great video for guys having hard times getting dates.

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Patrick64
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22 Aug 2014, 4:09 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oVSfdzrflc

Just be yourself, but there are tweaks I am still working on.

How to not be desperate: ok I'm 27 and single. So what if I don't have one? Society has told us that having a girlfriend/wife is very important, but the main source of that nonsense comes from the media telling them (and us) what to think and not how to think. I used to be so devastated, rejection after rejection, but now, up to the front lines again, being totally indifferent about rejection (because if she's not interested in you, you shouldn't try anymore, trust me, I learned from this mistake so many times showing a little too desperate). And the truth is, your going to need to have goals in your life. Never make getting an ideal girlfriend your first. In fact, don't put it on your list. I am still trying to make friends, and hang out with the right crowd. (oh yes, I hung out with the wrong type of friends and got hurt and screwed over). It's hard, since it's hard for me to say the right things.

to summarize: a significant other doesn't happen if:

1. You stay isolated. You won't make any new friends. Take this risk. You're only young once, and I'm 27 and still regret not doing it a lot sooner. Get your license. Get a car. Do whatever it takes to accomplish a goal.

2. You expect a girl to ask you out one day. Well, if you expect then you will be disappointed. Do not expect any results. Just receive them. Not every girl has a boyfriend, and if a girl doesn't like you for who you are and what you do, then don't waste your time. It's her loss for not giving you a chance. Too bad. Not your problem in the end.

3. Your heart is too open after one conversation with a girl. Believe me I made this mistake numerous times. I used to believe in love at first sight. Big mistake. I went crazy for a while, and used to hate the world. Did it do anything in my favor? Did the world change for me? nope. I kept wasting my time on forums complaining about it, but it doesn't change people for who they are. No matter how much you consider it injustice, people will be who they are. Took me long enough to finally realize this.

NEVER MAKE GETTING A GIRL YOUR FIRST PRIORITY. ever. you will see yourself disappointed with the results of this. It hurts. Trust me.

In the past, I used to hate myself for being autistic, but I am working better on myself. This is a transition and to be honest, I'm not too comfortable with change, but I'm not getting any younger, so I can't go back.



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Aug 2014, 5:10 am

May I add that the media makes us males, believe that it our duty to pursue relationships, that us should initiate everything and this is the only way to get a partner.

My real life observation was totally the opposite tho: In 99% of cases I've seen and asked about, it's where the female has initiated in way or another, whether directly or, in most cases, less directly but usually very OBVIOUS. Believe me, if a girl ever showed serious interest in you, you will know it unless you're totally stupid. In real life, the only way that asking out a girl works is when the girl has already put you in her mind and was hinting and showing interest endlessly already (and this can be from first meeting)- other than that, don't really bother.

What does that mean? It means that guys have little power in selecting who they want, you can't really do much, it would be way less time consuming and more effective if you live your life - and if a girl showing interest in you and she happens to be a good match then go for it.

The male's initiation is often just a response to the female's initiation of the very obvious flirting/interest/hinting - at least this has been my experiences and the all the males' experiences (friends, relatives, coworkers that I have talked with about this or observing it happening)...etc.

In order to be more likely to be selected, follow Patrick's advice: Get a job, a car, get fit, get socially active, be active in your hobbies, don't be down - and don't be ugly and don't be too short lol, other than that, there's very little you can do.



JaryT
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23 Aug 2014, 4:24 am

Crap. I'm border line midget, no offense intended towards anyone.



CommanderKeen
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23 Aug 2014, 8:21 am

That video linked to another video with a hot girl. I watched that instead.



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Aug 2014, 10:46 am

There are some issues in this video:
1- Again, like in all guru advice, it promotes the idea that courtship is always on the guy, it's the guy who should make her feel, to connect with her, to make his presence.....bla bla ; but what about the girl? Why shouldn't she try to make me feel her, why shouldn't she try to connect with me? I've tried to bond with girls before but I've lost interest because they've made no connection with me.

2- The guy is too handsome; that harms his advice's credibility; would it work for someone ugly?

