Getting a restraining order against my parents

Page 1 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,780
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

18 Sep 2014, 8:19 pm

I need advice. While I am not mad at my parents ATM, when the time does come that I get married (and with it, move to Los Angeles), I will cut off ALL contact with my parents PERMANENTLY. I don't have many resources at this time, but when the time comes, I want to meet with a pro bono lawyer that will help me get one (and with it, a legal name change). Their prissy, ultra-conservative Asian obstructionist ways don't fly with me as an adult.

What can I possibly do here?


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


AspieUtah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,118
Location: Brigham City, Utah

18 Sep 2014, 8:55 pm

You might be able to find a pro bono lawyer, but, for a restraining order and name change, it would be doubtful. Still, if you know of a legal clinic nearby, they might accept your case(s). You might want to consider pro se (for oneself) legal work. Neither a restraining order nor a name change is complicated. Most courts in California make pro se applications in both matters quite easy to accomplish on your own (both require your payment of court fees). Nolo (http://www.nolo.com/) is a California-based pro se legal-advice publisher of books and software. Its web site is very detailed and can inform you enough to be able to decide if pro se work is something you might want to do. Look through the site. I would suggest that you accomplish the restraining order first, then the name change. But, a cooperative judge might be willing to combine both requests if you have the applications completed at the same time.

The restraining order will require you to show that you: 1) no longer welcome your parents' involvement in your personal affairs, 2) have asked them to respect your wishes to decide your personal affairs for yourself, and 3) (this one is the key factor) continue to experience their unwanted active involvement in your affairs despite them being asked by you to stop doing so. Most courts are reluctant to grant permanent restraining orders unless violence or intimidation is a factor, or that the involvement is ongoing and disruptive to your life. So, the order you get would be granted for six months or so, after which it would expire. If either party violates the order, contempt of court charges can be made against the responsible party. Also, courts are reluctant to grant orders if they believe that they are being sought to "punish" another party without cause.

The name change, however, is pretty straightforward and requires only an application which states under penalty of law that the change is not being sought to avoid prosecution for prior crimes or to evade legal debts and other responsibilities, etc. Name changes can affect your credit history for some time meaning that you might not be eligible for credit for the first few months. You can speed this process up somewhat by volunteering copies of your name-change court order to every credit-reporting business. Both your new and old names will be combined on the same credit report so that past and current creditors know how to continue finding you. You will also need to do the same with your employment information and all your existing financial, loan and credit accounts, and membership and identification cards. Some, like government-issued driver licenses, identification cards, Social Security account and card, and passports will need to be surrendered, corrected and reissued to you. They will charge you for that administration. It can add up.

But, these are the kind of behaviors that have split up families forever. I would caution you (and others) to think long and hard about whether such actions are necessary and desired, because they will have permanent ramifications.


_________________
Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


Last edited by AspieUtah on 18 Sep 2014, 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,780
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

18 Sep 2014, 9:02 pm

^ Come to think of it, maybe only the name change is necessary......... probably because I despise my real name as it is an Asian one and it gets mangled all the time, is one reason why.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


AspieUtah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,118
Location: Brigham City, Utah

18 Sep 2014, 9:09 pm

That is a lot easier to accomplish, and, in some cases, doesn't require a court application. If you can accept your birth name being used on legal and financial records only, you may generally be allowed to use a variation of that name in less-than-legal and financial conditions; like how Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofski is better known as Krusty the Clown. It is called a "name change through consistent use;" in other words, you can't use a different new name every week, but you can choose to shorten or adjust your birth name for easier use and pronunciation in everyday life.

But, if the problems of explaining to people, businesses and the government why you sometimes use a name which is different from your birth name is still a problem for you, you can always change it at your local court.


_________________
Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,780
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

18 Sep 2014, 9:10 pm

^ Well, my name change will likely be my pen name of 15 years. It's been constant with me, so it's not like I'm going to change it every week, ya know.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


AspieUtah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,118
Location: Brigham City, Utah

18 Sep 2014, 9:15 pm

There you go! One of my friends was adopted when he was 20 years old by his adoptive father. He changed his name to accept his adoptive-father's name, but didn't want to use the surname for reasons of personal safety. He used the surname for legal and financial reasons, but simply dropped it for common uses. It has worked for him for 30 years. Last year, he finally "came out" to everyone (except me; I knew all along), and surprised a lot of people.

The key is to be persistent about which name is used for which reasons. A little confusing at first, but easy to remember after a few weeks.

Good luck with it!


_________________
Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,780
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

18 Sep 2014, 9:17 pm

^ Thank you. I now have second thoughts about the restraining order, I just want to tell them to minimize contact as much as possible now upon my move.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


AspieUtah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,118
Location: Brigham City, Utah

18 Sep 2014, 9:23 pm

"Absence [and a little distance] makes the heart grow fonder." Your move to Los Angeles will probably help distill your parents' opinions into the things that they really want to say and do about you. You might be surprised how they change when you aren't around as much as before. Let's hope, anyway.


_________________
Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


Meistersinger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,700
Location: Beautiful(?) West Manchester Township PA

18 Sep 2014, 9:28 pm

equestriatola wrote:
^ Thank you. I now have second thoughts about the restraining order, I just want to tell them to minimize contact as much as possible now upon my move.


This Gould be simple enough. When you move, don't bother telling them your address, phone number or your new name. As a matter of fact, I would move when they aren't around to pester you.



OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

19 Sep 2014, 11:10 am

You don't need a lawyer for a restraining order. You need a police report and how ever much it costs to file it where you are. It's about $25 here. You will need a police report that says you called the cops on them for assault, harrassment, threats, or something of the sort. You can't get one "just in case". Somebody has to have done something or seriously threatened to do something in order to have one against them. Also, you can't get one because your parents annoy you. There has to be some other thing to it.

