Worried about being stabbed or shot

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I have a new boyfriend and I now know exactly where he lives and how to get there (using two easy buses). He works a lot, but has given me a key to his place to make things easier, which it is easier for both of us.

The only thing is, I didn't often go to the town he lives in much before, and I have heard on the news that there has been three murders there this year, and then a few weeks ago someone on Facebook (who lives in this town) filmed a fight going on (from out of his window), involving police and there was also a few loud gunshots.

I'm just a little worried of being a murder victim. I have to wait at a bus stop between catching buses, but it's in the middle of a very busy high street with lots of buses and people about, so hopefully the risk of being murdered there is nearly impossible, as it's quite a safe part of the town. I don't have to walk anywhere quiet on my own, which is another good thing. But it isn't going to be summer forever, when the winter comes it gets dark at four in the afternoon, and I don't quite know what the high street will be like then, if there still will be a lot of people about or not. I do try to avoid being out after dark.

But to give me peace of mind, do you think I am less at risk of getting murdered in a busy high street? There are a lot of shoppers about, and elderly people, and big families (loads of small kids), and other types of people who don't make me feel vulnerable. I do know things like not to get into a random strangers car and other stuff like that, but what I'm more worried about is some weirdo cornering me and stabbing me, or somebody with a gun who suddenly shoots me. Do you think this is likely to happen? Why do people have to be so aggressive enough to murder people?

Being in a crowd doesn't always mean you're safe. This is due to the bystander effect. Look it up;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
An example of this from your own posts is people videoing acts of violence so they can post them on Facebook instead of helping.
Nowadays a lot of people won't help a victim fend off an attacker because they're worried about being hurt themselves or think they'll be convicted of assault (unlikely). In some cases they'd otherwise be willing to help but they just don't want to be the first.

If you're worried about being stabbed or shot, it might be safer for you if you bought a car.

If you want peace of mind, you should address the psychological issue. I remember you making similar posts about the world ending, terrorist attacks on your plane and possibly something about Fukushima (not sure about that one), so there's clearly a pattern of excessive worrying about statistically very unlikely events.
As a first step, I'd suggest not reading the news anymore since all that does is scare you.

This is not an irrational fear or overworrying. I just want to be safe. But it might come from my fear of death, because I do have a fear of death. Dying peacefully of old age in my sleep is the only way I want to die, I do not want to die having a knife repeatedly stabbed into me by some weirdo who is aggressive about something and should just stab himself. Sorry if that sounded harsh but I really HATE murderers. I don't know what's wrong with them and what goes through their minds. The world would be a better place without them.

But anyway I've tried looking on Google about how to lessen your risk of being mugged, attacked, raped or murdered, but the results aren't quite what I want. All it comes up with is telling you to not get into a stranger's car, which I already know. I like it when those ''how to XYZ (with pictures)'' come up on Google because they are good guidelines, but can't seem to find anything on Google to do with avoiding being murdered.

So I thought I'd ask for some advice or just someone else who can relate on WP, but even here people seem to be making me out to be mad. I do have an anxiety disorder, yes I'm on Sertraline, yes they are helping in many ways but still does not exactly make me turn a blind eye to danger. Yes I've had CBT but it didn't help.

If you are in a well populated area with lots of traffic going by than it is unlikely you'd be shot or stabbed as there would be too many witnesses...especially if you are in a safer part of town and don't have to walk to any isolated spots by yourself. But yeah the area my dad currently lives in is not so great I have heard of people getting shot/murdered around there so I admit I have gotten concerned when going to visit. Though a lot of that violence has to do with like gang stuff or whatever, so unless you're directly involved in that type of stuff its unlikely to be a victim of getting shot.......I think there would be a better chance of getting robbed via threatened with a weapon in that area if you're just a random person walking through though not a prospect I really like the idea of either though I typically don't have much of anything worth robbing on me., but it doesn't sound like the area you are talking about is really too bad though...what sort of people hang around there? If you are really concerned maybe a tazer would be a good idea, I was going to try and get one just in case a situation arises where I might need it. But yeah I don't think its an irrational concern nessisarily, but it is more unlikely than likely that the things your worried about would happen based on the area you describe.

I have never had too much issues thus far though aside from maybe someone who I don't really want to talk to sitting by me to tell me some delusion they are having because they smoked way to much crack, when I'd rather listen to music...and once I think someone actually tried to hit me with a car due to my having to dive out of the way of it after getting half way across the street when it was my turn to cross the street according to the street light when this happened.

If someone is aggressive or confrontational, walk toward an area or cluster of more people. This is a very specific skill which I think should be taught a heck of a lot more often than it is.

Consider martial arts training. It will give you something active and positive to do.

For example, if someone grabs you're wrist, push into them as you flash the face at the same time, then quickly pull back with a tight turn of the wrist. By flash the face, I mean a quick movement of the other hand as if you're going to strike the eyes or the nose. And keep it quick and a relatively short arm movement. Do not overcommit. The pull with a wrist turn is also very important.

Now, it really helps to actually practice this stuff rather than just read about it. There are a lot of good teachers out there. I myself merely have a purple belt in judo and that is from years ago. There are a lot of people a whole lot better than I am.

