Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

jAlw
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

15 May 2014, 7:45 am

Hello there,

My name is James, I'd like to say firstly that I don't have a high opinion of myself and wouldn't call myself a good person at all.

It starts like this, when I was in primary school I got taken out of my class and put in what I call the 'Yellow' room. A room for people with learning difficulties.
After a time I was diagnosed with mild Asperger's syndrome a form of Autism. A developmental disability in social interaction is what a 2002 cyclopedia calls it, people with severe Autism need proper support and hardly live independent lives. I feel this absence from my peers at such an early age set me back a very long way. Not only a developmental disability, but an isolated one as well.

In high school, which was very good in terms of having fun, although if I really was autistic I was also extremely hyperactive during those years and a bit of a class clown also. I was a low grade student. So I'd advise not to muck around too much in school if you want to have a career or something like that. Choose to do it somewhere else would be best.

College was a bore, I was learning Visual Basic in B-TEC college. Which is a college for students in the lowest classes in high school I suppose, it still offers very good learning capabilities. I didn't want to program through Visual Basic though, because I noticed next door students were in Linux classes and spending time in terminal windows seemed like more fun than say the nonsense I was learning here.

After college I developed social anxiety that plagues a lot of people who get put on the Autistic spectrum, so going out was in spits and spurts. I spent clean years inside my house on my computer. I had friends so they would come to my home for dinner and to watch movies and play games etc. It wasn't all bad.

Without being crude I also spent years addicted to masturbation which is slowly dwindling now, most specifically pornography. Porn isn't bad when in moderation but for some it can lead to unhealthy outlooks so looking after mental health is the number one priority. Because I spent years in doors my social skills diminished, which is a natural thing to happen to anybody because I wasn't the type that even likes to communicate with people on the internet. I played online games though like counter strike and Ragnarok but only in a single minded sense.

In these years I noticed OCD behavior happening, I was obsessed with how my computer would work, I constantly would find ways to speed up my computer even though it was working correctly. I'd get annoyed because a GUI window would show an outline before it showed it's complete form. I feel it's because I got a LCD screen as a present, my old monitor was a LG CRT 85hz. I'd have OCD about how certain things wasn't as smooth, forgetting that there completely different technologies etc.

My OCD continued with checking doors and cleaning my hands all the time, had OCD about the acoustic guitar tuning, I would re tune it over and over again thinking it was wrong and if other people would hear it they'd laugh because each string was out by half a cent or so.

In 2009 I managed to go on holiday to Spain, Alicante to visit my family there. It wasn't as bad as I made it out to be when I was there and going again in 2010 also wasn't bad until I was in a restaurant in the Arenal area, that's in a plaza type place. I thought the south Americans had poisoned my Lasagne, I insisted others would have a bite first, not in a nasty way mind you. They said it tasted nice and deep down I knew the idea was absurd so I finished it. On the return journey on the plane I thought also that the stewards and stewardesses were terrorists. This is shocking because it is outside of a healthy persons way of thinking.

All these thoughts seem to get weaker when I focused my mind on something else.
I did take up meditation and as you all know if you don't do it right, that is if you don't focus on a object for concentration you will start to day dream. It would be a waste of time to meditate without knowing how to do it properly.
I wanted to become this great teacher or something, so I was suffering from delusions back then?
I did get into some good meditative states but they were rare.

I still had my masturbation addiction, I think I did too much then one day I developed an anxiety disorder or something. I've never experienced anything like it, it was like the world was made out of plastic and people who walked by me seem to slow down, although that was only on some bad days. When I walked it felt like I was swaying. Then suddenly I didn't want to go to bed at night, it felt like a nightmare to go to sleep. I wasn't scared when I developed this anxiety I, because I hadn't experienced it before.

I also had depression with it I think because the world literally drained of colour, it was like all the saturation had turned down. Was cool or stupid I don't know.

I'd like to call it a drug induced self psychosis? But not using any drugs just my mind and body.

Everything I read or watched would seem to connect back to my previous couple of hours and form weird connections and s**t like that, I've heard its called delusions of reference. Watching the television was extremely hard because of it, like 'There looking right at me' kind of thing, I just avoided it. It naturally made me angry and I've been angry in front of it. The same with the internet also. When I focus on something else after a couple of days the feeling fades a little.

I'd write something and feel I was the next best writer, or draw and feel like the best artist, I'd think in my head and feel like I was genius or something which I knew is absurd.

Has anyone suffered from these symptoms whilst in an episode?

Sorry if this post went strange, I just don't have the words to know functionally what I've experienced other than chemical imbalances in the brain. I'm not keen on taking medication because of various ideas about them.

Thanks for reading.

Take care.



Girlwithaspergers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,320
Location: USA

15 May 2014, 10:56 am

We can't make a diagnosis on Wrong Planet, but you sound a lot like me and I have Aspergers, GAD, and ADHD.

My doc says OCD symptoms and paranoia are from anxiety.



