loneliness help

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Hi, I'm 16 and got diagnosed with Asperger's a month ago. I have two friends, but I feel like I can't connect to them or anyone in my family. I heard that autistic people have trouble connecting to people because of trouble with social skills, but I feel like I understand social situations pretty well. It feels like the reason I can't connect to people is that I'm weird. I spend a lot of time thinking, and almost all I like to think about is theories, like the morality of lying and exactly why people get lonely. I have tried to talk about my thoughts before, but everyone either finds them weird or boring or I feel that they don't understand my thoughts. I feel like I don't say anything that I think.

There are other weird things about me, like a history of mental trouble and the made-up feelings that I have (I made them up because I couldn't find words for them), and I know that my best friend would find that too weird to talk about. Maybe my sister would listen to me explain one of my made-up feelings, but I feel like she wouldn't understand because I feel like no one ever understands what I'm saying.

I feel the need to have a friend who is like me, knows almost everything about me, and understands me, but I think I might have too high of standards for friends. I don't know anyone who I really enjoy talking to except sort of for my one friend who I don't see that much, but I still don't feel much of a connection to her. I could try to enjoy my family and the friends I have, but I have accumulated a lot of thoughts, and since I always keep them all inside, it feels like my mind is exploding. I have tried to share my thoughts before, but I either get a refusal to continue the conversation (moans, topic changes) or it ends in a friendly argument where the other person doesn't get what I'm saying. I feel like no one knows anything about me because when I talk to them, I leave out all the weird parts of myself, which are a lot. It sometimes hurts a lot. I've been to regular therapists before, but they never helped, and my mom can't find an Asperger's therapist that our insurance covers. I might be able to go to an autistic social group soon.

I find most conversations boring because they aren't about theoretical topics. Could that be an autistic interest even though it's broad? I ask because I'm not sure if I really have autism or if I'm just weird. Should I change my attitude or try to meet more theoretical, weirder friends? Do you have advice? Thank you.

I can relate. Most of my socialization is by rote, through a rudimentary understanding of acceptable polite responses. That's mostly in situations where it's a necessity.

Two things come to mind. One is that any real relationship is mutually agreeable. Your friends should listen to you(vs cutting you off), but you have to make an equal investment in listening to them as well. Finding someone who shares your interests does make it easier, but it's never effortless.

The other is that people learn about you over time. So for your last question, I think a combination of both might help. I find all that juggling too overwhelming most of the time, so I just come here. It's an easier method for self expression when I don't feel I have the means or wherewithal to do so verbally.

Good luck.

Maybe you are just smarter than them and your conversation topics are hurting their brains. Have you tried talking to nerds?

Or maybe you are not explaining yourself very well and they are getting bored and/or frustrated with listening to stuff that doesn't make sense to them. Maybe keep a journal? Write it out and then it will be easier for you to explain when you talk to people about it.

The narrower your interests, the more difficult it will be to find someone to share them. So yes, you will most likely have to broaden the amount of subjects you are willing to talk about if you wish to have more friends.