Do you feel unattractive or asexual to the opposite sex?

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crystalc1973
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24 Sep 2014, 12:42 pm

Do you ever feel like you have absolutely no sex appeal whatsoever to the opposite sex? Do you find that only a rare kindred spirit actually sees you as a desirable man or woman? This has been my experience for like, ever. In high school any guys I liked thought I was a total dork, which I guess in all fairness, I was. Same thing once I started university, labelled myself the "man repellent". Married the first guy who showed any serious interest in me, but he wasn't the love of my life or anything, simply out of fear from ending up a lonely, crazy cat lady or something. 13 years, 4 kids, and I divorce later, I finally met a gorgeous man who totally gets me in every way and we are now married. However I feel my husband is in a class by himself in considering me attractive, after all his ex wife looks like Tiny Tim (the singer not the Dickens character) ! Most guys treat me like I was just "one of the guys", acceptable as a friend, but not girlfriend material. I never was big on all that cutesy, flirty stuff guys are supposed to find enticing, I guess because I didn't consider myself as "one of those girls", as a result I have developed a somewhat masculine persona in that I joke around like a guy would, my husband accepts this about me which is great because I don't want to act like some silly bimbo or anything. I'm not the kind of girl who can for instance, talk a cop out of a ticket by flirting, or get guys to do things for me with my "feminine wiles", the mere thought of it seems ludicrous to me, I think another guy would have a better chance at it than I would! Anyone else feel like others see them as an asexual amoeba or do you ever feel ugly, and become paranoid that people are laughing about your appearance?


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downbutnotout
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24 Sep 2014, 5:36 pm

Yes, largely because I?m plain, quiet, and serious most of the time. I?m also one of those nerds who?ll talk your ear off about computers or German vs English language rules, not one of those nerds who plays World of Warcraft and looks adorable in a Doctor Who costume. Whatever the Internet wants to say about the scarcity of nerdy women, a guy who'll sit down and eagerly explain the physics behind something I learned in class is an equally rare bird. I only know of one.

In some ways I prefer it because I?m not very sexual in the first place, but it?s not easy to find someone serious about me. Considering the field I'm in, being "one of the guys" could be a workplace perk. I've been informed that many an IT guy has had issues with spiders in unexpected places, which sounds like a fun surprise to me (or a tip that planting large spiders in inconvenient places could get me ahead).



Last edited by downbutnotout on 24 Sep 2014, 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Cafeaulait
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24 Sep 2014, 5:43 pm

Well, the strange thing is that I see a beautiful and exotic young woman when I look in the mirror, but I still haven´t had a serious relationship at my age nor do I get approached/asked out by guys.
So I am ambiguous towards myself.



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24 Sep 2014, 6:01 pm

I feel below average for sure, but also as known for being totally oblivious to a woman showing any interest in me



italstallianion
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24 Sep 2014, 6:19 pm

Yep, I feel that women are ambivalent to my existence, especially as anything more than just a friend.


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24 Sep 2014, 6:38 pm

crystalc1973 wrote:
[...] Most guys treat me like I was just "one of the guys", acceptable as a friend, but not girlfriend material. [...]

Most guys are instinctively "not interested" in a woman that does not indicate that she is "available." (yes, there's plenty of poor "readers")

***
crystalc1973 wrote:
[...] I never was big on all that cutesy, flirty stuff guys are supposed to find enticing, [...]

Women run the "whole show" when it comes to courtship (they are so subtle and instinctual that society actually thinks it's the guy "doing" everything).
Men tend to ignore "courtship signals" until they reach a quantity threshold of ten or so, directed at them specifically.
If you don't send out these signals, in quantity, men's animal brains have a tendency to consider you "unavailable" and you'll get very little "feedback" as to your "attractiveness."

This is the case of Pretty is, as Pretty does.

If you want to be attractive to a man (hubby included) act like a woman towards the man.
Try not to minimize this by calling it...
crystalc1973 wrote:
[...] all that cutesy, flirty stuff [...]

    ...Men like Women, how you do it is up to you, practice on the guy you love til you figure out what really gets his motor running, he'll really appreciated it.