Minionkitty
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 127
Location: Gru's Lab

15 May 2014, 11:11 am

I can't diagnose you, but the delusions sound like me off medicine a bit. I thought the tv was talking to me, that my meds were poison, that people were following me, etc. I'm diagnosed Schizoaffective. But you are missing hallucinations, so I'm not sure a doctor would confidently be able to diagnose you with Schizophrenia. If it has lasted a long time and interferes with your life, maybe Psychosis Disorder NOS. But again, I can't diagnose anything, I am not a doctor.


_________________
AQ: 39 ---- RAADS-R: 187.0
Nonverbal Learning Disorder; diagnosed September 2010
Schizoaffective disorder; diagnosed December 2012
ASD/Asperger's Syndrome traits; diagnosed August 2014
IQ 120
(Diagnosed using the DSM-IV, not DSM-5)


beneficii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2005
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,245

15 May 2014, 2:34 pm

Minionkitty wrote:
I can't diagnose you, but the delusions sound like me off medicine a bit. I thought the tv was talking to me, that my meds were poison, that people were following me, etc. I'm diagnosed Schizoaffective. But you are missing hallucinations, so I'm not sure a doctor would confidently be able to diagnose you with Schizophrenia. If it has lasted a long time and interferes with your life, maybe Psychosis Disorder NOS. But again, I can't diagnose anything, I am not a doctor.


You don't need hallucinations for a schizophrenia diagnosis, but if you have delusions, then generally you need at least one other symptom than delusions to qualify for a diagnosis, for either schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder (which share the same Criterion A in the DSM), unless those delusions are bizarre (but DSM-5 removes this exception). However, if it is difficult to assess delusions and hallucinations over the Internet, then it is very difficult to assess the other symptoms that can be used for diagnosis: disorganized speech (generally, when you write, especially on the Internet, you can kinda cover up the disorganized speech by constantly looking back at what you've written and keeping following that, so they need to get you in person engaging in spontaneous interaction to confirm the presence of this symptom), disorganized behavior, and negative symptoms (blunted affect, asociality, avolition, etc.).

Basically, OP, you need to see a psychiatrist for a proper workup.


_________________
"You have a responsibility to consider all sides of a problem and a responsibility to make a judgment and a responsibility to care for all involved." --Ian Danskin


Minionkitty
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 127
Location: Gru's Lab

15 May 2014, 2:37 pm

beneficii wrote:
Minionkitty wrote:
I can't diagnose you, but the delusions sound like me off medicine a bit. I thought the tv was talking to me, that my meds were poison, that people were following me, etc. I'm diagnosed Schizoaffective. But you are missing hallucinations, so I'm not sure a doctor would confidently be able to diagnose you with Schizophrenia. If it has lasted a long time and interferes with your life, maybe Psychosis Disorder NOS. But again, I can't diagnose anything, I am not a doctor.


You don't need hallucinations for a schizophrenia diagnosis, but if you have delusions, then generally you need at least one other symptom than delusions to qualify for a diagnosis, for either schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder (which share the same Criterion A in the DSM), unless those delusions are bizarre (but DSM-5 removes this exception). However, if it is difficult to assess delusions and hallucinations over the Internet, then it is very difficult to assess the other symptoms that can be used for diagnosis: disorganized speech (generally, when you write, especially on the Internet, you can kinda cover up the disorganized speech by constantly looking back at what you've written and keeping following that, so they need to get you in person engaging in spontaneous interaction to confirm the presence of this symptom), disorganized behavior, and negative symptoms (blunted affect, asociality, avolition, etc.).

Basically, OP, you need to see a psychiatrist for a proper workup.

Sorry, just going by what one of my doctors once told me. Although I do agree, you need to see a psychiatrist to be diagnosed.


_________________
AQ: 39 ---- RAADS-R: 187.0
Nonverbal Learning Disorder; diagnosed September 2010
Schizoaffective disorder; diagnosed December 2012
ASD/Asperger's Syndrome traits; diagnosed August 2014
IQ 120
(Diagnosed using the DSM-IV, not DSM-5)


B19
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,993
Location: New Zealand

15 May 2014, 4:57 pm

You seem in touch with reality and I can't see any schizo stuff in what you wrote OP



jAlw
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

17 May 2014, 5:30 am

Thanks for all the replies. I was thinking delusional disorder also, it is not like the delusions can out smart you. There kind of annoying is all, I've heard the beliefs get pushed into the unconscious mind, which is probably why they can't be eradicated without heavy medication. Unless a doc wants to visit you in a dream or something to solve the issue.

I've experienced one auditory hallucination if I remember, that's all. It was just calling out my name, like a lot of auditory hallucinations that I've read you literally get up and start looking, searching for the source of the sound. Very creepy. I've experienced garbled voices whilst falling asleep but everyone can get those as they drift off. I'm not a doctor to know this stuff, but seeing one in the future is good advice.

Thanks for the help.