How do I ask a girl out I only just met?

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Brianruns10
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15 Aug 2014, 6:01 pm

So during my lunch break the other day I went out for a walk, and encountered a coworker having lunch outside with a pair of his friends. I wound up joining them. One of his friends was an incredibly cute girl, and I was instantly smitten. I really want to see her again or ask her out, but how? She works for a different company so I won't encounter her casually. My friend and I tried to get a game night together with a group of people, and she was invited, but had to decline because she's busy this weekend.

But man i get so anxious because I'm afraid if I wait or play it slow, somebody else will beat me to it like has happened so many times before. I wanna go for it! But how? How do I ask her out in a plausible, gentlemanly way? I don't have her number, only her email. Do I email her? Maybe ask her to lunch and a movie? What do I do? How do I do it, so I don't mess up?



aspiemike
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15 Aug 2014, 6:14 pm

Consider this an option right now and just wait and see if you bump into her again. I'd keep away from e-mailing her if she doesn't know or expect that you would e-mail her. Only considering asking her out if you get to know her a little more the next time you meet.


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TheNinjaSquid
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15 Aug 2014, 6:20 pm

I would say there two possible ways of action, you ask some one for her contact data and approach here your self or you ask some one who knows here better to act as some sort of gobetween to ask her if she would be intrested in going out with you, or if you can call her.

Her attraction won't greatly depend on how you establish contact.



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15 Aug 2014, 7:45 pm

If you have her email address, go for it, and send her an email asking her if she'd like to go out some time.

One of three things will happen. Either she will ignore you and never reply, or she will write back saying yes, or she will write back saying no.

Unless you send the email, you'll never find out. :)



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15 Aug 2014, 8:13 pm

You could email her - or get her number off your friend. I would check with your friend that she's single first.



Stargazer43
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15 Aug 2014, 8:28 pm

E-mailing sounds like a terrible idea to me.



Brianruns10
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15 Aug 2014, 8:49 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
E-mailing sounds like a terrible idea to me.


It's not ideal for me either, but right now it's my only option, because I don't know how or if ever I'll bump into her again. It was really happenstance, but I really want to get to know her better.

My mutual friend said I should just go for it and email her. But I see where you're coming from too.

If not email, how else do you think I might try to reach out to her?



modernmax
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15 Aug 2014, 8:55 pm

You don't. If you just met her, talk to her and get to know her more. You have no idea who each other is, so you could hate everything about her but her looks and vice versa. Talk to her more first, even if by email or phone.

P.S. Congratulations on 1000 posts.


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yellowtamarin
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15 Aug 2014, 8:59 pm

The email method has worked for me in the past (both the sender and receiver), if it's all you've got, I think it's a better idea than potentially seeming a bit creepy by finding another method like getting her phone number. I assume she knows you have her email address? I'd just send a brief, casual message saying it was nice to meet you the other day, feel like grabbing a coffee?



sacrip
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15 Aug 2014, 9:42 pm

Don't do anything in a hurry. A girl isn't like the last box of Fruit Loops on the shelf you have to grab before it's gone. For one thing, it's just as likely she IS dating someone now and maybe down the road she'd be available, so asking her too soon wouldn't work. For another, racing against the clock leads you to make poor decisions and say awkward things. Trust me, I know.

I'm curious how you got her email in the first place. Did she offer it to you, or did you ask her for it? If she offered it to you, then I see no problem in emailing her and asking to go out for coffee or something. If you asked her for it, or you looked it up, then I'd be more cautious, since she may only have given it to you out of politeness.


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Brianruns10
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15 Aug 2014, 10:29 pm

She didn't offer her email to me specifically, but I was on an email chain. Part of a group of three or four including her, trying to get a game night together (board games). But she couldn't come to the game night, and I don't know if/when I'll ever see her again. So it can't exactly talk to her. My problem is I WANT to talk to her, but how? Unless I ask her out. And since I've got her contact info...

I am afraid if I don't act quickly I could miss out, if she is available. Because I've blown it too many times in the past, because I wasn't proactive enough. I just know cute girls like her aren't available long, if ever. Now could be my only chance. Do I take it and email her?



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16 Aug 2014, 3:10 am

Well, with my first girlfriend it worked out contacting her via email. I knew her from university because we had some classes together. When I decided that I wanted to get to know her more, I was too shy to ask her directly. Luckily, I could obtain her email adress. We started exchanging some emails and started meeting eachother shortly after.

But I also had another experience where I started writing emails with someone I knew from university and it turned out that she had a boyfriend.

If this girl likes you, she will be happy to get an email from you. If not, not writing an email won't change this. So my advice is to just write her an email to say hello.



Brianruns10
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17 Aug 2014, 9:39 am

Caution be damned, I emailed her asking her to lunch and/or a movie! At the end of the day it was my only shot, didn't know when I'd see her again or find a more opportune time. Gotta grab these opportunities any way I can if I'm gong to find the person who'll change my life! :)

Keeping fingers crossed and praying to any deity that'll listen (or pledging my mortal soul to the Devil) that this time something will happen...



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17 Aug 2014, 5:12 pm

I don't know the exat wording of the actual Roosevelt quote but it was something like that in a critical moment it is better to do wrong thing than nothing at all.

So good luck, may the gods of victory, love and nachos be with you.



Brianruns10
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18 Aug 2014, 4:58 pm

Well nothing earth shattering to report. She didn't go for it. Said she wasn't looking to date right now, which I respect.

I'm gonna keep trying. Someday I'll find somebody.



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18 Aug 2014, 8:19 pm

Awwww, at least you tried. And at least you got a response, which was nice of her.