Reading Other's Emotions/thoughts

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Is it possible to learn how to do this? What about with specific people/emotions?

Officially, I don't have autism. One of the reasons was that I showed insight into other's thoughts, but I got those ideas (what an abuser might feel about the situation) from reading online. Much of my understanding of these things are theoretical - I'm very good at spouting off a range of examples of what someone could feel about x.

Otherwise, I have many autistic traits attributed to other causes. My diagnostic profile is a mess, curtesy of many years of abuse. But after a few years of treatment, my severe anxiety, etc has lessened but my autism-like traits have remained.

Several people have suggested I might have AS, but I point out that I've been assessed not to have it and that everybody has some traits but that doesn't mean they have autism (my wife says "yes, and some people have more traits than others").

At the end of August I have a series of assessment sessions for a psychological intervention service and whenever I have these meetings I tend to forget the symptoms I have so I've been collecting things in a list over the last few weeks and reading some diagnostic criteria to see where I meet symptoms - as it's meant to me a comprehensive, whole picture assessment.

My psychologist was anti-diagnosis in general (and until I moved and made it difficult to access services, I was happy with this) but the new service have said that they believe diagnoses are helpful, however they mainly specialise in personality disorders (which I and other therapists I have seen don't believe I have). I'm a little worried about what they will make of me.

From my understanding of Theory of Mind, as well as my own observations:

1. I 'people-watch' a lot in order to have a mental library of emotional reactions and what they represent.

2. With those I observe a situation to look for the same expressions, words, phrases, etc.

3. From that I'm able to form an opinion on what a person is feeling or might be thinking, if I know the person then past behaviour patterns are also taken into consideration.

4. The end result is mostly correct, but it's very tiring which is another reason I find social interaction is hard.

I'm not sure if this is common and what NT people do, or whether that's a normal way of Aperger's thinking. It's what I've always done and the only way I can tell the emotional state and possible behaviour of a person. I would actually appreciate input from any other diagnosed people on the above points.

Moving on to your third point; my diagnostic profile is also a 'mess'. Abuse and other factors. It's important to remember parental input for diagnosis as often areas of behaviour will be observed in childhood, however. The reason there is a spectrum is because no person is the same, I'm able to cope reasonably well in a social situation whereas other people may not be able to have a conversation. On the other hand I'm very sensitive to touch and other areas.

If you feel you have Autism, Asperger's or fit anywhere on the spectrum, I suggest you complete the AQ test. It's only short and can be done from home - you can then discuss the results and, if required, request a referral for diagnosis.

Also please don't forget that it's very possible, and common, to have multiple psychiatric disorders in conjunction with a neuro-developmental 'disorder'. Don't be put off.

I am curious about this all too and would like to know how other people with very solid official diagnoses think.

I can really relate to most of the above. Sometimes it is almost natural but I get very tired. I had very little sense of how other people thought or felt until I started getting into "social trouble" in sixth and seventh and eighth grade. I also had a major OCD breakdown from changing from a very small school to a public school at eighth grade. Up until then I though other people were stupid and silly and childish, especially other girls with their boy obsessions, flirting, and obsessions with sex. That's when I started piecing things together. I'd see other girls doing things I felt weird doing and them being able to comfort other girls; I thought the reasons they were crying were dumb, but didn't want to be mean or careless because I wanted to be a "caring" person and I try to be a Christian. This failure along with the OCD I had, I thought that I was some sort of sociopath or psychopath. I have had periods of extreme emotional empathy and then periods where I have to work really hard for it; it's more balanced now. My understanding of others has its basis mostly from fiction reading (like novels and things) and from what others said to me in college when I would say something judgmental or things my husband says to me about what I think and feel about other people. It hurts to hear those things. I don't know if this all is normal or not.

I am self-identified but also my counselor thinks I have it. My most recent RDOS is 158\56. I have taken it several times because I want to see how the results change with different moods, either feeling very extroverted or feeling "people tired." My signature is not updated with this score and because I want to attach my signature I feel like I am lying if I don't post this other score and it's too much right now to go change that signature.

Thank you for your replies. I hope others can reply and weigh in this question.

I'm definitely a people-watcher. I once spent a year reading online forums and blog comments to ascertain which phrases were most successful in conversation.

My AQ has varied over the last few years depending on how stressed I am and how I feel about answering* but have always been over the threshold.

I've already the Dissociative Experiences Scale to take with me and worry that if I turn up with anything else they'll think me a hypochondriac.

*I'm not a fan of self-scored scales, and refuse to do most that are numbered. Even Likert scales with phrases frustrate me because they're based entirely on perception.

Emotions=/=thoughts
I am fairly good at getting people's thoughts; but I can't get their emotions at all.
Thoughts and emotions don't always coincide.
A person might think "I hate them" and act like they hated someone; but they may actually love that person.

For me it's not the ability to do it, more the speed. I can do it when emailing someone but not as well while speaking with them. I need a few extra minutes to process all those knotty cues. Many times I've left an exchange and texted someone all the stuff I should have said while I was chatting with them but couldn't access at the time. I just go blank sometimes.

Oh... nevermind. I thought you meant another kind of mind reading.

I am not good at figuring out other people's thoughts.

Figuring out other people's emotions is much easier. I think that I tend to at least get a general sense of what people are feeling in broad categories, as long as it shows in their face, their voice, their breathing, or their movement -- and with people I know well and have known for a long time, I do better. I think that when I'm paying close attention to someone, I'm very sensitive to nonverbals (at least as long as I'm not trying too hard to follow and understand their words...I often give up on the words because it becomes a lost cause).

I do get mixed up sometimes -- I might easily see that someone is feeling something different because their baseline nonverbals have changed, but I can't always figure out what kind of change it is, and I may not be able to differentiate between feelings or states-of-being that share somewhat similar nonverbals even when I can come up with guesses.

Guessing at or understanding something about the reasons for someone's feelings is another story -- it's much harder....but still not as hard as figuring out people's thoughts.

There are times I think I can understand or know what someone else may be feeling. But most of the time I'm wrong. I do understand and feel for someone when they hurt themselves. I can relate to pain. I can't relate to my mother when she cries because I asked her if she had Living Will or get's mad because I don't call her every week. Even at 43 yrs old there are many things I just don't understand. I have no good examples because allot of times I don't even know what others are thinking.