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auntblabby
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24 Sep 2014, 7:37 pm

all my life, with one exception.



sly279
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24 Sep 2014, 10:26 pm

been told I'm not attractive quite a lot.



andrethemoogle
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24 Sep 2014, 11:41 pm

Yes, mainly because I'm a larger man and talk differently (at least I think I do) than most other people.



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25 Sep 2014, 5:32 am

I do right now because I'm getting older and fatter. And my hair is the opposite of a style. Not even a makeover would improve my looks right now. I don't even know where to start with opening my dating site accounts again and having to take new pictures etc.



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25 Sep 2014, 6:05 am

Sure. I try, as much as possible, to draw conclusions from evidence, rather than from introspection. So while I don't think there's anything wrong with me (physically), whether I think I should be attractive to others is irrelevant. What's relevant is that I've seen no evidence to indicate that women are physically attracted to me and very little evidence to even indicate that they might be. Therefore I can't help, but conclude that I'm unattractive to women. (There has been slightly more evidence of my attractiveness to men.)


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calstar2
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25 Sep 2014, 6:06 am

I would say a fair share of the opposite sex would be physically attracted to me if they saw a (good) picture of me, but no, I don't think any do when they are actually present with me because my oddities bring me down pretty far in that department.



Outrider15
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25 Sep 2014, 7:36 am

I actually feel alright and content with my appearance.

Most people, family, friends, strangers even, have said I look average, some have even said above average.

Out of 10, people have told me I'm a 6, 6.5, some have even said 7.

The funny thing is, I put little to no effort into my appearance. I don't comb my hair, I don't shave my beard, I don't use any creams on my face for acne or anything like that, I have a skinny and pasty body.

All I do in the morning is wake up, have a shower, clean hair, put on deodorant, splash some water on my face/hair, and out on some decent clothes.

I'm satisfied with how I look, I'm proud that I can always look like a 6.5 without ever actually trying. All I do is put a nice jacket and cap on, and I can look decent enough.

I have actually gotten a decent amount of attention from the opposite sex as well. 2 girls have had crushes on me, possibly 3. 2 random girls in the street tried flirting with me, and it's possible a couple more have tried to. Girls on the internet have complimented my looks, etc.

Anyone else actually okay with how they look?



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25 Sep 2014, 9:05 am

I felt like that. What I feel is attractive about me to certain rare women & shows is my personality which comes out on forums better than getting to know women offline which is why I did better getting women on forums but it was only 3.


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downbutnotout
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25 Sep 2014, 9:53 am

Outrider15 wrote:
I actually feel alright and content with my appearance.

Most people, family, friends, strangers even, have said I look average, some have even said above average.

Out of 10, people have told me I'm a 6, 6.5, some have even said 7.

The funny thing is, I put little to no effort into my appearance. I don't comb my hair, I don't shave my beard, I don't use any creams on my face for acne or anything like that, I have a skinny and pasty body.

All I do in the morning is wake up, have a shower, clean hair, put on deodorant, splash some water on my face/hair, and out on some decent clothes.

I'm satisfied with how I look, I'm proud that I can always look like a 6.5 without ever actually trying. All I do is put a nice jacket and cap on, and I can look decent enough.

I have actually gotten a decent amount of attention from the opposite sex as well. 2 girls have had crushes on me, possibly 3. 2 random girls in the street tried flirting with me, and it's possible a couple more have tried to. Girls on the internet have complimented my looks, etc.

Anyone else actually okay with how they look?


Yes, but this is a strange thread to ask that in.



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25 Sep 2014, 10:39 am

I usually feel very unattractive since I was told daily in school how unattractive and ugly I was and it's hard to undo that conditioning but I have to admit as much as I hate dressing up whenever I wear a suit and tie out and about women blatantly stare and hit on me. In fact, the last time I wore my suit on a date (I did tell her I was coming from a formal event in case you are wondering) the girl was in my bed a few hours later! I counted 20 women who checked me out (they are quick at it :lol: ) and that's just the ones I noticed.

The last girl I dated even commented on how I looked completely different in every photo I posted in my dating profile and I didn't look like any of them. I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult. Apparently I should dress up every time I go out. My brother told me I could have a girl who is wife material in a week if I just dressed up all the time. Maybe I should test that theory :lol: