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dianthus
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30 Sep 2014, 4:56 pm

Do you have a strong sense of honor? like a belief in doing the right thing, always being honest and loyal, doing right by someone you love?

Is it so strong that you have an almost impossible time forgiving someone if they have let you down?

Or so strong that you actually undermine yourself by being too loyal to people who don't deserve it?



LupaLuna
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30 Sep 2014, 5:06 pm

About 10 years ago. back when I was working for my mob client. I was very loyal to him, even knowing what he was doing was illegal. I always pervaded him with great service and a great product. I never ask question nor did I prod into is life. He believed in me and my work and pay me very well for it. he was kinda like a dad to me.



Dantac
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30 Sep 2014, 5:11 pm

dianthus wrote:
Do you have a strong sense of honor? like a belief in doing the right thing, always being honest and loyal, doing right by someone you love?

Is it so strong that you have an almost impossible time forgiving someone if they have let you down?

Or so strong that you actually undermine yourself by being too loyal to people who don't deserve it?



Yes on all of them.



babyheart
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30 Sep 2014, 5:35 pm

dianthus wrote:
Do you have a strong sense of honor? like a belief in doing the right thing, always being honest and loyal, doing right by someone you love?

Is it so strong that you have an almost impossible time forgiving someone if they have let you down?

Or so strong that you actually undermine yourself by being too loyal to people who don't deserve it?


This is creepy. It's like hearing myself talk. I also hate talking ill about other people behind their backs. Anyone else hate that?


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dianthus
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30 Sep 2014, 5:46 pm

babyheart wrote:
This is creepy. It's like hearing myself talk. I also hate talking ill about other people behind their backs. Anyone else hate that?


Yes I hate it too. I do it sometimes not meaning to gossip but to vent frustrations or sort out something that is bothering me. But sometimes other people just take it as gossip and repeat it (and maybe distort my words) which can be disastrous. It's hard to find people to talk to that I can trust. Big part of why I hold back from talking to people because if I get started I can tend to just blurt out everything that is on my mind.

Actually this is something that is really eating at me right now. Because a person has been upsetting me a lot and I had to talk about it just to be able to deal with it. But I'm afraid it made things worse.

And if I find out someone was talking about me like that? I feel really betrayed by it even if what they said was not that bad.



AspieUtah
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30 Sep 2014, 5:51 pm

I believe strongly in loyalty; not the sycophantic kind of loyalty, but the kind where there is a higher degree of expectation by and from each individual.

It is rare. And if it is violated, there is little I could accept to repair it.


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30 Sep 2014, 5:54 pm

I've sold myself out, so no.

(Handed my handguns in when I couldn't afford the new license. There's no reason for why I need a license.)



Halfmadgenius
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30 Sep 2014, 6:39 pm

Yep. And my loyalty has been abused and my honesty is often taken the wrong way. And once you destroy my trust it cannot be repaired. I will take a lot from a loved one, but once the breaking point is reached it can't be undone.



dianthus
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30 Sep 2014, 6:56 pm

Sometimes when I am losing trust in someone I want so badly to fix it that I will excuse almost anything. It just seems like it must be a mistake or they didn't really mean it. Or in rare cases I might try to take all the blame on myself rather than believe something bad about the other person.

But once my trust is broken, I can't believe in that person again. Even if I really want to. Probably for the best though.



Skilpadde
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30 Sep 2014, 8:21 pm

dianthus wrote:
Do you have a strong sense of honor? like a belief in doing the right thing, always being honest and loyal, doing right by someone you love?

It depends on the situation. I'm not obsessed with the 'right thing', I'd rather fit in and keep a job for instance. It also depends on whether 'the right thing' is something I care about. I can ignore a lot if I have to, and easily if I don't care/don't think it's a big deal.
I'm not always honest.
I am very loyal to those I love. I always try to do right by them. That doesn't mean I always succeed.

dianthus wrote:
Is it so strong that you have an almost impossible time forgiving someone if they have let you down?

I don't think I have very strong sense of honor, so no. But I seldom forgive someone who has let me down, and I never forget.

dianthus wrote:
Or so strong that you actually undermine yourself by being too loyal to people who don't deserve it?

No. If people turn out not to be worth keeping around, I ditch them. When I'm done with someone, I'm really done with them. Life's too short to bother.

babyheart wrote:
I also hate talking ill about other people behind their backs. Anyone else hate that?

Not me, I usually listen eagerly to be honest, and have no problems supplying my own. It can be therapeutic and it can bond people. The non-related person I have been closest to in my life (also an aspie), and I very much bonded over someone we both had had enough of at the time. We enjoyed trash talking this person in private and making up jokes and names for him that we only used between ourselves in private.

I would feel uncomfortable with it if someone trashed someone I actually liked though. I patched things up again with the person we had trash talked, and when my friend started it again after that, I said that I knew how he felt, but I wouldn't go there anymore. He was upset, and I understand that. for him that was a betrayal.

And sometimes people do rant angrily and seemingly hostile over people they love because something about them frustrates them right there and then. That too is absolutely normal and something most people can do (but not to just anyone).


And since gossip came up: I've never been into celeb gossip, but I do open my ears if it's about someone I know/ know of.


