Troubled and looking for help

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Hi, I've been considered HFA for a long time, and I need a little bit of advice.
My current situation has kind of been filling out for the last couple years, and it has come to my attention that I have a problem with a few specific things.
So I have always been.. Volatile. Very loud, very hyperactive, very needy, and very much ready to pounce on myself for unrealistic expectations. I have an older HFA friend, who's son has been my best friend for many years. He's very relaxed, very calm. He works hard, does everything to the T. I want so much to be that way, to be able to look at what I'm doing and understand that I've been able to accomplish a goal without making noise, attracting attention, and being uptight. I have an aversion to work that absolutely needs to go, and I can't seem to make myself work towards that. I hate to be unrealistic with myself, but I need to find a nail to hammer into my very much earthworm like squirmy self to be able to do things.
Even still, what I want the most is the ability to hold my tongue and control my anger. I see this older fellow who is soft-spoken and hard working and I see a barrier between me and that goal.
What do?

It's a complex and individualistic issue that probably requires a hundred little bits of advice, but I'll add one. I'm volatile, too. But sometimes I'm quite calm. I find the difference to be that I'm calm when I'm within or without, totally, but most anger comes when I'm switching over from inside to outside. For example, let's suppose I'm inside of myself, lost in my own thoughts... maybe washing dishes and happily in my own bliss. Or listening to the language lessons on my ipod. Then my kids try and butt in, insisting that I stop what I'm doing to look at their latest lego creation.

Right there, that transition, that's a problem for me, to be ripped so abruptly from my comfort zone.

I'm aware of it, so I try to be mindful of it, to calm down asap. Nothing could stop me from the immediate response, but I can try and terminate the angry response as fast as possible. It's about being aware and working on my reflexes.

If you know what will happen, under what circumstances, you can try to mindfully bring yourself back to a calm state. It'll take effort, and I think the automatic reactions we hate are for always, but I think we can increase our speed to hit the snooze button so the noise doesn't go on for any longer than it needs to.