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HeenriqueM
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11 Sep 2014, 8:01 pm

I was wondering if I am the only one who age difference affects a little ? I am 22 and my current girlfriend is 19. (her b-day 12 July, mine 25 july)... I know, it's pathetic being like this for 3 years... But in my mind I think people will look at me like 'Damn he's 22 dating a 19 y/o girl....).. I know there are cases that the age difference is about 10 years and people don't even care, but I was interested in knowing if this is something that people with Aspergers usually worry about? Like the way others will lookat me and the sittuation as I usually dated older girls.. usually 1/2 years older. Thank you very much for your time :)



eric76
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11 Sep 2014, 8:14 pm

Three years is nothing.

If it were thirty, then it would be odd.

But three is very ordinary.



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11 Sep 2014, 10:34 pm

3 years should be okay with most people



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11 Sep 2014, 10:56 pm

HeenriqueM wrote:
I was wondering if I am the only one who age difference affects a little ? I am 22 and my current girlfriend is 19. (her b-day 12 July, mine 25 july)... I know, it's pathetic being like this for 3 years... But in my mind I think people will look at me like 'Damn he's 22 dating a 19 y/o girl....).. I know there are cases that the age difference is about 10 years and people don't even care, but I was interested in knowing if this is something that people with Aspergers usually worry about? Like the way others will lookat me and the sittuation as I usually dated older girls.. usually 1/2 years older. Thank you very much for your time :)


I'm about to get blasted... but 3 years is nothing... I have been married for 16 years. She is 35. I am 40... WE have a girlfriend (Yes, we are polyamorous)... she is 23... If you are happy, tell people who judge you to piss off.


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MatchingBlues
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11 Sep 2014, 10:57 pm

No one really cares.

Regarding those wider age gaps (of ten years or so), no one seems to care either when the younger partner is 25 or older, but that's just the people I observe.



eric76
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11 Sep 2014, 11:10 pm

I would bet that there is more than 3 years age difference between them in most of the married couples I know.



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11 Sep 2014, 11:28 pm

Age is a huge thing for me too, so you're not alone. I had a 23-year-old boyfriend when I was 19, but I had to really think about it beforehand because there is still a difference at that age. I'm 24 now, recently hit on by a guy who's 30, and it still weirded me out. One year older would be perfect.



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11 Sep 2014, 11:54 pm

Both < age of consent = fine

Both > age of consent = fine

One is > age of consent, the other is < age of consent = not fine.

I don't see why this is such a difficult concept to grasp.


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Who_Am_I
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12 Sep 2014, 4:05 am

22 and 19 sounds pretty normal to me.


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12 Sep 2014, 6:14 am

I really don't know if this is something people with ASD in particular worry about. I haven't heard it mentioned much before. But it does seem to fall in line with the theory that people with ASD tend to like clear guidelines and it is common to find people with ASD focusing a lot of certain details. I also see a lot of ASD folks very concerned with how they are perceived by others, not in a vain way, but so as not to stand out in a negative or unusual light.

What is considered the norm in the age of couples actually varies depending on where you live as different cultures have different views on it. And it is constantly changing over time.

Age itself is not a infallible and consistant measure, as different people mature emotionally and mentally at different rates. Really the main thing is how the two people get along, their compatibility, are they happy together, etc. Other people's opinion ultimately does not matter.

But as a reference point, in current western culture the men are usually older and the age difference between you and your girlfriend is well within typical range and will not appear unusual.



eric76
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12 Sep 2014, 11:00 am

modernmax wrote:
Both < age of consent = fine

Both > age of consent = fine

One is > age of consent, the other is < age of consent = not fine.

I don't see why this is such a difficult concept to grasp.


That's an oversimplification.

The exact rules vary by location.

In Texas, the age of consent is 17 and it is illegal to have sex with someone under 14 regardless of your age. If one of the two is between 14, 15, or 16, an age difference of 3 years is acceptable. So 16 and 18 would be okay even though they are on opposite sides of the age of consent. If both are over the age of consent, then age doesn't matter. If one of the two is under the age of consent, there is something called "indecency with a child" that covers a variety of things including sex, sexual touching, exposing onself, ... .

And, of course, if the couple is married to each other then the limits above don't matter. In the mid 1970s, there was one married couple living in the town in which the husband was 26 and the wife was 14. Nobody really knew what to think about that.



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12 Sep 2014, 1:34 pm

My Great Grandmother was married at 13 in Italy. I don't know what her husband's age was. Apparently it was normal custom there then.



eric76
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12 Sep 2014, 2:22 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
My Great Grandmother was married at 13 in Italy. I don't know what her husband's age was. Apparently it was normal custom there then.


I think that in the past the age of consent in the US was considerably lower than now. Like 12 or so.



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12 Sep 2014, 2:28 pm

I would date anyone who's five years younger or older than me.


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12 Sep 2014, 2:30 pm

I dated a 30 year old at age 22. I don't think 19 and 22 is a significant age gap.


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12 Sep 2014, 4:42 pm

3 years is nuthin. I remember being about 23 yo grad student when I began molesting an 18-yo college freshman. We had a lot of fun together, and having been through a 4-year program myself I was fortunate to end up with someone who felt as strongly about hitting the books as I did. I didn't try to take too much of her time but rather tried to be as much a mentor as I was a bf. It's a rare kind of relationship to get into, but it can be VERY enjoyable. Older/younger relationships can have that whole look-up-to-you vibe to them, and what made it somewhat fun for us was that I had some good dating history before her, while for her I was her first bf. We both hated breaking up, but at a certain point you have to look at your lives together and decide whether there's a future there. There was no lack of love. We were just going two completely different directions in life, and we're still friends now.