I wish my parents would stop saying "no"

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K_Kelly
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27 Aug 2014, 9:06 pm

When I ask my parents anything of major value such as requesting if we move somewhere else with more opportunity or anything else very major, I don't get a definite answer or I just get "no". They remain indefinite and it seems like they forget everything I asked them, I can't imagine them saying "Hey remember one time, you asked..." no they don't.

I know I can't move, because we have most of our connections and obligations here in our city, but it seems like she would be hesitant to deal or work around those circumstances with just a "maybe someday".

I cannot progress like this.



nerdygirl
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28 Aug 2014, 4:20 am

Would you rather they say "yes" and then not be able to act upon it? To me, that would feel like they were either lying or trying to just tell me what they think I want to hear.

Moving is an unbelievable ordeal. It falls into the category of "major life stress" along with changing jobs, changes in marital situation, a death in the family, and things of that nature.

One cannot move just because one wants to. My whole family wants to move, for various reasons. We have actually talked about this. We can't right now, but "maybe" in a few years. And the answer can only be "maybe" because we don't know if we will be able to get everything in order to make that happen.

One is entrenched wherever one lives. First and foremost, there's a job that pays the bills and keeps food on the table. One cannot up-and-leave and expect that *poof* another job in another place will just appear, complete with the proper living space. These things require much planning, and a lot of steps must fall in place to make such a move possible. One cannot predict if it will be possible.

I think you are expecting the impossible in regards to definite "yes" answer from your parents. Instead of asking "can we move?", you might just say "I wish we could move." If your parents wish they could move, too, they might say so. At least then, you will have a better understanding of one another in your shared desire to move, even if it is not possible to make that happen.

If your parents *do* want to move but can't make it happen, your asking might stress them out by reminding them that they are not able to do that which they want to do and would benefit the family.



Waterfalls
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28 Aug 2014, 6:18 am

We all want people to say yes, and it's frustrating when that doesn't happen. Especially if you're not feeling your parents take your wishes seriously.

I started not asking for things as a young child to avoid hearing no and that didn't work well. So had to start asking again as an adult and have found it much easier to ask for smaller things first so as to gain some support, as well as a sense of whether the person is inclined to say yes at all.

Do you think your parents might be more supportive if you were to ask for smaller things they could give? Sometimes parents want to make kids happy but can't or feel it would be the wrong thing and start to get frustrated, start saying no more.

If you want to and are comfortable giving an idea whether you may be close to independence, or whether you are younger or need more support for other reasons and if this will continue for a long time, it may help responders be more relevant.