How high are my chances of success in life?

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I am passing the mark of 23 years this Fall and I still don't have that job I wanted, I don't have those friends or relationships I desire, nor the car and driving skill that I want. Problem is, even now I feel like I am a VERY far ways off from becoming all these things.

It's not fair. I wish for a certain miracle to happen that would allow me better circumstances to really get what I desire. I feel bound by my current circumstances. Parents who don't get it and get in the way, other duties and current obligations in life, bad place to socialize, man I want out, I just wish I could hit a "reset" button on life and start from my infancy, then I'll make different decisions.

I know one can't change the past, but what else can I do, besides hopelessly pushing my parents to leave our current circumstances? I hate life bad enough now. I don't need more bad news. I'm afraid I'll never catch up with my peers.

Sorry your stilll really young. I'm 27 and I would live to be 23 again :/ or younger.


That said I still don't have the job I wanted, I can't drive and need a lot of help in various areas of my life. Which is ok

I have kind of decided I'm ok with who I am and how I am.


If by successful in life to mean reaching certain milestones and obtaining certain things and matching up to you peers then I'm not sure. I honestly don't know those are things I kind of gave up a long time ago. I steal have goals for things I want like a house and a job. But I guess I don't put so much pressure on them as being defining if I have been successful in life. For me I have been focusing more on have I learned from my past, worked to change things from it and have I found ways to come to the best of my abilities with what I have and most importantly have I managed to help others?

But to be honest I do feel your a bit young to be worrying if you will Eve be successful even by those definitions. Provided there are no accidents or illnesses that cause you to have a short life, you have many many long years ahead of you to be successful. A lot can change in just a few months never mind a year or two so I don know


But I would say you are far from having no hope for success

Based upon my own experience, I would be very careful about defining success in terms of ?catching up? with a particular peer group.

Anyone can be successful. It requires determination and focus. I suggest you take ?baby steps? towards achieving goals which are specific, attainable and realistic.

Hi, Kelly. I strongly suggest that, if you can afford it, you take a course in a marketable skill. For example, the finance community near where I live is very accepting of people on the spectrum compared to other professions. Around your age is when I changed my job to accounting from what I had been doing before, which was not the best fit. Http://www.codecademy.com has a lot of computer programming education if you're interested in that. The programming community is more accepting of autism than most, and the course is free unlike some accounting or finance courses.

For a little money now, though not much in the long run, try http://www.mturk.com where you can make a few bucks a day. Then, when you've learned programming, try http://www.freelancer.com and http://www.odesk.com in order to make some more money from home. For saving your money, try http://ally.com for higher than average interest rates.

There are a lot of driver's education resources online. Look up parallel parking game, and other driver's education courses online if you don't have access to a car to practice or a place to get defensive driving lessons. And when you do get a car, you can get one with semi-autonomous or safety features. The expensive one that people around here get is called Mercedes S class, but you can find something by Honda or another lower end company that does similar things. Make sure to get a GPS app on your phone, as well.

PM me if you'd like a link to an archive of securities brokers study guides.

I wish you the best of luck.

Esoteric, I am 60 years old and just signed up for free Codecademy. It is so refreshing when someone responds to questions posted on WP in such a positive and solution oriented fashion. Good on you.

^^^ I very much agree with this. Rome was not built in a day. Set one or two goals for yourself in the short term that you know you have a good shot at. And then a couple more after that and so on - success breeds success and yes, there will be failures and setbacks along the way. That's normal for everybody- aspie or NT.

As for the whole career thing - I have a good job but would quit in a heartbeat if I could find a way to maintain my lifestyle while painting landscapes all day. The French have a saying: You don't live to work - you work to live. Find a half decent job that pays the bills and gives you a bit extra so you can enjoy some things in life.

Good luck

When I was 23 I lived in the backseat of a Chrysler Lebaron. Today, I am married with kids and a good job. You never know what's going to happen.

There's plenty of time to develop pathways to your goals. The important thing is to play to your strengths, as this develops confidence. ASD people are often "late bloomers" and it is a big mistake to measure yourself against others. And don't worry if the people you envy don't get where you are at on your journey - it's YOUR journey, not theirs. Focus on you, and what you can do, not what you haven't done so far. And finally, bear in mind that if you always follow the herd, you end up walking in their sh.t!

This perspective almost always leads to despair.

As others have said, it is best to focus on your own goals and work towards them. Athletes call this goal setting "personal best'.

As you work to make your "personal best" better and better, you find that you are accumulating experience and skill and building piece by piece a better life.

What are you currently doing for work? Are you in school?

What's the definition of success for you?

If it's a list of material things, status, life situation (job, relationship, etc.), ask yourself this: Why do I want this thing? And then ask yourself, Are there other ways I could get those things?

For example: I want to become a rehabilitation engineer.

Why do I want this?
Because I want to solve interesting problems and I want to create technology that will help other people with disabilities to assert their independence and their right to live their lives, their own way.

Are there other ways I could get this?
Yes. There are interesting problems to solve in many fields, including many of the ones I am highly informed in. Disability advocacy can be done in many ways, some of which I am already engaged in now.

Therefore, becoming a rehabilitation engineer is not my only option for "success" in this area. If I cannot finish my degree or cannot find a job, there are other ways to pursue those deeper, more fundamental needs that are behind my goals.

A more generic example, one I see here over and over from teen and twentysomething autistics worried about finding love:

"I want to find a girlfriend and marry her."

Why do I want this?
I want someone whom I can love, and who loves me in return. I want to be a part of a family where I belong. I want others to see me as someone who can find and keep a girlfriend.

Are there other ways I could get this?
Yes. Love doesn't come in romantic-only. There's mentorship, friendship, and family. Family, similarly, comes in many shapes and sizes.

Sometimes you have to take something from the list and ask "Why" again.

"I want others to see me as someone who can find and keep a girlfriend."

Why do I want this?
Because I want to be respected by others. Because I don't want them to look down on me. Because I want confirmation of the fact that I am fundamentally someone who can be loved.

Are there other ways?
You cannot control the way others think of you--but you can understand that they can be wrong about you. People who do not respect you if you do not have a girlfriend are wrong about your value as a human being. Are you someone who can be loved? Again, yes. Everyone is. Think about the people who have loved you, personally--as well as about the people who would love you simply because you are human and they value human life.

When you are being forced to match up to society's standards, always ask yourself why you want those things--and ask yourself what it is you really want, what lies behind those desires.

Exceptional advice.