD....don't think it is really within my ability to pretend to be 'happy' I am somewhat content sometimes though and talk about lots of things besides negative stuff.

I am sure there are more positivity oriented sites, maybe it would be worth looking into those.

I would bet that the OP is being ironic.

Didn't you essentially already say this in your last post?

No one is ever going to get a partner that is totally right for them. It's just not going to happen.
Enjoy what people do have to offer and dont worry about what they don't.


It's rude to try to solve someone else's problems.


Sometimes talking about the problem leads to unexpected solutions.


The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.