feelings while stimming?

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I posted a while back about the possibility of having Aspergers, and bringing it up to a psychologist during an ADHD assessment only to be quickly dismissed because he could ?tell as soon as he met me? that I didn?t have it.

Whether I have it or not, or whether I?m BAP, or residual or whatever, I?ve been trying to really think about my actions lately. I notice when I?m very interested in an activity (and to be honest, even when I?m just sitting around doing nothing) I will rock side to side and rub my fingers on my lips and nose. I?ll also smell the oils on my hands and flap my fingers when they are in the periphery of my visual field. All of these actions (especially the finger flapping) give me a relaxing, warm feeling and a tingling sensation in the back of my neck. This may just be a part of a sensory processing issue, but does anyone on this board get this feeling while ?stimming??

Realizing this, I instantly shot back to my youth (as a 4,5, and 6 year old). I realized that I have many memories involving staring at ceiling fans and oscillating fans. I also remember that I experienced that same relaxed sensation when looking at the fans.

I don't really feel anything by stimming beyond a better sense of "balance" between me and my environment.

Stimming makes me feel more in control. It primarily happens when my emotions spike: anxiety, frustration, excitement, etc. During those instances I feel like I'm going to explode, but stimming (primarily rocking, flapping, and rubbing my hands together) helps siphon off the excess emotional energy and makes me feel that little bit calmer. I can tell when I'm building towards a meltdown because I'll start flapping and pacing like crazy, and that's my cue to make my exit.

There are certain kinds of visual stimming that I'll perform just because they feel good, such as staring at things like flashing lights inside toys (as long as they flash rapidly: slow flashing disrupts my sense of "visual stability" and bothers me). I also have a tendency to rub fabrics, especially soft ones, and find their texture so mesmerizing that I have a hard time letting go of them. I really have no "auditory stim" unless you count listening to the same song a hundred plus times in a row over many days: in upsetting situations, having access to familiar music also helps me relax, so I bring my ipod with me wherever I might need it.