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30 Sep 2014, 9:09 pm

Well sort of depends on the individual or group I am dealing with whether I feel I should be honest and loyal....for instance with people I care about I prefer to be honest though I tend to keep a lot of mental crap I deal with to myself, but I guess that is not really being dishonest just not wanting to kill peoples mood. But if its people who try to screw me over or that I have reason to dislike and not associate with than I wouldn't concern myself with honesty or loyalty towards them.

I do sometimes end up letting things slide, which pisses me off because I feel I should be more assertive about if something bothers me and not worry so much to how people might react to that.


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babyheart
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01 Oct 2014, 8:23 am

dianthus wrote:
babyheart wrote:
This is creepy. It's like hearing myself talk. I also hate talking ill about other people behind their backs. Anyone else hate that?


Yes I hate it too. I do it sometimes not meaning to gossip but to vent frustrations or sort out something that is bothering me. But sometimes other people just take it as gossip and repeat it (and maybe distort my words) which can be disastrous. It's hard to find people to talk to that I can trust. Big part of why I hold back from talking to people because if I get started I can tend to just blurt out everything that is on my mind.

Actually this is something that is really eating at me right now. Because a person has been upsetting me a lot and I had to talk about it just to be able to deal with it. But I'm afraid it made things worse.

And if I find out someone was talking about me like that? I feel really betrayed by it even if what they said was not that bad.


Yeah, I understand, sometimes we need advice on what to do. I've talked about things that bothered me but without mentioning names. I think mentioning names as you found out can have consequences. What's annoying is when then the person I'm talking asks who I'm talking about. I think 'Duh! If I was gonna say it, why didn't I mention their name in the first place!?' If someone's has wronged me in a very cruel way, and despite talking to someone, I am still hurt and angry then I find myself swearing at them to myself. It's not nice but it's a better outlet than telling others about them. The only time, I'd mention someone behind their back is if I know that person to be danger to others, like a convicted rapist, pedo, thief etc, so as to warn them. Hope things get better for you soon : )


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Skurvey
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01 Oct 2014, 5:08 pm

Oscar Wilde said "The only thing worse than being talked about behind your back, is not being talked about at all!"

I believe a sense of honour is more about how you try and live your life for yourself than whatever others think or do. I read a lot of books about chivalry and am quite into the concept. No offence if this sounds sexist, but I think honour is something men need to strive for in their lives, a man without honour is no man. Saying that, honour is an ideal, and it's something to TRY to achieve, and that is very hard, and failure to achieve the ideal is frequent, but one should always keep trying.

I believe that everyone will let you down at some point so when they don't it's quite beautiful. Perhaps I don't let people close enough to do any damage when they let me down.


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babyheart
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02 Oct 2014, 8:19 am

Quote:
Skurvey wrote:

I believe a sense of honour is more about how you try and live your life for yourself than whatever others think or do. I read a lot of books about chivalry and am quite into the concept. No offence if this sounds sexist, but I think honour is something men need to strive for in their lives, a man without honour is no man. Saying that, honour is an ideal, and it's something to TRY to achieve, and that is very hard, and failure to achieve the ideal is frequent, but one should always keep trying.
I think that's better than what Oscar Wilde said! : )

Quote:
I believe that everyone will let you down at some point so when they don't it's quite beautiful. Perhaps I don't let people close enough to do any damage when they let me down.
I'm a die-hard optimist so I refuse to believe that everyone will let me down, I have hope lol. I would still risk getting close to someone. It'd be too sad to never take the risk, cuz you just never know : )


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Skilpadde
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03 Oct 2014, 3:34 am

Skurvey wrote:
I believe that everyone will let you down at some point so when they don't it's quite beautiful.

People will always let you down in some way, without exception. Some of the ways you can move past, others you can't (and shouldn't IMO). But anyway you look at it, there will be let-downs with everyone.


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love you and miss you, dear boy

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evilreligion
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03 Oct 2014, 4:15 am

dianthus wrote:
Do you have a strong sense of honor? like a belief in doing the right thing, always being honest and loyal, doing right by someone you love?


Definitely. I even will do right by people I don't know. Its the mark of a good person act in accordance with ones own conscience even when no one is looking and there is no prospect of any self gain, even if that action is to the detriment of ones selfish interests. So would I hand in a strangers wallet that was full of cash. Yep every time. Its easy to be loyal andn do their right thing to people we know well because there is something to gain from this personally i.e. reciprocated kindness but showing that kind of honour to complete strangers whom one will never meet again is the mark of a truly good person in my opinion.


Quote:
Is it so strong that you have an almost impossible time forgiving someone if they have let you down?


No. Part of my sense of honour is understanding that my fellow humans fail. It is not my place to judge and it is a good thing to forgive as that way healing can commence. Compassion and honour are closely linked for me, it is honourable to forgive in my opinion.

Quote:
Or so strong that you actually undermine yourself by being too loyal to people who don't deserve it?


Yes. My wife gets mad at me sometimes because I have friends from my past that are for example drug addicts and who have as a result treatment me and her badly. She can't understand why I am still friends with them, but they are my mates and always will be (unless they do something really horrible). That's just the way it is with me. I forgive their screw ups because I understand that much of it is not their fault.