As I said before, you are putting the cart before the horse here. Right now, I'd be busy getting the money to move if I were you.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


BuyerBeware
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,476
Location: PA, USA

19 Sep 2014, 11:38 am

Unless they're violent, you don't need a restraining order. Just gather up funds and MOVE. Don't leave a phone number or forwarding address, if you truly want no contact ever again and do not and will never give a crap if they live or die.

Pack up, move away, don't call, don't write, don't visit. End of relationship.

Without tearing up and bunch of crap and creating a bunch of drama that will make it harder on them, harder on you, and more difficult to reconcile if, say, perceptions change with age and you decide you'd like to have a relationship of some kind with them later.

You don't even have to get a name change, really. Lots of immigrants used to pull this trick. "Theresinia" became "Teresa." "Salvatore" became "Sam." "Devabakithuni" became "Devin." "Tokomomori" became "Tom." Victims of the trans-Atlantic slave trade weren't the only ones to take "slave names." Pretty much everyone who wasn't English, French, Dutch, Scandinavian, or German did it ("Teresa" and "Sam" were my grandmother's parents-- "Cattrina" became "Katy," and presto! the little Dago girl had an American name. "Devin" was a guy my best friend's family knew growing up, I didn't personally know "Tom" but remember reading it in a personal story of life after the Japanese internment camps back during WWII).


_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,780
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

19 Sep 2014, 4:10 pm

AspieUtah wrote:
You might be able to find a pro bono lawyer, but, for a restraining order and name change, it would be doubtful. Still, if you know of a legal clinic nearby, they might accept your case(s). You might want to consider pro se (for oneself) legal work. Neither a restraining order nor a name change is complicated. Most courts in California make pro se applications in both matters quite easy to accomplish on your own (both require your payment of court fees). Nolo (http://www.nolo.com/) is a California-based pro se legal-advice publisher of books and software. Its web site is very detailed and can inform you enough to be able to decide if pro se work is something you might want to do. Look through the site. I would suggest that you accomplish the restraining order first, then the name change. But, a cooperative judge might be willing to combine both requests if you have the applications completed at the same time.

The restraining order will require you to show that you: 1) no longer welcome your parents' involvement in your personal affairs, 2) have asked them to respect your wishes to decide your personal affairs for yourself, and 3) (this one is the key factor) continue to experience their unwanted active involvement in your affairs despite them being asked by you to stop doing so. Most courts are reluctant to grant permanent restraining orders unless violence or intimidation is a factor, or that the involvement is ongoing and disruptive to your life. So, the order you get would be granted for six months or so, after which it would expire. If either party violates the order, contempt of court charges can be made against the responsible party. Also, courts are reluctant to grant orders if they believe that they are being sought to "punish" another party without cause.

The name change, however, is pretty straightforward and requires only an application which states under penalty of law that the change is not being sought to avoid prosecution for prior crimes or to evade legal debts and other responsibilities, etc. Name changes can affect your credit history for some time meaning that you might not be eligible for credit for the first few months. You can speed this process up somewhat by volunteering copies of your name-change court order to every credit-reporting business. Both your new and old names will be combined on the same credit report so that past and current creditors know how to continue finding you. You will also need to do the same with your employment information and all your existing financial, loan and credit accounts, and membership and identification cards. Some, like government-issued driver licenses, identification cards, Social Security account and card, and passports will need to be surrendered, corrected and reissued to you. They will charge you for that administration. It can add up.

But, these are the kind of behaviors that have split up families forever. I would caution you (and others) to think long and hard about whether such actions are necessary and desired, because they will have permanent ramifications.


Although sometimes I wish I could go forward with the restraining order, given my history with my parents relationship....... it's been rather rocky. Let's put it that way.

I'm sorry. To be honest, I feel kinda torn as to what to do upon my move (and possible marriage).


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


equestriatola
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,780
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.

21 Jul 2015, 4:42 pm

That, and they lecture me about a lot of things...... sorry to bring this up again. That don't fly with me now.


_________________
LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish. :)

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."


Caelum
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2014
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 199
Location: Surrounded by Mountains

22 Jul 2015, 12:32 pm

Getting a name change is easy. It is handled at the state level in the US, you can typically find everything you need on the state's website. Since you mentioned you were moving to Los Angeles, here is the website for California. It looks pretty easy, just follow the process and you should be able to get it done.
http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-namechange.htm


California also has stuff on restraining orders. It looks like these are done more at the local level, and you'd probably need some legal advice on it, however there is a bunch of stuff online.
General California Restraining orders.
http://www.courts.ca.gov/1260.htm#civil harassment

List of Family Law facilitators, just click on the link for which county you are in.
http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-facilitators.htm


If you end up in Los Angeles, this is their self help page for restraining orders.
http://www.lacourt.org/selfhelp/abusean ... AH001.aspx



Good luck and stay safe.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Jul 2015, 5:06 pm

I could understand you wanting to break with your parents.

I thought that way when I was younger.

I do honestly hope, though, that you don't make a COMPLETE break with them.

Over the years, you will evolve and your parents will evolve. Once you achieve your independence, they will respect you more.

I mean......you don't have to talk to them often--not even once a year--but leave the lines of communication open.



886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,663
Location: SLC, Utah

23 Jul 2015, 4:24 am

equestriatola wrote:
That, and they lecture me about a lot of things...... sorry to bring this up again. That don't fly with me now.


then don't talk to them

if you move, you don't need a piece of paper to not have contact with them. you just have to hit "decline call" on your smart phone

said method has worked well for me, i haven't talked to my dad in 4 months


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.