3- It's bit misleading to say that job/car don't matter.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 23 Aug 2014, 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Patrick64
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23 Aug 2014, 4:58 pm

I have to agree with #1. Girls don't make an effort to bond with someone, and then they end up hating themselves and regretting it because they expected the guy to court them to their ideal relationship. You can just blame what society and the media tells us. Unfortunately looks do matter to me, but there are a lot of cute girls out there. Advice to guys: Just have fun, don't ever expect to get married because that can always turn around and break your heart. Be indifferent about romance, valentines day, etc. Don't hate it, just learn not to care. It takes a lot of people to regret something to teach the next generation how to be better. (I hope).



CommanderKeen
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23 Aug 2014, 7:09 pm

When I think handsome, I think about someone like Mark Wahlberg, not that guy in the video.



rainydaykid
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24 Aug 2014, 9:31 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

In order to be more likely to be selected, follow Patrick's advice: Get a job, a car, get fit, get socially active, be active in your hobbies, don't be down - and don't be ugly and don't be too short lol, other than that, there's very little you can do.


This is one thing I find I hate about dating, the materialism aspect. I live near campus, so I don't need a car, and cars are a pain to own, always needing something. I find being sociable tiring, and I always talk about "weird" stuff, and find small talk useless and annoying. I am also unable to hide the fact that I don't care, if the conversation sucks, and if it gets boring, I'll walk off right in the middle of a conversation.

For the fit thing, I am ex military and walk a lot, so that isn't an issue. I consider going to college to be my job, and I literally get paid to do it, so it is a job. Plus the studying is intense as a chemistry major.

I just hate that women will tend to judge you based on the stuff you own and not who you are. I have a problem with this as a minimalist, because I don't own anything. I'm intelligent and very good looking, so I still talk to a lot of women, sometimes it goes well, sometimes not.



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24 Aug 2014, 4:00 pm

I watched the first 5 minutes or so of the video. I'll stop short of saying it's complete BS (like most videos of this sort), but it's not helpful to me. It makes far too many assumptions about what men and women are like.


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AngelRho
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24 Aug 2014, 6:30 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
There are some issues in this video:
1- Again, like in all guru advice, it promotes the idea that courtship is always on the guy, it's the guy who should make her feel, to connect with her, to make his presence.....bla bla ; but what about the girl? Why shouldn't she try to make me feel her, why shouldn't she try to connect with me? I've tried to bond with girls before but I've lost interest because they've made no connection with me.

2- The guy is too handsome; that harms his advice's credibility; would it work for someone ugly?

3- It's bit misleading to say that job/car don't matter.

I think it's awesome when women take the initiative.

I think men are by nature more driven to take the initiative. A lot of things I've had to say as of late is directed more towards a male audience, admittedly, but I think that in then present day given western culture and attitudes, it's perfectly reasonable for women to ask guys out.

The culture is largely responsible for teaching women to wait for a guy to call, but like I've said before, this is a WAY outdated convention. If you're a woman and you want to see a guy, call him up and say so. Simple as that.



Patrick64
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24 Aug 2014, 9:32 pm

well, sad news next generation of lovers: There are more women than men on this planet, and there won't be enough men for each women, so it voids the concept of true love in my opinion. So, some women in the next 10-20 years will have to face the fact that there isn't a true man for them. oh well.



AngelRho
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25 Aug 2014, 4:07 am

Patrick64 wrote:
well, sad news next generation of lovers: There are more women than men on this planet, and there won't be enough men for each women, so it voids the concept of true love in my opinion. So, some women in the next 10-20 years will have to face the fact that there isn't a true man for them. oh well.

You're not accounting for death and homosexuality.

Besides that, there's also the issue of human beings who choose not to define themselves by their mates/relationship status. Even if there are more women than men, it doesn't mean women actually care.



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25 Aug 2014, 11:52 am

If a guy is interested in you, will he pursue you?
If a guy doesn't pursue you, does that mean he's not interested in you?

Assuming he knows you don't have a boyfriend.



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25 Aug 2014, 10:44 pm

rainydaykid wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

In order to be more likely to be selected, follow Patrick's advice: Get a job, a car, get fit, get socially active, be active in your hobbies, don't be down - and don't be ugly and don't be too short lol, other than that, there's very little you can do.


