Cell phone communication issue

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CodeGrey
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01 Sep 2014, 11:58 am

Help! argh!

I am mostly NT and have been seeing my Aspie (undiagnosed) bf since April. The relationship is strange to the nth degree, but lucky for him I've never been big on societal conventions and do not believe that things must follow a pre-determined template. We love each other and that's clear. He also seems to be allowing himself to become closer to me by revealing more about himself.

My problem is with our communication (surprise?!). You see, he had an Android that he purchases minimal prepaid data for (told me $7 per month once). He NEVER talks on the phone. Simply said he hates it. He will only text; he uses an app for that that he accesses while in wifi only (uses no data). So, he is only reachable by text and whiles he's in wifi. This is usually ok, and I told him he can jump on wifi at most public places and he does.

When he does 'up north', he drops off the grid. I know he will contact me when he gets home, but it can get annoying. It obviously doesn't bother him, and this phone set-up functioned fine for him in the past (no relationship!). He had in the past expressed distain for cell phones.
:help:

I know the obvious solution is to just tell him it bothers me. I don't want to try to change his 'aspieness' as he just recently became aware of the idea that there's a name for his condition. I did offer him awhile back to add a line to my plan. He said no, he wanted the cheap phone. I think he missed the fact that I knew this would improve our communication. Any input/output would be appreciated. Thanks



AspieUtah
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01 Sep 2014, 12:08 pm

I admire anybody who walks the talk and tries to get as far off the grid as possible (or comfortable). But, he should be told about (and want to accommodate) your concerns about the frequency of his checking in with you. Give him a prepaid calling card that he can use on any motel/hotel telephone or pay phone (if they can still be found). That way, while his cell phone is off the grid, he can still stop in at a 7-Eleven or gas station every few days or so, and call you or leave a voice-mail message. Tell him the card is just a back-up plan in case his cell doesn't work. I believe he might go for that kind of optional plan.


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sly279
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01 Sep 2014, 4:43 pm

I know I get anxiety when talking on the phone. now that i've been texting only for so long I also have added fear of not knowing what to say over the phone to a possible gf, what if we don't communicate as well verbally as we do thru text etc

what do you mean by he goes up north?

so you prefer a more often contact? like is it he goes days without talking or like a hours?



lotusblossom
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01 Sep 2014, 5:04 pm

I hate talking on the phone and texting and emailing, I really hate it. It would be a hurt/injury to me to text a partner. You may have needs of wanting to be kept in touch with but would you want that even if it hurts/injures him?

By how he has behaved it sounds like he does not like phones at all either so if you want to be loving it might be better to not push this thing.



CodeGrey
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01 Sep 2014, 7:28 pm

sly279 wrote:
I know I get anxiety when talking on the phone. now that i've been texting only for so long I also have added fear of not knowing what to say over the phone to a possible gf, what if we don't communicate as well verbally as we do thru text etc

what do you mean by he goes up north?

so you prefer a more often contact? like is it he goes days without talking or like a hours?


Well..he has a farm a bit north of where we live (he spends the majority of his time here). It is days when he goes there. He had been there this whole holiday weekend with zero contact. I'm a mom, and I can't help it, but I start to worry :/. My mind goes to all kinds of places.

Idk, I don't want to be too pushy. Maybe if I let him know that I worry, idk?



Misslizard
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01 Sep 2014, 10:25 pm

I'm not that great on the phone and my son,age 27,hates the phone.Don't think he's brushing you off,some people have phone issues.This worries me as a mom,but I have come to realize "no news is good news."


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sly279
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01 Sep 2014, 10:30 pm

CodeGrey wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I know I get anxiety when talking on the phone. now that i've been texting only for so long I also have added fear of not knowing what to say over the phone to a possible gf, what if we don't communicate as well verbally as we do thru text etc

what do you mean by he goes up north?

so you prefer a more often contact? like is it he goes days without talking or like a hours?


Well..he has a farm a bit north of where we live (he spends the majority of his time here). It is days when he goes there. He had been there this whole holiday weekend with zero contact. I'm a mom, and I can't help it, but I start to worry :/. My mind goes to all kinds of places.

Idk, I don't want to be too pushy. Maybe if I let him know that I worry, idk?


hmm. well it might be there isn't any cell service there. I go to the forest around here and thers no cell service.
going days without talking seems to be what a lot of women prefer. otherwise the man is seen as clingy if he texts her daily.
personally I don't like being in areas without cell service for too long. its why i can't do my hobbies without another person who can drive. in case something happens.

perhaps. why doesn't he live on the farm? can he get a home phone. if he doesn't like talking on phones and can't get service out there it might just be that it's something that can't be changed. I would make an effort at least myself to call my love, though might just be a call and a single word. even skype calls give me anxiety.
don't see how it would hurt to bring up the concern at least as a woman. to do so as a guy would be clingy, but women seem to be allowed to do so.



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02 Sep 2014, 2:46 am

Who cares about phones? In person chemistry and communication should trump everything else, really.


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