There's generally 'soft' style martial arts like judo or aikido with throws and uses of your opponent being off balance. And then there are 'hard' style martial arts like karate or tae kwon do which use hits and kicks. With the 'hard' style, you can actually become pretty good in a matter of months. The 'soft' styles take several years. Jiu jitsu is a real possibility in that it incorporates elements of both.

And lastly, please don't get so into it that you take a bunch of blows to the head because all that stuff about post-concussion syndrome, and even cumulative lesser blows, is largely true. And I don't think boxing or martial arts head gear really protects, just like they've found out that football helmets don't really protect. Just matter-of-factly say to the instructor, 'I don't want to take a bunch of blows to the head.' And really at this point, with the medical information that is beginning to be known, he or she should be quite willing to go along with this.

Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 23 Aug 2014, 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wouldn't worry too much about some random attack, it doesn't happen very often even here in America. If you were American I'd tell you just to arm yourself for the peace of mind but unfortunately you don't have that option so just stick to areas your familiar with and try to stay in well lit and trafficked streets, don't stop to talk to anybody that might say anything to you, just keep your eye out and be aware of surroundings for people that might be up to no good.

I'm kind of a paranoid person when comes to things like this too but I did grow up in relatively dangerous area, I'd avoid large groups of especially young people walking down the sidewalk, I'd turn or cross the street to avoid people. A lot of people like getting bigger dogs and nobody messes with somebody with a dog. You do have to be a bit prejudice, its just what it is and you have to mitigate risks you just have to learn how to read the vibes certain people give off. It's better to be safe than sorry and obviously a grandma isn't someone you have to worry about. Don't flash money, don't give money to beggers, don't play on expensive phones, don't even carry that much money if you don't have to since if you're getting mugged it is better to just give it them than have them take it. If you're with more than one person especially a man then nobody will probably mess with you.

The city I am from has a 100+ murders a year and is pretty high crime overall, I've never was randomly assaulted or mugged. Just keep an eye out and be aware of your surroundings and you probably will be fine.

Also if you are sensative to the energy of an area and it feels bad, I'd say better safe than sorry and get out of there. I actually got a very distinct feeling once I needed to get away from a certain area and about 5 minutes later all kinds of cops where going just that way, so yeah I think I am glad I didn't stick around to see what was going on.

hmm. the odds are really against getting stabbed or shot.
and really for: getting run over by a car and drowning in a swimming pool.

hope this is help.
I used to calm myself down when walking through shady areas of the UK by reminding myself that I'm tall, bearded and dressed like a bum, and thereofore not a good target for mugging (but it took me a while to actually believe it myself).
I wasn't really afraid of stabbings, as these always seemed gang-related. At least, that's what the news told me to keep me calm and uncaring.

But I can see how that is not the best way to go for a woman. Stay away from areas you're uncomfortable being in, don't wave around your iPhone and 50 pound notes, look both sides before crossing a street- things should be fine then.

If you have your mind made up, feel uncomfortable, and you are going anyway, I would suggest a stim toy to make you feel better. Like mace, or a stun gun. You may never need to use it but it is good piece of mind. Just don't squirt that stuff unless you need to use it. Nasty stuff.

^^^ I don't know that citizens in the UK can legally own mace, pepperspray or tazers. I looked on wikipedia and there it says pepper spray and tasers are illegal. It even said that the maximum sentence for carrying a tazer is 10 years (! !! !) and an unlimited fine (! !! !).

^^^ weird country. You hear gunshots, people get beat up, and you cannot legally defend yourself? Sounds like they emplore violence. Anything else that could actually be safe for you to use, could possibly be used against you. You could always carry a cane that is heavy on one end if that makes you feel better. Or an umbrella with a point on one end . There is no better defence than a good offence.

That's it. Think outside the box. They can't have banned everything.

Thanks for the ideas and reassurance. It's so annoying all this crime, because it makes people afraid to feel independant and safe. I feel very independant going on the buses to see my boyfriend. It's what I always wanted to do. But when you hear of all these attacks and shootings going on, it feels very scary to be there on your own. But the high street where I catch the second bus is very busy, and I do feel less vulnerable when there are old people, young children, business people, etc. Well, anybody's OK really. I can tell by actions and body language. Like you might get a group of teenagers near you who aren't harmless at all and are just talking and laughing amongst themselves and minding their own business. Then you might get another group of teenagers that are shouting and swearing and are gangster type, even though they still might be harmless, those sort of people still make me feel a bit uneasy.

Although I used to have this friend what criticised about how ''unsafe'' my handbag is, I don't think my handbag is unsafe compared to her's. My handbag is not too big and not too small, and it comes over me instead of just one shoulder, and is quite snug under my arm and is always zipped up, and it is quite stiff so it makes it harder for another person to put their hand inside a steal stuff, unless they are wearing the bag themselves. It's a very good make, and I don't know how to get it much safer than that. My friend on the other hand goes around holding a bag with her hand, which has no zip, and you can see everything inside it. She puts her black handbag inside it, but you can see the handbag inside when she's walking around, and it's quite obvious that she keeps her money in there. It would only take a second or two for someone to come along and slip their hand into the bag and grab the black bag and run off with it, without her or anybody else noticing at all. At least if someone tried to mug me I would obviously know and would shout and try to get as many people to see as I could.

For real? that seems counterproductive but whatever...when do the worlds governments actually make sense?