Friendship on the verge of collapse. Not sure what to do.

Post Reply New Topic

TLDR - Start at 4th paragraph down...

Hey all. I'm a 32 year old NT guy who was only recently diagnosed with dyslexia and related LDs. My best mate is a 22 year old aspergic girl who also shares a few LDs with me as well, including dyspraxia. We've been good friends for a number of years. Both of us had been bullied at school and we've been through similar challenges so can related on a number of levels. We think similarly and our personalities are very similar indeed. However, as I am not aspergic I've been able to learn to become very good socially and with people. She doesn't really like people very much and often chooses to be alone. I understand the reasons for this and I think she does amazingly well considering what she's been through.

When we first met it was clear she was very weary of people and especially of guys. Most of her friends are guys but she has had a problem with guys having hidden agendas. So I took the open book honesty route. After a bit of time getting to know one another I told her plainly (really put me out of my comfort zone but thought she'd appreciate the straightforwardness) that I loved her to bits as a friend. Added that I did find her attractive as well so if she did like me in that way I'd have her in a heartbeat but my friendship with her meant more than anything. As it turned out I later found out she had a bf and so completely respected that. She would even confide in me but even though I could see her bf treated her like crap I stayed well away from getting involved if you know what I mean. I know how toxic that can be.

So our friendship blossomed and we got on really well. Even her family were surprised how I was able to get her to come out of her shell. Then, back in May this year she broke up with her bf. She'd had enough of him. However, I made a promise to her, knowing she'd had issues with other guys poaching or attempting to cause trouble before, I put my own feelings to one side and remained the honourable friend.

Then I got a bit of a shock. One evening about a month ago I popped over to see her. She wasn't feeling well and had a major migrane. I watched a film with her and her family (rather she listened). We chatted and all seemed well. She went up stairs to lie down and so I asked if she wanted company and she said yes. So we chatted whilst she was in bed and I was sat on the bed next to her. To my surprise she kept leaning into me with her legs and body. This is something she never does as I am sure some of you can relate to this, she isn't that great with physical affection or contact. Then when I felt it was a good time to leave I touched her hand for a moment as an affectionate gesture and to my surprise again she squeezed my hand back. Again, unusual for her but I didn't think anything of it at the time.

Then, I lost my god damn car keys. Her dad tried to help me find them to no avail. At the top of the stairs my friend called me to say she'd found them in her bed. So I ran up the stairs, thanked her by hugging her and kissed her on the cheek. As I was about to pull away though she'd turned her head and before I knew it our lips met. I thought it was just mistake or an accident so I said see you later and left. At the time, again, I thought not much of it until afterwards. I couldn't have said anything at the time because her dad was at the bottom of the stairs. Yeah I may have chickened out saying anything but you might understand when I say he's an ex army drill sergeant. He likes me but I didn't want to outstay my welcome.

Since then, her behavour has changed. She plays games ALL the time and everytime I invite her out she says she'd busy, can't be bothered, not in the mood, too miserable to be out etc. So I ask her what's wrong and to talk to me. She then becomes quite rude and aggressive and tells me that despite being her friends I am not entitled to know everything that's going on in her head. So I'm a bit stumped. I'm very good at reading people as long as it isn't a situation that doesn't concern/involve me. If it does involve me I go a bit blind.

Looking back at it all I am beginning to wonder if she has actually had feelings for me after all. She's always been very protective of me. Once at a house party several months ago we arrive and a group of girls come to talk to me. They then all run away and when I look back at my friend she's glaring at them. I ask her why she did that and her reply was, "They aren't good enough for you. Do you really want to catch an STD?"

Any advice will be welcomed. Help me make sense of this as I am quite rubbish when trying to see the wood for the trees.

I think depends how much you like her. Sounds like she is majorly into you, though don't know how much she realizes that. And she sounds confused, as well. Somehow you will need to help sort this out toward going your separate ways or returning to platonic friendship (if that is possible) or dating. Would you want to take a chance on being vulnerable and dating her? She may be a jerk about it but someone has to cut through the confusion. Move you both past this miserable no mans land.