This is one thing I find I hate about dating, the materialism aspect. I live near campus, so I don't need a car, and cars are a pain to own, always needing something. I find being sociable tiring, and I always talk about "weird" stuff, and find small talk useless and annoying. I am also unable to hide the fact that I don't care, if the conversation sucks, and if it gets boring, I'll walk off right in the middle of a conversation.

For the fit thing, I am ex military and walk a lot, so that isn't an issue. I consider going to college to be my job, and I literally get paid to do it, so it is a job. Plus the studying is intense as a chemistry major.

I just hate that women will tend to judge you based on the stuff you own and not who you are. I have a problem with this as a minimalist, because I don't own anything. I'm intelligent and very good looking, so I still talk to a lot of women, sometimes it goes well, sometimes not.


It's even worse when you're someone who is grateful and happy with whatever life gives them and would prefer to take advantage of that then to have to change or aim higher to suit someone else's ideals.

I'm a skinny and weak guy but I don't care about muscles or being tough, I think it's a waste of my time and I just don't want muscles or a muscular body. I'm proud for what I have.

With a job I'd prefer something part-time and casual, obviously this won't work and I need to get some laborous 9-5 business related work. :(

I love the bus and hate driving. It's impractical and stressful.

I'm intelligent and funny, so sometimes it will go well for me, sometimes not.



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25 Aug 2014, 10:50 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
May I add that the media makes us males, believe that it our duty to pursue relationships, that us should initiate everything and this is the only way to get a partner.

My real life observation was totally the opposite tho: In 99% of cases I've seen and asked about, it's where the female has initiated in way or another, whether directly or, in most cases, less directly but usually very OBVIOUS. Believe me, if a girl ever showed serious interest in you, you will know it unless you're totally stupid. In real life, the only way that asking out a girl works is when the girl has already put you in her mind and was hinting and showing interest endlessly already (and this can be from first meeting)- other than that, don't really bother.

What does that mean? It means that guys have little power in selecting who they want, you can't really do much, it would be way less time consuming and more effective if you live your life - and if a girl showing interest in you and she happens to be a good match then go for it.

The male's initiation is often just a response to the female's initiation of the very obvious flirting/interest/hinting - at least this has been my experiences and the all the males' experiences (friends, relatives, coworkers that I have talked with about this or observing it happening)...etc.

In order to be more likely to be selected, follow Patrick's advice: Get a job, a car, get fit, get socially active, be active in your hobbies, don't be down - and don't be ugly and don't be too short lol, other than that, there's very little you can do.


I agree with this. This is the sad truth. If a male is attracted to a female he will pursue her and attempt to 'woo' her. Females are never expected to make the first move, so any female can have men pursue her. Even the aspie women and girls here who consider themselves "shy" or "weird" are approached by confident NT males and even shy/awkward aspie males who are attracted to her.

Females really do have more choice. They choose whichever male proves himself worthy of her love and desire returned.

Males have little to no choice. You are right. When a female likes a male, she will "pursue" him in a way, just more subtle. Instead of trying to impress the opposite sex to prove they are worthy like men do, females just flirt and show the male that they are attracted to him, and that he needs to respond/make a move back to advance things.

It's sad. More females should take the iniative, I think it's nice when a girl does it. The girl that liked me flirted with me and made it ridiculousy obvious she had feelings for me, I picked up on it easy but being the awkward guy I was I was too nervous to actually ask her out, so she ended up doing it. Sadly she either lost interest fast or played me, because this date to the movies never actually happened and she was also recently broken up, so yeah...



AngelRho
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26 Aug 2014, 5:54 am

At 15 years old, you don't have that much to worry about. Just get through school and let relationships be everyone else's headache. You might even be mature for a 15 year old, but it's everyone else you have to deal with. They'll eventually catch up.

I'd had some luck with older women taking the lead. I liked it. But without the expectation that men have on them to take the initiative, it's not the easiest situation to get into. If that's your preference, you still have to nudge things in that direction.