do you get upset when people lie about their motives?

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if someone does something for a selfish motive and then pretend he/she did it for your own good, or someone else's, that he did it for unselfish reasons, like if someone rescues a kitten in front of a girl he wants to impress...
i'd be very happy for the kitten, but angry as hell that this person lies about his motives.
i had a supervisor at work at mcdonalds once, many years ago, and he was mean and nasty. once a person tried to snatch a woman's purse, and he called the police right away and acted concerned, but i know he wasnt, because he didnt give a damn when my gangster coworkers were threatening me, and when they beat up a customer once.
when people do something for a selifish motives and pretend it's not so, especially when they pull a good act of kindness and sweetness, i get dizzy, anxious, red-hot with anger. This happens especially when i know they're real nasty people.
just wanted to know if you feel the same. does this bother you too, and to what extent? is it an aspie thing, or just a "me" thing?

I think most decent, honest people who possess a generous amount of integrity are revolted by the type of phony posturing you mention. I don't it's really an "aspie thing."

I don't think it's an "aspie thing". I believe that most people would at least be put off by such sneaky people. I think it's a human thing. I certainly feel pretty disgusted by such people.

The funny thing is that many people sometimes do "nice" things for various reasons rather than just out of good will. For example, some people donate money because everybody else in the group does and don't want to look mean or simply because they want to show off the fact that they donated money to look generous. I may sound cynical but many of the kind acts have some ulterior motives behind. When nasty people talk about peace/equality etc, I really feel like telling them that they need to work on themselves first before they tell others how the world should be.

News Flash: Everything every person does, has ever done and will ever do is necessarily "selfish."

I dislike it, but I guess I've grown apathetic about it. Posturing is very common and exists to "keep up appearances" or give someone an excuse to talk to someone else. I see a lot of people posting online about how they can approach people they briefly met offline in the online realm without appearing desperate, especially when they looked up their Facebook address but weren't actually given the link. Directness isn't always common or easy.

Of course, I trust people who don't feel that they have anything to prove more than those who are trying very hard to give off a certain impression.

I have a very hard time believing in altruism, or acknowledging altruism.

I was lied to today for my own good.

I wish that I didn't realise that I had been lied to because the lie really was for my own good.

THANK YOU.

Dishonesty is annoying, but not because of "selfishness," because every act is selfish.

I gave a homeless woman $5.00 yesterday. She told me she was on the waiting list at the local homeless shelter. I chose to believe her. Most times I suggest applying for consideration at the homeless shelter and people will seriously complain about "rules" and the $50-a-month rent (without completely outing myself, I will say it is one of the most accommodating, progressive shelters in the country). She was trying to get out of an abusive relationship and she needed money to take the bus to the shelter.

It sounds like a selfless act, but I recognize that I have black-and-white thinking, due to 1) Being disbelieved by people I thought could help me because my personal situation was a bit odd, and 2) Seeing either stereotypical or deplorable behavior over and over again in certain populations to where I tend to "put them in the black." Hearing her tell me about what she is going through made me recall what I was going through, and angry flashbacks of people not believing me or friends not being my friends anymore (Because I knowingly was in an abusive relationship but stayed until things got very, very bad) came to mind. I didn't want to be those people who cast off others who likely are in need, so I gave the woman the money. Yes, I felt better about myself. Does this make me bad?

what you did was very sweet, and no, doesnt make you bad in the slightest. what you're describing sounds like identifying with this woman because you've gone through similar things. but then it has to do with personality. some people who'd been abused grow up to be abusers, and those who'd been bullied grow to be bullies themselves. but if you're a decent person, going through hardships will make you want to help othersr.
and you felt better because you helped someone. this isnt a bad thing at all. on the contrary. nasty people feel better when they hurt someone. if you feel better after helping, or better about yourself of whatever, this is nice.
and all things considered, you did this for unselfish reasons and because you really wanted to help this woman. and you did.

Same. Let's face it, when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for someone else, expecting "nothing" in return, they're almost always doing it to feel good about themselves, or to fulfill some sort of social obligation which in turn makes them feel better about themselves for fulfilling it. When someone does something for someone else, they're always getting something out of it, even if it's just a feeling.

A thing an action leads to isn't the same thing as the motif or reason to act. It can be, but not at all necessarily is. Actually these can contradict in a very unpleasant way: an action can lead to something horrendous, even though it wasn't in the plans. Also to argue that all acts are based on "selfish" motifs, you'd have to suppose that there is a motif, a prethought, for every action.

People do very "unselfish" things, like risking or losing their own life in trying to save another, and they do it automatically without preceding calculation. If they then feel good about themselves afterwards, that afterthought still wasn't there when they acted, let alone wasn't the reason to run into deep water with very little swimming skills. A man where I live drowned in doing so. The reason is purely seeing another human in distress, and the pressing need to help.

I'd say that the need to preserve, love and protect is coded into most of us. For many acting kindly is rather a way of being, a part of their personality or character, a flame inside, and it doesn't offer in daily use much more cratification than breathing does. I've seen people who are almost always loving and kind, and usually get just all the s**t back, but even after years of s**t, they are still kind. I've also seen people who are mean as mean can be, but still in most of them I feel like something went broken, like they got betrayed by the humankind, by the contract they had hopefully signed, and then decided to similarly sign out. Some stick to the contract nonetheless others have betrayed them - they hold the earth on their shoulders, even if they could just let it go.

When someone is good and loving, helping others, the ones who signed out feel inner friction. To avoid the anxiety caused by the reality of their own actions and unkindness they bring themselves up by bringing the other down (there is no altruism, they are ultimately as selfish, if not even more selfish in some twisted way and in being mean we are somehow more honest). Doing it the other way would cause too much anxiety, would mean risking yourself for another betrayal, would mean an endless battle against yourself instead fighting that endless battle against others. It's easier to destroy than to build. To build takes strength, destroying takes only a weapon or a match stick.

I have trust issues and people who betray me enrage me and ultimately feed my depression.

I disagree vehemently.

I have done far too many RAOK, not because they gave me a good feeling (In fact I felt nothing) but because it occurred to me to be the right thing to do.

But I won't blame you for making that statement though because it is very true (overwhelmingly true) of the vast majority of people.

Positive feelings are not the only reason for selfishness. The fact that you followed your own reasoning to achieve a goal that YOU WANTED to achieve makes the acts just as selfish as anything that would make you feel good. Kindness to others benefits you, even if only because YOU WANT to do it. If you didn't want to do it, you wouldn't.

It is done by other people constantly, so I am extremely bothered by it constantly.
Deceptive psychological manipulations make me nauseous.