Why do Women do this on Dating Sites?

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So I decided to throw a Hail Mary and try OK Cupid for the third time. It was a monumental waste of time before but then again my eHarmony experience was literally ten times better the second time around. No relationships but a did get both friends and a greatly expanded social circle (and a chance to meet a woman in that circle who might eventually be GF/wife material!). I saw this lovely girl who was a 96% match and had a profile free of clichés. Not drop dead gorgeous but seemed like a down to earth, emotionally available gal I have been searching for. She even had a green under her response level! I was going to message her until I realized she re-wrote her profile. Here is what she says now(direct quotes):

"Just a heads up, since I've been getting messages of these kinds far too often for my tastes, I'm looking for a relationship. I'm not here because you're horny and you feel I'm the most likely to cyber with you at the time. I'm not looking for one night stands, or casual 'encounters'."

"I'm the kind of person that is perfectly fine by myself"

"If you do something that annoys me, or upsets me you are going to know it. I don't mean by giving you the silent treatment until you 'figure it out'. I will tell you right then and there what you are doing is upsetting and you had best not do it again."

"I don't share. Period. The second I find out you are or were cheating on me, your ass is grass. First offense I am gone, I don't need that s**t in my life."

"you like anything you see/read here! Though one rule:
Instead of sending me a dick pic (because this happens more often then I thought it really would) you can send me:" and a long list of "acceptable" pictures.

Why would someone write a profile like that? Is that really going to motivate a high quality male such as myself to message her? What is she thinking? Can you say "bitter?" All I can think of is why would any decent, self-respecting guy respond to that nasty profile? She literally has nothing to offer in her new profile except to show what a nasty attitude she has! Maybe I should re-write my profile to say "I am sick of emotionally unavailable women who can't seem to figure out what they want! Get lost until you are serious about a relationship!" I'm blunt as they come like most Aspies but I do know how to phrase my desires in a respectful and polite way. If she is that bitter about the poor responses, why the heck doesn't she take the time and energy to make that terrible profile to get up off her butt and message guys she thinks match her criteria? Makes no sense to me!

I don't see what's wrong with the text she wrote?

I *totally* get where she is coming from. I don't see it as nastiness or bitterness, I just see it as a girl who is pissed off at being bothered by guys who ignore her profile and treat her how they like. Plenty of them on OKCupid. Imagine being pestered by lots of guys who don't take you seriously or bother to find out who you are. It hurts, and it is objectifying. It makes you even question yourself sometimes. So she has reacted defensively and is basically saying, "If you're just going to be a dick to me, f*** off now".

As for "getting off her butt" and messaging guys who she thinks is right for her, you can't say for sure she hasn't done that.

It can be soul destroying when guy after guy treats you like you're a total idiot/nothing as if you don't get what they're up to.

Last edited by smudge on 29 Sep 2014, 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Because they can afford to do that.

And BTW, seeing you write, "Is that really going to motivate a high quality male such as myself to message her?", makes me want to slap you.

Let me slap you also.

Maybe she has a history of having the wrongs guys message her, and is trying to 'weed them out'.

Also, on a personal note, on point number 3, I would prefer a woman like her. I despise the silent treatment.

Wow smudge, it's as if it's as one sided as feminists would have you believe.

As soon as I see the word, "feminist" as a dirty word, I tend not to take the speaker so seriously. It's a shame.

The feeling is mutual. I don't talk to sexists.

She's probably getting daily messages of harassment and is preemptively telling such guys not to waste their time bothering her, that she'd much rather be alone than with a jerk, and that she considers mind games to be unacceptable. It's defensive, but absolutely understandable. You don't have to send a message, but getting mad at her and taking it personal doesn't really accomplish anything either.

This woman has obliviously had to deal with a lot of creeps, players, and as*holes and just wants to send a clear message that she's tired of that crap. Could she have employed a little more tact and less vitriol in her words? Perhaps. But then it might not have been as effective in getting the message across to the type of guys that she is trying to avoid.

You won't understand the why until you try it for yourself.

Create a fake female profile. See how many inappropriate pics and messages you get per day.

What she says actually sounds perfectly reasonable, but her saying it is still useless, because the kind of guy who would send her a photo of his dick would not read it. So it may well do more to put off the good guys than the bad guys. I guess she hasn't thought that far ahead. Obviously her theory of mind isn't as good as an aspie's.

How so? I AM high quality compared to most guys on that site: I hear it all the time from women who ARE in successful relationships. I have a stable, well respected job, come from a good family and treat them well, I treat women with nothing but respect, I am well liked and I adore feminine traits in general. I'm not perfect and cannot read social cues but I see no reason not to think I am a good catch and would make a great partner. Just like finding a job, the hardest part is just getting off the ground.


Yes, but my point is I'm tired of women who aren't emotionally available and have bad attitudes. Every OKCupid conversation has ended in a flake but I am not going to message someone by saying "I know you are probably going to flake but I might as well try talking to you". Even if 99 women screw me over #100 had NOTHING to do with it and deserves to be given a fair shake.

Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 29 Sep 2014, 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

True, but I have received a few inappropriate messages, even repeatedly from a guy once. I am well aware that women get a lot of garbage and as a decent human being that offends me. Still, that's what the "block" feature is for! Slightly off-topic, but it's strange how on eHarmony the women I have dated have commented on how LITTLE they hear from guys. If I were to go online again, I will go back to eHarmony but not until some new members sign up.


That's kinda my whole point. It's just like me saying "I'm sick of being ignored by stuck up, snobby women! If you want to talk to me, message me instead!" Do you think the few decent women on that site are going to talk to me or are they going to run as fast as they can? I suspect the latter!